DD refuses to go to the doctors...

[LookingForAdvice12345]

DD is 17 and I do appreciate she's almost an adult (like the rest of the family have been telling me). However, I'm worried about her.

I'm suspecting gallstones. She has loads of symptoms - the main one being: spells of horrendous upper stomach pain - she has a great pain threshold and she'll be in absolute tears and screaming in pain. She always describes it as 'something has ruptured'. Anyway, she's overweight and she lacks in a lot of confidence because of it and this is her reason for not wanting to go. I've explained that they won't be judging you, etc. but she's having none of it.

I can't stand her being in so much pain, it's so bad, she puts hot/cold water on that area, until it has burnt her skin, to take the pain away. I can't watch her like it and who knows what damage is happening inside her, but I can't exactly force her.

WWYD?

Poor kid, she's got a lot of issues going on, hasn't she?

OCD, over weight, can't cope at college, acute pain but wont see Dr.

All a vicious circle really, and a horrible combination.

How long has she been OCD, and is it something specific?

Don't let her have unrealistic hopes though. Her thyroid can mean that she will put on weight, and when it is treated will loose it. But it usually means you put on a bit of extra weight, not this amount.

Poor girl.
I know nothing about gallstones but it does sound like she may have a thyroid problem which would be a factor with the weight issue.
If true this aspect can potentially be sorted easily.
OP can you find a sympathetic gp yourself and go and see him/her and explain the situation.
You may even be able to convince them to come to the house.
At the very least you could say "I met this really nice doctor and she says she's really concerned about you and she has promised not to say anything about your weight..."

I would call your/her doctor for advice ASAP

if i couldn't physically get him into the car i would call an ambulance
seriously

'there's only so much i can do'
that's what i mean about being passive-sorry i am really really not trying to be horrible here. You are in an ENORMOUSLY difficult situation and i really feel for you.

She's not 18 yet. She's not an adult.She is making appallingly bad choices so you HAVE to intervene. It sounds like you are so worn down by it all that you have lost your mojo iyswim.

There has been some great advice here about going to the gp yourself and talking to them about your daughter/phoning an ambulance next time/getting a phone consultation etc

i just think you've reached the stage where doing nothing isn't an option anymore

I'm overweight I weighed 23 stone. I suffered and didn't want to see the doctor for years due to my weight. I've ended up with far more severe complications which could have been sorted had I seen my gp sooner. If she wants to chat then you can by all means get her to contact me. I know what it's like the embarrassment but she doesn't want to end up in hospital where you have zero privacy.
Since then I've lost 5 stone so things will improve but in the first instance she needs to find out what this pain is.

I learnt a bit of REBT which is a branch of CBT. She sounds like she is, like many people with phobias, catastrophising. She thinks it would be a disaster and end of the world if for example the GP mentions weight or prods the tummy area. Could she start saying things to herself like "I don't want them to mention my weight but if they do its not the end of the world. I won't like it and I might feel uncomfortable but that's all"

If she repeats this to herself gradually she will begin to believe it. She doesn't have to believe it to start with.

Thank you all so much for the advice, I'm on the app, so find it difficult to reply to you all individually!

Yes, she has seen someone at CAMHS, and has been put forward for CBT regarding her OCD and a psychiatrist, for her medication, but we don't need that any more as she is off it.

Thanks all for your advice

You sound like a lovely mum, OP

Aww, thank you!

Oh bless her :( this sounds horrible for her and you :(

I really don't know what to suggest about actually getting her to see someone.

It might be worth having a look into Cushing syndrome - my GP suggested this to me, I don't have it as it turns out but it seems like a few of her symptoms could be related.

Not the acute pain though, no idea about that although maybe a stomach ulcer if the pain has been building up? (just a thought, no idea if it's relevant)

Is she managing being off her medication - could coming off it have triggered the weight gain (some have weight changes as side effects)?

Poor thing, I feel so sorry for her. I had gallstones for years although I didn't realise what the attacks were, I thought it was bad indigestion. That was despite being curled up in a ball, sobbing and wanting to die. When the attacks were at their worst DH used to ask me if I needed an ambulance as there was no way I could have walked to the car.

The attacks got more and more frequent and I ended up going to A & E where I was told I had pancreatitis caused by gallstones. I had my gallbladder out 2 weeks later.

Whatever is causing your daughter's pain, I hope she gets some relief soon

Were going to SW tomorrow

really good news-really positive

i would def do the low fat diet i was saying about though- i ended up in hospital for 10 days with an infected gallbladder and i literally thought that i was going to die. i felt TERRIBLE. They pumped me full of painkillers and i slept for the first 5 days basically. i wasn't even allowed to have a drink of water. Do ANYTHING to avoid it going that far.

Good luck with SW! I know someone who attends and finds it very supportive.

Good luck with SW! I love it, its so easy to stick to and you will see a difference if you follow the plan :) Make sure you speak to the consultant if your DD doesnt want anything saying to her at class, they will always accommodate your needs. Everyone in my group is very supportive and as a social team we definitely do our best to make new members feel very welcome and comfortable

I'm not sure if we'll stay all the class, maybe just for the weigh in to begin with? Can you do that?

not the first time you

the leader will sit with you when you arrive, and any other new members and talk through the plan-explain it all. Then you sit in for the rest of the class and watch how it's done and at the end the leader will take your money and weigh you.

go

Oh okay, I think she'll be alright with that

gym it does depend. if we are quiet then the consultant does the new member talk with them, then allows us to put them through prior to 'image therapy' beginning, so then its up to them if they want to stay or not. Most do, but some for personal reasons dont, so if your DD really doesnt want to stay it is worth asking.
it may just be my consultant but we do let new members do that if they want to :)

OP, I don't mean to denigrated what sounds like an important bit of progress to you, but it sounds like she doesn't need to go to Slimming World as much as she needs to see a doctor. She's been having these painful attacks for a long time now, it could be something very dangerous to her health. Please don't take up the mindset, which she seems to have, that unless she has a thin body her pain and illness is not worth dealing with. Not to mention many posters are pointing out medical things that could be causing her to put on weight and have trouble keeping it off - PCOS, Cushing Syndrome, thyroid issues, etc. If she has one of these (or something else that a doctor can diagnose - which none of us can because we aren't there with you and aren't doctors) she will find it hard or impossible to lose weight. It may well make her feel worse, less likely to want to see the doctor, not more.... I'm worried about you both, it must be so hard.

Well, she refuses to go unless she is smaller? I'm doing the only thing which will get her to go (support her with losing weight) I don't know what else to do, but that. I'm not fussed if she put on 10 stone (only for health benefits of course) or lost 10... So it's only for her

But what if she can't get smaller? Due to the health problem that is causing her to cry with pain, collapse, be told she needs bloods taking by A&E doctor? HOW will going on a dieting plan designed for healthy albeit overweight people help her a) lose weight b) gain in self esteem enough to see a doctor?