DD refuses to go to the doctors...

[LookingForAdvice12345]

DD is 17 and I do appreciate she's almost an adult (like the rest of the family have been telling me). However, I'm worried about her.

I'm suspecting gallstones. She has loads of symptoms - the main one being: spells of horrendous upper stomach pain - she has a great pain threshold and she'll be in absolute tears and screaming in pain. She always describes it as 'something has ruptured'. Anyway, she's overweight and she lacks in a lot of confidence because of it and this is her reason for not wanting to go. I've explained that they won't be judging you, etc. but she's having none of it.

I can't stand her being in so much pain, it's so bad, she puts hot/cold water on that area, until it has burnt her skin, to take the pain away. I can't watch her like it and who knows what damage is happening inside her, but I can't exactly force her.

WWYD?

I don't know, but there's nothing more I can do, I'll phone the GP and see, but it doesn't mean she'll comply with it

I am overweight and have just had a general three weeks ago - I also hide my weight well and wasn't weighed at all for the general nor was I asked - was fully expecting to be. Am also pregnant so thought it would be high priority and they hadn't looked at my notes either!

I would also suggest making an appointment to discuss with a doctor your concerns about your daughter refusing to come and see them and the various issues she has - they might be able to come up with some suggestions of how they can proceed - that might be a phone consultation, or a promise to not discuss her weight.

I am the opposite of your daughter and always mention my weight before they do - it makes me feel like they are not pointing it out to me as if I hadn't realised it so in control of the comments so to speak.

I am also doing SW but online and more to manage my diet during pregnancy rather than lose weight and it is really easy. Maybe encourage her to walk round the block at a quiet time of day to help get some fresh air and increase the activity.

She's 17, she's gained four stone in six months, her periods are "erratic" and she's too scared to see a doctor, and in seven pages nobody has suggested she may be pregnant and hiding it?

Sorry OP but I think this may be a very likely explanation. I hope you manage to get her to a doctor.

horrendous upper stomach pain - she has a great pain threshold and she'll be in absolute tears and screaming in pain. She always describes it as 'something has ruptured'

Unless she was actually in labour, does that sound like something you'd experience in pregnancy?

Isn't it still possible to have gallstones when you're pregnant though?

It could be anything. She really needs to see a doctor. Personally I would make her, for her own good, but that's just me.

Yes I had gallstones in pregnancy! It was the most horrific pain in the world though about a million times worse than labour so can't imagine anyone not seeing a Dr about it.

At 17 I think I would make dd a Drs appointment and just tell her she was going. If she then doesn't go make it very clear that thats not o.kay and have a consequence ready.

"Personally I would make her, for her own good, but that's just me."

How would you 'make her'? Even if OP manages to physically manhandle her into a car and into the GP surgery, the doctor won't be able to do a physical examination, make a referral or prescribe anything without her consent.

I have only read the OP's posts and skim read the others, so I'm not sure if this has been pointed out, but losing weight very suddenly can actually cause gallstones, so please be careful. A healthy, balanced diet (ideally low fat, though to be honest if it it is gallstones, pretty much any food can trigger them) and if at all possible, exercise, aiming for a slower but consistent weight loss would be best to avoid making it worse.

I am sorry that you and your dd are going through this, it sounds so hard

Could she get a Fitbit and do the 10,000 steps per day, OP? It sounds as though any other exercise wouldn't appeal to her at the moment, but she could go for a walk (with you or another family member) twice a day and get up to that number.

Oh OP, I wish I could give your DD a big hug.

I have an underactive thyroid and it went undetected for years. I put on loads of weight, was constantly tired and going about the simplest of tasks felt like I was swimming through brain soup.

Starting thyroxine changed so much for me. Losing weight became much easier, and I could think straight for the first time in years. My mood lifted dramatically.

I have no experience of gallstones so I can't help there. Do you think your DD might be willing to see the practice nurse? They are able to offer support for weight loss and are generally less scary to talk to then DRs are

I wouldn't even attempt to manhandle her yorksha and I agree it has to be her decision.

But I would have very stern words with her. I would tell her that she was making me feel upset and worried. I would say that I am plagued by fears that there is something wrong and that she needs treatment.

People can and do die from refusing treatment. All this worry on me is totally unnecessary as she could reassure us both by a simple consultation with the gp. If she couldn't do it for herself I would urge her to think about others and the strain she was putting on them.

She has some growing up to do and will soon be old enough to leave home and live an independant life.

I had gall stones and a lot of the pain was in my back so may not be gallstones. All the more reason to have it checked. Also l lost a stone and a half very quickly after operation.. Would it help if she heard someone say to you..l lost a lot of weight after my gallstone operation. Think l would go for calling an ambulance. Here once they're called they have to bring you in even if pain gone by the time they arrived. I was praying for an ambulance to come when in worst of gallstone pain.

I am also amazed we made it this far without anyone suggesting pregnancy... Especially the fact you say she is sensitive mostly around your stomach and refuses to remove her cardigan. Could be completely wrong but I would definitely be getting her to take a test... She could still have gall stones and these would be very painful in pregnancy!

If you have ruled out pregnancy (which certainly looks like it could be worth ruling out). Could you email the GP and mention it, maybe ask that she see a sympathetic female dr who has the ability to treat her weight with the sensitivity it needs (given CAMHS etc).

Maybe ask what sort of tests they would need to do given her symptoms - basically take the questions out of the situation.

I would also suggest pregnancy is something that might be worth considering. As she is 17, could you as her parent (with her input) make her an appointment to see an understanding female nurse who understands the sensitivity she has around her weight? Or would the cutoff age for that be 16? It would really be worth stressing that she is experiencing significant pain but is holding off seeking medical attention. To be honest it sounds like it's gone beyond an unpleasant experience and has developed into a full-blown phobia. Do you think she might respond more positively to the idea of a home visit, if you could get one? Or do you think she might be prepared to speak to someone over the phone?

As an aside, I don't think it's fair to say, as many have on this thread, that most doctors are judgey and sanctimonious about weight (although I agree some can be). For the most part, being overweight is a health problem, albeit a slow-burning one, and doctors would be remiss if they didn't at least ask. It would be like going to see a GP for a medical checkup and expecting them to ignore a broken bone. That's not to say they shouldn't be tactful about it, but I think it's fair for GPs to bring it up if they see an issue.