Splitting the bill

[Pyjamaramadrama]

A few months ago we went for a meal with some family. Me, dh and ds who was 6.

There were quite a few people and at the end everyone split the bill as normal. I think it was £30 each.

The thing is dh feels we got massively ripped off as ds only had a starter and a squash, I only had a soft drink as was driving but not too bothered about that. It was more paying £30 for ds when other people had starters mains and sides and lots of drinks.

If forgotten but we didn't really want to be awkward at the time and look tight.

I'm wondering was it fair or should we have paid less for ds, or should we have spoken up?

The reason it's come up is there is another meal coming up and dh thinks that we shouldn't take ds again. There are other reasons like it ends up getting really late, also some people get him really over excited then get annoyed when he messes around.

We normally don't include children and spilt bill amounts adults only

I wouldn't of even expected to pay for son

Interesting to read through this thread, I've always wondered how people generally feel about splitting/not splitting, because I'm not even sure myself.

I'm mostly a splitter as our group of friends/family roughly eat and drink the same, but I have been in groups where someone has obviously taken advantage, or someone refuses to tip etc, and in those situations I would have preferred to just pay for myself.
When it's between friends I don't mind the occasional sting (say I'm driving that night) as it can work the other way too, but when it comes to veggies, pregnant ladies and children then it makes more sense to split it differently or it can work out vastly unfair.

I like the idea of advising the waiters beforehand - do that next time :)
(although I'd just say due to the cost of this most recent meal you'll have to miss out the next one!)

One thing has always stuck with me with this bill paying malarky. I went out with an acquaintances group of friends once, to a grill place, so lots of fairly pricey meat dishes. A bloke drank like the rest of us and ordered to most expensive thing on the menu, and when it came to splitting the bill he contributed..... £10!!!!
He handed a £10 note over and said that 'all he had in his wallet'!

I waited tables for years and would have absolutely no problem with people in a group scenario like this asking for a separate bill. Next time just approach your server towards the end of the meal and ask if you can pay separately - do it on your way to the loo if you want to avoid a confrontation. That way you'll just be paying for what you ordered and the rest of the table can work it out amongst themselves. It also means you can leave when you need to, and if anyone asks you just say 'It's just so we can get DS home for bed as he's a bit overtired.'

'Funnily enough nobody will moan at dh.'

i have a tactic for that: 'yes, of course! so true... if only dh would agree with you.'

then it becomes pointless moaning at you.

Actually I love the babybat idea. Do it discreetly towards the end - everyone else will be having a right hoot thinking you'll be helping pay for their indulgences and then you can come back from the loo and say 'right, we're all paid up for our share, we're off to put DC to bed, thanks for such a lovely night!'

I think that to have included your ds in the head count if he was the only child was unreasonable. A £30 share is a lot for a 6yo! I assume his starter wasn't caviar on toast or something ;)
Personally I would have split equally but left him out.
Hate the 'everyone pay for what they had' meals - always ends up mysteriously short (never over, funnily enough) and some muggins (usually me) ends up paying the excess just so we can leave....

Arrrgggh - group meals.

My particular bugbear is the person who leaps up and leaves early leaving payment of £7.95 exactly for their pizza, ignoring their orange juice and tip.

I don't think I've ever been out for a meal and come out a winner. On one unfortunate occasion dh ended up in a fight with bil (well, a middle-class man fight, so a bit of pushing and hopping about) when bil wanted to split the bill in half - eg him, sil + 3 children and dh (who was alone).

This is annoying for all sides at different times but frankly I get so annoyed when I just join friends desert because I can't stay the whole time and end up with a £30 bill for a slice of cake. People just need to be sensible and reasonable. And I guess some of us should learn to speak up.

I HATE equal splitting. I don't have that much money so will moderate the cost of the food I choose and the number of drinks I have. If I have to then subsidise other people's starters, bottles of wine and side dishes then it just gets too expensive for me to have gone in the first place.

My general rule is that I'll pay for what I had and then round it up to the nearest note, so if it was £12.50 I'll leave £15, which then covers the tip. This is exactly the same as if I leave early as well. I think this is the fairest way myself.

I would love to be in a position where I can afford to split a bill equally and put my share in.
Unfortunately out budget is very tight at the moment and on the rare occasions we can afford to go out for a meal we can only do so by carefully selecting items we can afford.
A few months ago a meal organiser announced it would be £35 each and I'd had a £6 wrap and a Coke. And the reason I'd had that was because I knew I could afford to spend £10.
I either have to avoid going out for meals or put in for what I have had (plus tip of course).

I'm glad that even those that like splitting the bill, don't think it's justified to take full amount for a child.

Ds only had a starter which was about £6, and a squash. What made it worse though was that I'd only had one soft drink and had been persuaded to share my own starter with someone else. Lots of other people had ordered starters, sides and 3-4 beers or cocktails.

Generally I always lose out because I only ever have one soft drink, but I don't mind as it's just easier, really wasn't expecting to be asked to pay that for ds though.

I can't believe you had to share your starter. There is no way I would go out with these people again.They eat like kings but pay like a pauper

It's usually the person whose ordered the most expensive steak on the menu and quaffed a bottle of whiskey that is very keen to split the bill equally...

I rarely go on group meals because I've been caught out like this so many times. As a vegetarian tee-totaller I really object to subsidising the 3-course with steak and champagne colleague.

In the last few years our work meals have been at the sort of place where there is more or less a set menu. If everyone's main course is about £6.95, nobody has had starter or dessert and no alcohol I'm happy to split. Otherise I pay for what I've had plus extra for a tip.

It's outrageous to be asked to pay £30 for a child.

whoever said the 'I am just having a soft drink' brigade..can quite frankly F* off. I don't drink and once ended up overpaying to the tune of £30 subsidising everybody's bloody drinks. Learnt my lesson and now in group settings as I am looking at the menu and deciding what to order I just round up the cost of what I am ordering and keep a mental note in my head. So when the inevitable bill splitting happens at least I can decide if the 'split equally between everyone' is say only £5 more (something I can choose to happily accept or way out there and £30 more than what I have consumed.

I would have a quiet word with the server before you sit down and ask for your 3 meals and drinks to be put on a separate bill so you pay for just what you need (assuming it's not a chinese or indian type restaurant where there's lots of sharing involved).

Then when the bills come you can just say that you've organised to have your bill separately after the way you got stitched up last time so that if you need to leave early if ds is tired it will be much easier, plus it makes more sense for the rest of them to take you 3 out of the big bill given the disparity between what you have and the rest of them have.

So long as you do it as you order initially the servers will probably be absolutely fine about it - it's easy for them to do a bill for you as you go so long as they know. The fun bit is when the others order the bill in advance, say they've split it between everyone and you say not today, I've had ours done separately thanks... and they they realise that actually they have to pay for what they've eaten and they don't have you guys to subsidise them.

when dh was a student he worked part time in a research lab, part time doing his degree. They'd go out occasionally for a meal - he had very little money so chose the cheapest main course and made a single beer last for the entire meal. The head of the group ordered a three course meal of expensive stuff, lots of expensive drinks - and then said they needed to split the bill to make it simple. It would have trebled dh's bill - which he just didn't have the money for. Luckily one of the others there realised what was happening by the horrified look on dh's face - and he was probably pissed off about subsidising his better paid boss too - so said it really wasn't fair on dh as a poor student to pay full whack as he'd scrimped on his meal and that actually it was really easy for them to tot up what they'd had individually as most of them had been on beer rather than the boss's expensive wine so they could all pay their own and just those that had had the wine could drink it. Needless to say the boss was furious - but couldn't make a big fuss - but he seemed to genuinely think he had a right to order the expensive stuff on the menu and that it was fair to split the bill but not fair to make him pay for it himself as he'd have ordered something cheaper if he knew that they were going to pay individually Kind of summed him up as a person though

Longer story than I meant sorry, but anyhow, that's how dh soon started to figure out that in group situations when he was planning on having lots less than the average, that it was much easier to have his own bill and keep control of the amount he paid right from the start and he's never had a problem with it. So it might be worth giving it a go. And as you have a quiet word with the server, it's not like you have to stand up and announce it to the group so there's no confrontation or awkward discussions, it just is the situation.

And if you do do that, but say end up having a glass of wine or something from the main group menu, work out a line beforehand like 'well that's ds's glass of wine from last time that we had to pay for' to show them how petty they are being!

oops massive cross post there - think my page hadn't been updated since after lunch and I didn't notice

I hate sharing the bill equally and will usually try to pay for what I had, although I only usually do a group meal once a year. I don't drink much either so don't see why I should subsidise people who knock back about 2 bottles of wine with ease as opposed to my 1 or 2 glasses. I find buying drinks at the bar now works out easier.

I'd say you are either leaving DS at home because it goes on too late and he gets too wound up (I hate it when relatives do this!) Or say upfront that you won't be splitting it 3 ways when 1 of you is a 6 year old who had about £6 worth of food/drink. They can't force you to pay or take your child.