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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you have judged? Would you have said something?

100 replies

flanjabelle · 15/02/2016 21:52

I was in my local high street on Saturday and saw what looked like a man and his two children and either his mother or mil. The younger child was I think younger than two, and in a buggy.

The child had a coat and appropriate clothing on, but no shoes or socks. It was 3 degrees and raining here on Saturday, and the wind was absolutely freezing. There was no rain cover on the buggy either.

I was in the high street for a few hours and saw the family four or five times, and the child had no shoes/socks every time I saw them.

Would you have judged? Should I have said something? Or was I right to mind my own business? I just keep thinking about her poor little feet. They were bright red and clearly freezing. It's really playing on my mind.

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/02/2016 21:54

Maybe the kid won't tolerate anything on their feet. They were in a buggy, not walking. Worry about something else.

Original poster
flanjabelle · 15/02/2016 21:55

The irony of this is that I posted a while back about being judged for my dd not having gloves on. And now I'm the one with the judgy pants. It really upset me to be confronted by someone about it, but I had a really strong emotional reaction to seeing this little tot with no shoes or socks on. Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
flanjabelle · 15/02/2016 21:56

Completely prepared to be told iabu and to mind my own. Just wish it wasn't playing on my mind really.

OP posts:
AJ279 · 15/02/2016 21:59

I think it's reasonable you kept your opinion to yourself, but I agree that I would think the same in that situation. My DD has a habit of kicking her socks off and although she needs them on in the cold I'd be mortified and a bit pissed off if someone came and pointed it out. I don't like being told I'm not right

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2016 21:59

Just been reading this thread...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/2572010-Got-judged-in-public-today-Not-a-big-deal-but

It seems to be almost the exact situation but with a mum not a dad.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 15/02/2016 21:59

I wouldn't judge. I'm too busy being paranoid that other people are judging me for my own dd refusing to wear appropriate clothing.

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2016 22:00

Posted too soon. I think you're being unreasonable in judging, but I can see why you were worried. Some kids just won't keep socks on!

Original poster
flanjabelle · 15/02/2016 22:01

Purple it was that thread that prompted me to post. It's been playing on my mind and I wondered if people would have felt the same way as me.

OP posts:
KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 15/02/2016 22:01

My daughter would never keep
Socks and shoes on as a baby. Her feet once went purple in the snow. People judged me, my mother in law was HORRIBLE to me about it. But I could not get her to keep socks and shoes on.

coffeeisnectar · 15/02/2016 22:04

My oldest always took her foot wear off. I had to put tights on in the end as she couldn't pull them off but I got fed up losing shoes and just ended up putting them in the bag once she started pulling at them. And hats. And bloody gloves. AND we lived in fecking Scotland. I must have looked like a bad mum!

SalemSaberhagen · 15/02/2016 22:07

DD refuses socks, gloves and hats. I put her in tights if we go out, otherwise she would be pulling them off every 10 seconds.

Roll on summer!

pickmeupputmedown · 15/02/2016 22:08

Coffeeisnectar My DD was exactly the same so if I see other children with 'lack of appropriate clothing' I just feel sympathy as there are a lot of judgy pants people out there ... my MIL included!

ZiggyFartdust · 15/02/2016 22:09

No, and no.

ghostyslovesheep · 15/02/2016 22:10

no no no - he'd probably wrestled the child back into it's shoes 76876896 times that past hour and gave up - unless the child showed signs of frost bite I'd have smiled in sympathy!

PagesOfABook · 15/02/2016 22:13

When DS was 1 he would constantly kick of any socks or shoes and any blankets no matter what I tried to do to keep them on. I tried laced shoes - anything / he was determined to have bare feet.

He'd stick his feet out of the foot muff on the buggy

I bought them little things for keeping socks on in mothercare - he kicked them straight off.

I remember walking through town in winter and this women walking towards me looked at his feet - tutted and rolled her eyes - I wish I'd said something to her - I was so annoyed at her assuming I was a bad parent!

LogicalThinking · 15/02/2016 22:14

I wouldn't judge because I've been there, and there was no way in the world I would have been able to get my son into suitable clothing.
I would empathise.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/02/2016 22:15

The child could have taken their shoes and socks off. My sister did. My mum suddenly looked down and there was my sister sitting in the pram, shoeless and sockless.Grin

allsunshineandroses · 15/02/2016 22:17

This infuriates my mother. To see a small child cold, forced to sit still in a buggy while the parents are all wrapped up makes her blood boil. To my knowledge she has never yet confronted anyone, although, knowing my mother I'm sure it's only a matter of time. I personally think it's only natural to have an opinion, and whilst I may be internally tutting I wouldn't have said anything.

BrokenVag · 15/02/2016 22:18

There's a parent at DC's school that never ever wears shoes or socks. Walks in snow, ice, rain etc completely barefoot. Thinks shoes and socks are the root of all that's wrong with the human race. Some of it there's some basis for - good for circulation etc. I can't bear wearing socks myself.

hefzi · 15/02/2016 22:18

You weren't in the NW, were you? I had a conversation with a very harassed father, whose toddler son was gleefully launching his socks and shoes across Costa - poor man was beside himself: I advised cutting his losses and pocketing them when the little boy began to get chilly! Plenty of smaller children routinely remove their shoes and socks, even when it's parky outside - I would neither have judged nor said anything in this instance (only spoke to father as he spoke to me) - and I am really judgmental Grin

hefzi · 15/02/2016 22:19

Oops - missed out a bit there: I most certainly didn't recommend the father pocketing the shoes when the child was cold, but until the child was cold Blush Why is there no edit function?!

hefzi · 15/02/2016 22:21

BrokenVag many years ago when I was a student, there was a lecturer who did the same - even in the snow and frost. I thought it weird, but it seemed to give him a cachet with the female students in his department Confused - he married at least three of them Wink

CakeNinja · 15/02/2016 22:23

I'd probably make a judgement that the kid obviously wouldn't keep anything on their feet - it's the most logical suggestion when the parents had taken the trouble to put a coat and sensible clothes on the kid.

So I would have judged 'blimey that kid must have cold feet, silly thing probably won't keep shoes and socks on." And continued with my day. Everyone judges, it's not necessarily a negative thing.

MrsTedMosby · 15/02/2016 22:25

I've been there with my youngest.

And the rain cover. How he hated the rain cover, he would scream all the time it was over him. He would also scream if wind or rain got in his face. HmmConfused I had great fun with him in our lovely British weather!

CMOTDibbler · 15/02/2016 22:25

My ds was a sock/shoe/mitten/hat remover. At 9, he spends the year in shorts, and needs at least 2 layers less than I do. So I never judge.