Would you have judged? Would you have said something?

[flanjabelle]

I was in my local high street on Saturday and saw what looked like a man and his two children and either his mother or mil. The younger child was I think younger than two, and in a buggy.

The child had a coat and appropriate clothing on, but no shoes or socks. It was 3 degrees and raining here on Saturday, and the wind was absolutely freezing. There was no rain cover on the buggy either.

I was in the high street for a few hours and saw the family four or five times, and the child had no shoes/socks every time I saw them.

Would you have judged? Should I have said something? Or was I right to mind my own business? I just keep thinking about her poor little feet. They were bright red and clearly freezing. It's really playing on my mind.

I put tights on DS under his trousers otherwise he manages to get everything off his feet.

Once I was walking back in the driving rain with him in his buggy with the rain cover on. A couple of people I passed sort of laughed but I didn't think anything of it really. When I got home I found he'd taken off his socks shoes and trousers and had his little naked feet pressed up against the cover at about his head level so you could see his nappy, back of his bare legs and his feet but nothing else. I can't wait till he's old enough so I can embarrass him back!

Hmm, interesting question.

Of course the child should have had shoes on.

DS is two and refuses to wear gloves. Like, flat out refuses, unless it's exceptionally cold. A lot of the time we are outside and I see people looking at his hands but what can I do? I've tried coercing him etc but he just screams.

Not sure about the feet though, as a PP said tights are a good plan in that case.

Surely when you see someone once, you have no idea of any backstory or how regular that occurrence is?

The child could have sensory issues. Or just the most epic tantrum over shoes and sock - they could have had them replaced and then pulled them off between every time you saw them.

Ditto when you see kids eating or drinking crap, or older kids in a pushchair. No one is an amazing parent or has planned for every eventuality all the time, so sometimes it's a sausage roll or a Fruit Shoot or a 4yo in a pushchair.

I did get a few looks the other day when I had my 4yo in a pushchair in town. She had a nasty virus, and we needed to nip to the shops. I'm sure plenty of people thought I looked like the world's laziest parent!

Of course the child should have had shoes on.
No "of course" about it. Why does a child need shoes on while they're strapped into a buggy?

I would have judged the no socks, well kind of. My thought would have probably been 'oh her poor feet must have been freezing' and/or 'they should put some socks on her.' But I have seen people do this a lot.

I wouldn't have said anything and tbh I don't see what's wrong with having a thought in your own head that you keep to yourself. As long as you aren't glaring at them or tutting, I really don't see a problem with judging in your head.

I would've judged. But I have the opposite problem in that I can't seem to get my daughter to take her shoes off. She even sleeps in her wellies.

given both my Dds had to have their gloves tied on with elastic bands, would take their coats and jumpers off at every available opprtunity and id find days worth of shoes or socks in the cosy toes I'd have neither judged or say anything.

Dd kicked off four blankets I'd carefully amd lovingly arranged to keep her legs warm in the buggy. they landed in a buggy.

between them they also kicked through and ripped three rain covers.

I have about a dozen sets if hats and gloves etc yet not one complete pair or set.

sone kids just don't wear them

landed in a buggy?

a PUDDLE!!

a buggy?

a PUDDLE

My dc have never played ball in weather and also threw socks and shoes off. my two are also very hot dc, ie get hot very quikly, older one now - 8 will not wear a vest and refuses even her school coat, its embarrassing walking thru playground when its like a gale and she has her coat in her bag. I tell her to put it on and she point blank refuses and she does feel warm, she is a mover.

in rain, rain cover on, she would stick up head up out of the hole and younger will not tolerate rain cover in any shape or form. both of them LOVE the rain.

I guess op it depends did the dc look cold, shivering, chattering, red raw feet etc?

its hard!

Dd kicked off four blankets I'd carefully amd lovingly arranged to keep her legs warm in the buggy. they landed in a buggy

Yep, that was me too Giles, l loved making my two cosy, they didn't.

I have given up now.

Ds will keep his socks on but even at 9 constantly manages to get his shoes off when he is in his sn buggy, even lace up boots which he can't undo.

worse thing is she was screaming on the bus as she was cold.

hat on and jumper and coat hood over top to try and keep on- she had pawed at amd dislodged hat.

gloves literally gaffer taped on unimpressed

blankets kicked into nearest puddle

and shed rub her feet together til socks came off.

as fir dd1 well I knew shed be trouble when at less than two hours old while midwife was putting scratch mit number two on dd was removing mit number 1 with her mouth. she was a pain in the arse from. birth

I get more concerned when I think a child or baby looks way too hot, and is clearly distressed and in a shop that's heated and they have got a ski suit thing and blankets and hats on, they can't do anything but suffer.

It is hard to know as a parent, how much clothing is right, but when the infant is crying, that might be a guide.

I remember in my early 20s top and tailing with a male friend. I use my (bare) feet to regulate my temperature at night - too hot and I have horrendous nightmares.

Woke the following morning after really awful dreams. Mentioned it over breakfast, and how weird it was because I'd usually stick my feet out of the duvet if i was too hot.

Friend blushed and said that I had, but he didn't want me getting cold feet so put the duvet back over them. Again and again. In the end he tucked my feet in and lay over them to stop me sticking them out.

I don't get involved in anyone's footwear after that!

Yes, I would have judged.

But say something...like what? Your child has no shoes or socks on? Presumably he knew that, so what good would it have done?

I totally agree with Nanny0gg and AmyAmoeba

That's what being a parent is, ensuring the kids are safe, healthy and not freezing, or burning in the sun. It's hard work, but who is in charge?

DS2 will not keep his flipping socks and shoes on. He's a bit better now than he used to be but last winter was awful. We'd be happily tootling along and a shoe would be flung from the seat area of the buggy swiftly followed by the sock swiftly followed by the other shoe and sock. Then he'd roll his pants legs up to his knees.

He hates blankets, they get flung over the side and always land in a puddle. It's like the rule about toast landing butter side down. A thrown blanket will always land in a puddle.

I bought a cosy toes and he reacted like I'd coated his buggy in shit - arched back, high pitched shrieking, pinching me when I was fastening him in. Then once he was in he contorted himself until he managed to pop his legs over the top of the cosy toes and the bumper bar, he was sitting practically folded in half in order to maintain this position. Then the little swine chucked off his socks and shoes and rolled his pants legs up....

This winter it's all about the hats, gloves and coats. He's worked out how to unzip his coat so as soon as the buggy starts moving, down comes the zip. If I stop the buggy he quickly zips it back up. As soon as we start moving down it comes again. And repeat. This is always accompanied by evil giggles. He absolutely refused to wear a hat and gloves . His hands can be red raw and ice cold and he will still take off his gloves. I tried to outfox him by getting the tie on kind. He can untie them. I let him choose his own hat and gloves. He picked bright pink Frozen ones. He won't wear them, he just carries them in the buggy seat with him.

He hates the raincover too. He's ripped at least three and this new one has holes in it where he's pulled at it to try and remove it. A few weeks ago it was lashing it down with rain, blowing a gale and freezing cold. For the entire walk to and from school (just over a mile and a half) he sat slanted in the seat with his head hanging out the side of the raincover, shrieking because he wanted it taken off. On the way home from school he fell asleep, hair soaked and cheeks bright red from the cold, every time I tried to tuck his head back in so it could be as warm and dry as the rest of his body he'd wake up and start crying again.

I wouldn't have judged the family the OP saw, I'd have sympathised!

ha ha ha yes all the cosy toes does is hide the mischief. all fine you would think, til up come the now bare feet and trousers half way up the leg resting on the bumper

Those of you with cats bum mouths over this - what terrible fate do you think is going to befall a child with no socks on in the UK winter?

I had one of these and cannot remember the amount of times I was stopped by old biddies to tell me his feet were cold. He's now grown up into a child who heads off for school in a snowstorm in shorts, polo shirt and his winter jacket dangling somewhere around his elbows. I've given up worrying- he genuinely just had a different thermostat to me- but still half expect the social services visit one day.

That's what being a parent is, ensuring the kids are safe, healthy and not freezing, or burning in the sun. It's hard work, but who is in charge?

I'd much rather choose my battles and save the fights for the things that really matter. Having to stop every five seconds to replace footwear/gloves/blankets that will be discarded again five seconds later is an exercise in futility. Frustrating for me, frustrating for them and utterly pointless.

DS2 is also a fan of the 'strip down and press my feet against the raincover' pose.

And this is his preferred way of sitting in the buggy.

my daughter is the only one who would wear her shoes middle one wore them until he got bored youngest its the first to go in a tantrum is shoes i pretty much accept that because i can get them on when he calms down i do fight with him over the socks though a grandad got involved the other day tried to distract him while i socked him up

he never wears gloves the one time he did he howled the entire time holding his hands out like they were injured or something everyone was looking and i finally said we are trying out gloves today its not going well most the shop laughed the general consensus was he likes cold hands and i took them off (he gave me a high five)