DD refuses to go to the doctors...

[LookingForAdvice12345]

DD is 17 and I do appreciate she's almost an adult (like the rest of the family have been telling me). However, I'm worried about her.

I'm suspecting gallstones. She has loads of symptoms - the main one being: spells of horrendous upper stomach pain - she has a great pain threshold and she'll be in absolute tears and screaming in pain. She always describes it as 'something has ruptured'. Anyway, she's overweight and she lacks in a lot of confidence because of it and this is her reason for not wanting to go. I've explained that they won't be judging you, etc. but she's having none of it.

I can't stand her being in so much pain, it's so bad, she puts hot/cold water on that area, until it has burnt her skin, to take the pain away. I can't watch her like it and who knows what damage is happening inside her, but I can't exactly force her.

WWYD?

I always go to the doctor with her

I'll see if she'll consider, but who knows! The pain is as high as her ribs, but in the middle, if that makes sense... I think it's too high for stomach issues.

As anyone been to SW???

As she is so anxious about her weight, I don't think SW is a good idea.

Cleaty she's the one who suggested it (when we were on holiday last year) I haven't asked here since and I was going to

I definitely wouldn't force her to go, if she said no, then that's fine. But I know that she won't go to the doctor unless she feels comfy

No! I really appreciate your advice!

I think the issue is the whole prodding around on the stomach/scans around that area. Otherwise I think she would go. She did even say, one day when she was having one of the nasty painful attacks, that she may just have to go to A&E, she was already in absolute tears about the pain and then she was in a frenzy about having to go and then it finally went off - I just know she's in so much pain for her to suggest it and it's horrible to watch and in a way, I distance myself (I feel so bad doing that) but it's so hard when she refuses to let someone take that pain away (so I find it hard to hear her screaming in pain)

It's the prodding and the scans she doesn't want on her stomach... She thinks it'll be "too embarrassing"

I don't see how phoning an ambulance will solve anything. Paramedics won't be able to examine her or transport her to hospital without her consent. Even if she did agree to go under duress or out of sheer embarassment, once she has been seen at A&E they will most likely want her to visit her GP to follow things up (e.g last time she was in A&E she was asked to get bloods done and hasn't) so this won't actually solve the prpblem in the long term. I can understand OP's concern regarding the stomach pain but in the nicest possible way, the Ambulance service is not for people who don't like going to their GP, even if they have very understandable reasons for not wanting to go.

You mention that your DD is on the waiting list for therapy from CAMHS. In all the CAMHS teams where I have worked, 17 is the cut off where young people would have to go to adult MH services (so new referrals wouldn't be accepted over 16.5 years and young people who are already having ongoing therapy would be discharged at 17 or start the process of being transitioned to Adult MH at 16.5 years) so might be worth chasing up to see whether she is actually still on the list. Is there an IAPT service in your local area? They can usually see people for CBT quite quickly and you can self refer to the service by phone.

im on the social team at SW and have been for 3 years. Reached my target with it and stayed there to keep me on track and help others. Obviously different plans and diets work for different people, but as i used SW its the only one i can advocate from experience.
With new members we are very discrete, we NEVER mention any anyones weight in figures at all, the only thing mentioned if you stay to 'image therapy' is the amount lost that week, gains are also not quantified. Again though you can ask your consultant to either miss you out altogether or just not put a figure to the loss.
At weigh in some people ask for the scales to be covered or for me to just write the results in their book and not say anything to them which is fine - the group will work however you want it to just talk to the consultant and they will help :) We have lots of mums and daughters in our group and ina way sometimes the 'competition' between them to lose spurs them on even more to stick to the plan!
for me personally its worked amazing and changed my lifestyle and eating habits completely and im still a pig- but with healthy stuff so i can enjoy food still. I really hope your DD gets the help she needs, and i do think SW can be very good for people but it all depends if she wants to go, noone can be forced xx

Her mental health needs sorting, all else will follow that. Have you looked at paying for counselling for her? Rather than waiting months for referral? It is an expense but totally worth it. She can discuss her physical healt with them and get support from them to have a medical assessment. A charity in your local area may do it for free.

Also, would the health centre send a doctor out to her? You can explain her fear and mental health issue to them so they don't weigh her. Nurses come out to take bloods. I'd say her circumstances are exceptional enough to warrant a house call, like the elderly and immobile get.

OP you say she gained 4 stone in six months. What is her diet like? Is this gain due to over eating or does she eat a regular, three meals a day type of diet?

I'm asking because if it's over eating you can help a lot by only having actual food in the house - meat that needs to be cooked, fish, vegetables, rice, pasta, etc. Then if you dd wants to eat biscuits, crisps, cake, chocolate, burgers, etc. she will have to go out and get it herself and pay for it herself.

Presumably she is in college or on some kind of course, so not in full time employment? Does she have a part time job? Sorry for all the questions but if she can't afford to over eat and you don't buy it for her, she will naturally lose weight won't she?

Thanks all

Good to hear about SW

Yes, a different doctor referred her to IAPT, when she was 16 and still not heard anything, but then she was referred to CAMHS, by a different person and her key worker said she can be under until 18... So she is just waiting.

Fairenuff - no, she eats 3 meals a day and maybe one snack (which is normally a cracker) tbh her diet isn't bad at all, yes sometimes she picks at stuff, but then her other meals are small. We only have frozen food/ingredients and yes there are crisps in the house but I know how many packets. We don't have biscuits/chocolate.

No, she doesn't have a part time job. She doesn't leave the house. She's doing A-Levels at home (she could cope at college)

*couldnt Cope

The idea that you have to be eating massive amounts of food to put on that kind of weight is bollocks. Especially if you are fairly inactive.

Yes, I admit she isn't active at all

What is the cause of the weight gain OP, do you know?

Lack of exercise? I'm honestly not to sure... Her sister eats 3 times the amount she does and is average

ok several things spring to mind;

dead central pain does NOT sound like gallstones. it tends to be more over to the side and the pain radiates through to your back. It is EXCRUCIATING. You feel feel very restless too-lots of shifting about.

dead central pain DOES sound like hiatus hernia which can feel like a heart attack, it's so painful.

if it IS gallstones then the best thing to help stop attacks occurring is to follow a very low fat diet. Nothing you eat should contain more than 3g of fat per 100g. So lean chicken breast, rice, vegetables basically. It REALLY helps and has the added bonus of helping a bit of weight drop off. i lost 2 stone due to this diet.

If it is haitus herni athen avoiding Citrus foods, such as oranges, grapefruits, and lemons, and orange juice, grapefruit juice, cranberry juice, and lemonade
Chocolate
Fatty and fried foods, such as fried chicken and fatty cuts of meat
Garlic and onions
Spicy food
Peppermint and spearmint
Tomato-based foods such as spaghetti sauce, pizza, chili, salsa, and tomato juice
Coffee, tea (including decaffeinated versions), and alcohol
Carbonated beverages
Dairy products, such as whole milk, ice cream, and creamed food will help.

my other [probably less helpful] thought is that you seem very passive. Sometimes our kids and teenagers-especially teenagers-make really poor decisions and choices and there does come a time when we have to step in and say 'i can't allow to make that choice anymore'

i have an almost 16 year old. If he was screaming in pain then i would either bundle him into the car and take him to see a medical professional or call an ambulance and have him taken that way.

If it is a gallbladder problem then one day a stonemay get caught in the bile duct and she could die! It's serios thing!

Plus if she is not menstruating properly then that too really needs looking at. I really think you need to be stronger and more active than you are being.

Is it possible for you to make an appointment with the GP.

Talk through these issues 'on her behalf'. The thyroid. The periods. The phobia of the Dr's.

It does sound like there may be some medical causes and contributers to the obesity which can't be corrected without seeing a GP so unless you do something improvement will be difficult. I appreciate it is a vicious circle. But I think YOU need the guidance of a GP to tackle this as a team.

Would it help to Google and show her that the thyroid issue which she is already aware may be there could be the cause of the obesity. That by seeing a GP about it she may get an explanation for the obesity and if necessary treatment that may help resolve the problem.

Same with the periods. If you show her that there may be medical reasons for the weight problems that she can't fix without seeing the Dr...

Certainly for thyroid and possibly PCOS there are diagnostic blood tests. Is there any way you can get her in to see the nurse just for the bloods?

Maybe the nurse could explain to her what the GP would need to do/examine to investigate properly so that she has some 'talking' appointments first to grow her confidence.

The problem is, how would you get your son into a car? I don't think you appreciate how difficult it would be. I can't force her to do anything... She's 17, I don't even have a right to force her to the doctors, she can legs live alone, there's only so much I can do