DD refuses to go to the doctors...

[LookingForAdvice12345]

DD is 17 and I do appreciate she's almost an adult (like the rest of the family have been telling me). However, I'm worried about her.

I'm suspecting gallstones. She has loads of symptoms - the main one being: spells of horrendous upper stomach pain - she has a great pain threshold and she'll be in absolute tears and screaming in pain. She always describes it as 'something has ruptured'. Anyway, she's overweight and she lacks in a lot of confidence because of it and this is her reason for not wanting to go. I've explained that they won't be judging you, etc. but she's having none of it.

I can't stand her being in so much pain, it's so bad, she puts hot/cold water on that area, until it has burnt her skin, to take the pain away. I can't watch her like it and who knows what damage is happening inside her, but I can't exactly force her.

WWYD?

I would ask for phone consultation w GP and advise him/her of the issues- they will not wish to collude with you and so will either ask to speak to dd or for her to make appt. ask GP how to get her in- GP could ring dd etc, possibly?

I wish you well. Terribly tricky for you

Can't you ask the doctor not to weigh her? Mine doesn't if I don't want her to. When I had my gallbladder issues, they had to do an ultrasound to see if I had gallstones (I didn't), but they didn't need to know my weight for that.

Her trust has been shattered. You can only rebuild that by getting an empathetic doctor to speak to her. Is there a pleasant female doctor at your surgery that you could talk to in advance and perhaps they can speak to her on the phone? If she is overweight she might be particularly worried and self conscious about a male doctor examining her?

We did have a nice doctor, so we thought, but then she was useless with her mental health, so there currently isn't a 'nice' one. I mean, I've seen a couple and they're alright to me and her sister, but are really shitty towards her, dismiss everything

OP can you change her surgery? Or, even pay to go private, just for the one appt?

I'll talk to her about doing that, thank you

Feeling pure rage in sympathy with your daughter! I can remember how shit it was to be an overweight teenager, let alone have people comment on it. Fortunately they hardly ever did in my cases, but ffs, a GP? About an ankle?! Think it would be a good idea to make and appointment and call ahead and warn them to keep their mouths gobs shut about her weight, seeing as it's hardly the most burning issue atm but is keeping her from receiving rather urgent medical care.

I think my rage is compounded by the fact that I too had gallstones though my GP repeatedly tried to fob me off by saying it was norovirus. It is absolute agony, and the episodes could well get worse (my first one was a few hours, and in the space of a year this had gone up to 48 hours). I feel so sorry for your daughter, the operation was such a relief! FWIW, I don't think they weighed me pre-op, just asked me what my weight was and commented that it sounded like I had a fun life when I told them about my unhealthy habits :) This was abroad though.

Agree with the idea of a phone consultation to begin with.

Ambulance is not appropriate. When will people learn ambulances are for absolute emergencies? If pain is severe enough to warrant A&E, there is no reason not to take her yourself or a taxi. Just cannot believe people are suggesting ambulance for this situation, they need to be kept available to people in life threatening situations.

It sounds as though, on top of the gallbladder issue, your daughter will need to address her psychological issues about her weight and fear of anxiety about seeing doctors but the immediate issue is finding the cause of her pain.

High possibility that if she has a long standing issue with gallstones which are causing a lot of pain she is likely to have co existing cholecystitis (inflammation of the gallbladder). She needs a GP referral for an ultrasound scan to see what's going on, the sooner the better really.
This condition left unchecked can potentially result in a ruptured gallbladder which would make her feel very poorly indeed and need urgent surgery.

I think you just need to really lay on it on strong that if she doesn't do anything about it she might end up in hospital. Don't mean to panic you OP but I think she needs to stop burying her head in the sand.

Er I dont think they would or should section her or talk about sectioning her. Very bizarre suggestion

Op you are doing all you can do. Remind her of the number of patients the GPs see and how they probably won't even remember her afterward.

Sorry cross posts with you OP. Yes definitely need to look into her changing surgeries. She needs a GP with a gentle and sympathetic approach. She has obviously been really affected by experiences with doctors in the past. Poor girl I really feel for her, hope she can get a good outcome

Change of surgery is a good idea - although maybe tricky as there would be a new patient appointment with a weight in it.

Priming empathetic GP about her low mood, weight issues and that if it is mentioned AT ALL she won't come and is having a health crisis might be better. Then seeing if you can work with one.

Ultimately I think best option would be calling an ambulance and bypassing GP altogether next time she has a pain crisis and is burning her skin with a hot water bottle. The paramedics can't weigh her and then she'll be in hospital.

Now she's 17 they don't weigh you for doses of painkiller anymore as she's adult size so she won't be weighed in A+E.

Have you explained to her that the last time the doctor weighed her it was to work out the correct dosage of medication to be prescribed, and for no other reason? They weren't criticising or judging her, they just needed to get the dose right.

Please tell her that doctors do this often, with people of all shapes and sizes (vets do it too, they weighed our cat recently to calculate the dose of antibiotics needed to clear up an ear infection).

Yeah, she knew it was just for that, but the medication was for 16+ and she was 13 and she was aloud it due to her BMI, so she felt bad about that and it's such a circle with her

What did you mean about the doctor being useless with her mental health? Has she had problems with that in the past?

So if her gall bladder ruptures, Coltea you should take her to a and e in a taxi? Because ambulances are for severe emergencies only. How is the OP able to tell whether it is severe pain or a ruptured gallbladder? (Genuine question)

Is she prepared to lose weight? I don't mean that as a judgement, I'm overweight myself, but I wonder if she isn't prepared to seek medical attention to her Wright, then the only way to make the pain go away is weight loss.

Gruntled - yes, she is under CAMHS, but for OCD, she's much better now.

Yes, she recently been losing weight - she has lost half a stone recently

Could camhs help with this in terms of reassurance and/or referral to a sympathetic doctor?

She doesn't want the gallbladder examination.

She will not mention anything like this to CAMHS

I really appreciate you trying so hard with suggestions, she's just so difficult to get through to!!!