Splitting the bill

[Pyjamaramadrama]

A few months ago we went for a meal with some family. Me, dh and ds who was 6.

There were quite a few people and at the end everyone split the bill as normal. I think it was £30 each.

The thing is dh feels we got massively ripped off as ds only had a starter and a squash, I only had a soft drink as was driving but not too bothered about that. It was more paying £30 for ds when other people had starters mains and sides and lots of drinks.

If forgotten but we didn't really want to be awkward at the time and look tight.

I'm wondering was it fair or should we have paid less for ds, or should we have spoken up?

The reason it's come up is there is another meal coming up and dh thinks that we shouldn't take ds again. There are other reasons like it ends up getting really late, also some people get him really over excited then get annoyed when he messes around.

No that's not right, if we go out with friends or family we do usually split the bill but would always make those who didn't drink or had less for whatever reason pay less! paying £30 for a kid is ludicrous

We've had a similar issue lately but from the other side. We've been meeting up with a couple of friends and their dd for a meal about once a month. Always an Italian because that's their dd's fave.

They order her a starter of calamari - which she picks at then they share between them (on top of their starters), then she has a pizza which she'll have a few bites of and then leaves to eye up the ice cream. The couple will then share out her pizza too. (These aren't children's meals either). She'll have one or maybe two glasses of juice while we're there too. We then split the bill 4 ways, between the adults (or 2 ways, as in 2 couples), always have.

It wasn't until OH and I visited the same restaurant, just the two of us, ordered what we normally have and couldn't believe how cheap it was in comparison to the previous visits. My OH added up their dd's order and it was around the £30 - £35 mark.

So it can be slightly annoying from both sides when ppl split the bill unfairly; granted most wouldn't expect others to pay for their child's 3 course meal. But we had just never realised and maybe in your case, with it being a large group, the others may not have realised that your child only had a starter and a drink.

Problem with the German system is its a pain in the butt at the time of splitting the bill, especially if there are lots of you. I have seen so many arguements about dividing up the bill.

To be honest I tend to do the opposite if we are splitting. I love to have a good steak but will never have it when splitting the bill with others because it's unfair. Or if I do, I offer to pay more than my share to cover it.

I agree it's a good idea to decide from the start.

Just pay for your own if you go out with this group again.If im with likemined people we split the bill.But i bring my kids i pay separate,it just makes more sense.

I'll always split a bill, it is annoying when people put in money that doesn't even cover their meal let alone drinks though as happened on last group meal out. Agreeing how bill is settled at start of meal is a good idea.

Can you suggest you take the cost of his meal out and then divide by the number of adults?

Bill splitting - I always do badly although live with it and don't moan. I am vegetarian, and generally my meal is cheaper

Nothing annoys me more than the "I only had a soft drink" brigade when it comes to bill splitting. If it is all adults then an equal split is normal. I don't think a child who isn't eating a full meal should be included in the equal split. If you go again I'd suggest you say at the start of the meal that you will pay separately for him, the it won't come up for debate once people have been drinking and you are at the point of paying up.

I got stung recently.

Next time I go I'm torn between asking for my own bill or just putting £20 for example down & sayng "there's my share"

Sometimes if you are regularly out with the same folks it can even out.

But when there's always some having all three courses plus drinks, subbing them does wear thin.

Of course, they are the ones who should get their own bill, butit's obvious why they don't!

Ex, I am in the soft-drink brigade and I ask for the bill for food to be split, but not to contribute to other people's drinks. Wine/beer/cocktails add a significant amount to the bill and I don't drink them, so I'm not paying for them.

Other stuff, like someone having a more expensive main than me, I don't really mind as I might have a more expensive one next time and it evens out in the end. Drinks are different though.

If you're the only people with children and you say DS gets wound up as the night goes on, you could announce quite openly before the meal starts:
"We'll be leaving early with DS so we'll settle our part of the bill with the staff before we go.".
Clear, polite and obviously not open to negotiation.

If you attend the next meal ask the server at the time of ordering to put your/dh's/dc's order on to a separate bill as you will probably be leaving earlier.

This way you can easily request your bill when you have had enough think DC is getting tired, and have the added benefit of paying for what you order.

I've never had a server refuse, or even look bothered, about doing separate bills.

Oops, cross posted there with sgtmajor

Ooo goody, we haven't had a bill splitting one for a good 6 months.

There will never be agreement. The "split equally" lot are greedy pisstakers wanting others to subsidise their expensive choices, whilst the "pay for what you have" are sad tight bastards who probably don't even put a tip in.

I like to sit on the fence. If it's a big group, there are bound to be discrepancies, and it is unfair to split then, especially as these sort of dos you might not know people or they are acquaintances through work etc. If it's two couples going out, you tend to eat and drink similar amounts. It's certainly rare for one couple to have 3 courses and the other to just have a main for instance.

I certainly think it is bad form for the people who have consumed the most to then say the bill should be split equally.

And the OP is not being unreasonable at all. A 6 year old costs nothing like as much. I would have said something.

I've always split bill by paying for what I ordered. Went out last week with friends and we all chucked in what we spent plus tip. No one fought, those who wanted dessert ordered it without feeling like they would be screwing anyone else and those who have less cash ordered and spent less. No hassle and with a phone as a calculator it took all of 3 minutes to figure out what 7 people owed. It's the way forward.

I wonder OP if you find it difficult to be assertive generally, which is why these people seem to be taking advantage. They decide you are going (whether you like it or not), turn up late, (which is plain rude given you have a small child with you) and dictate how you are splitting the bill, when it always disadvantages you. I'm generally in the splitting the bill camp but am always sensitive to situations like yours and would just put in extra for my more expensive meals/extra drinks etc. Also would not expect you to pay full price for a child eating minimal amounts. it might help for you to start reflecting that you and your families' needs and wishes are as important as anyone else's. Once you get into the habit of thinking that way, it becomes much easier to be assertive. You sound like a naturally sensitive person, so you needn't worry that you're going to become selfish, just as fair to yourself and your family, as you are to others! Good luck.

I always add tip to what I spent before I chuck money in. That's part of what you spent imo.

In your situation I either wouldn't take your child again - I think the cousin pointedly telling you it was £30 for your child knew exactly how unreasonable he was being - or I'd go but once we'd all eaten I'd work out what our share was and hand that over, plus tip, when the bill arrived.

I agree that soft drinks can easily be as much as alcoholic drinks. My DP does not drink and a beer is sometimes cheaper than a soft drink.

Maybe just say at the beginning though that you want to pay for what you actually ate.

Go for the meal then as soon as you finish eating say it's DS's bedtime, leave money on the table for what you've had and a tip then depart leaving them to split the remainder of the bill.

But then I don't drink much. One beer or glass of wine is fine.

I do stroll prefer to just split the bill evenly with family or friends. I cant be arsed nit picking.

That said, I wouldn't go out for dinner again with people who would class a 6 year old as an adult to split the bill with. Fuck that.