DD refuses to go to the doctors...

[LookingForAdvice12345]

DD is 17 and I do appreciate she's almost an adult (like the rest of the family have been telling me). However, I'm worried about her.

I'm suspecting gallstones. She has loads of symptoms - the main one being: spells of horrendous upper stomach pain - she has a great pain threshold and she'll be in absolute tears and screaming in pain. She always describes it as 'something has ruptured'. Anyway, she's overweight and she lacks in a lot of confidence because of it and this is her reason for not wanting to go. I've explained that they won't be judging you, etc. but she's having none of it.

I can't stand her being in so much pain, it's so bad, she puts hot/cold water on that area, until it has burnt her skin, to take the pain away. I can't watch her like it and who knows what damage is happening inside her, but I can't exactly force her.

WWYD?

No and she won't

That's a really positive step, it takes a big mental shift to start the weight loss routine. Would you mind saying what kind of clothes size/bmi she is? I understand if you don't want to, but it would be easier to understand what kind of impact this is having psychologically, and if we can give any tips which would make her feel better.

I can sympathise completely, it seems so much harder being an overweight teenage girl, the feeling of being an outsider can be overwhelming.

I'm sorry but as one who doesn't call an ambulance for ANYTHING I would call one for her if the pain is that acute.

The paramedics will have seen all sorts, have a quiet word with them when they arrive & put them in the picture.

Coldtea you could be looking at an acute abdomen here & the risk of peritonitis, I don't think the OP should dither.

OP- give her an (gentle but firm) ultimatum, she either lets you take her to A&E by car or you call an ambulance but either way she needs to be checked over asap.

If gallbladder ruptures, no it is not an ambulance situation straight away.
Level of pain can be very similar to gallstone pain attacks however you would start to feel progressively quite unwell with fever, nausea etc and would need to be seen either as emergency GP appointment or check in to Emergency department. I highly doubt she would still refuse to see a doctor if it got to that stage but of course OP needs to find a way of persuading her to be seen to make sure it doesn't come to that.

Personally I think forcing an ambulance on her given her anxiety issues would be pretty traumatic for her. Should be the absolute last case scenario i.e. Genuine emergency.

ffs, a GP? About an ankle?

Actually obesity is a big contributor to musculoskeletal problems so weight is completely relevant to a consultation about an ankle injury. The evidence shows that most familes don't realise when children are obese. And weighing children is important when calculating doses for painkillers - if you just go on age, heavier children get a dose that is too low and are left in pain. The point I am making is that - though it probably felt to your DD that her weight was being mentioned for no reason - actually there was a valid reason on each occasion. Hopefully this may help reassure her that the GP won't bring it up every time for the sake of it.

However, I do have to say that obesity is an important risk factor for gallstones so you need to warn the GP in advance if you don't want it to be mentioned at all on this occasion.

Mardy that's really sweet of you - she carries her weight so well, it's sickening!! Her BMI is in her 30s, I'm not sure exact, but she does weigh a lot, she's 5'5.

She knows it's a big contributor to gallstones and that's why she is making a healthier lifestyle. She's doing great, I just feel bad because when DD1 comes home she eats soooo much and I don't know what to say to DD2! She's been slightly bad this weekend and is getting back into over the next weeks...

I just worry that one day she'll have to go to A+E with it and that would emotionally kill her

It becomes such a vicious cycle doesn't it? The deep anxiety and shame she feels about her body contributes to comfort eating, which results in more anxiety. I know for me when my mother would try to 'tackle' the issue it would just make me shut down completely, I didn't feel capable on an emotional level to handle the reality of the situation.

It must be very difficult and upsetting for you to see her in pain, not only physically from these symptoms but emotionally that she is experiencing this level of fear and anxiety.

Yes, she knows she's 'obese' and no, she doesn't seem more confident she should be, I wish I looked like her (I know all mums think their DDs are pretty, but she really is).

Anyway, completely off subject.

I just really want her to lose the weight for herself... So she wouldn't even second guess going to a doctor.

She needs to go about her periods too, they only happen every 3 months, but nothing can be sorted as she never goes!

Would there be any chance of making an appointment to see a private GP? Perhaps your DD could find out about some and pick one she thinks might be the most sympathetic? You can always go back to the NHS for any further tests etc.

Also is she receiving any counselling or talking therapy at the moment?

She is in the waiting list for therapy (for OCD) but CAMHS are pushing her to the back, often, because they have no clue if they should do it through them or the adult services, it's a shambles!!!

I'd love her to join SW with me! But again the whole weighing thing urgh!

Actually I'm going to talk to her about SW tomorrow

I wonder if the therapy waiting list is something the GP could chase up, if you were to give them a ring?

I think she'll hate being the youngest at SW and I weigh a couple of stones less than her and hmm, well see if she'll go.

Thank you to everyone's advice

I might have missed this but are you sure is is gallstones? The pain in her abdomen plus erratic periods could be a be a number of things and really important to get it checked. I should know I have had more gynaecological hoo has than most! Perhaps phone 111, if it still exists, and speak to a nurse who will advise. I hope it works out for her and you!

The lack of periods really isn't related, the pain is completely separate and in the wrong area, I'm 99.9% sure it's gallstones

The PE teachers really got to her with comments too, so I think society has really shattered her confidence, I'm not blaming people, but it's horrible to see her feeling like she shouldn't be seen by a doctor because she is overweight, but I think the only way for her to go, is for her to lose weight. She has put on 4 stone in 6 months, how? I have no idea, but that's terrible and I feel like I'm failing. I wish she'd get her thyroid checked, I'm not in denial and I know she can eat poorly, but not to that extent. She has bad stretch marks too, as you can imagine and I think that's what's doing it the most (her confidence I mean)... We go on holiday soon and she's refusing to wear a swimming costume/take off a cardigan, it's so sad. I hope and prey she'll come along to SW the weigh ins will really encourage her thanks all, if only she had you lot! You're all lovely!!

I refuse to let my GP (or anyone else, for that matter) weigh me. I doubt if I could actually make myself get on a scale anyway, i have severe anxiety about it.
The GP cannot weigh her against her will. If she refuses and they need her weight for medication purposes (although as she is very nearly an adult in terms of age and presumably adult-sized it may not be as necessary as it is for young children.)
So you could emphasise to her that it is entirely up to her whether she is weighed or not. And you could mention her sensitivity about her weight to the surgery beforehand and ask that it not be brought up in the consultation.

Could the SW leader weigh her with the scales covered so she can't see it until it's written down and she can read it later at home? Some people did this at my group