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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you have judged? Would you have said something?

100 replies

flanjabelle · 15/02/2016 21:52

I was in my local high street on Saturday and saw what looked like a man and his two children and either his mother or mil. The younger child was I think younger than two, and in a buggy.

The child had a coat and appropriate clothing on, but no shoes or socks. It was 3 degrees and raining here on Saturday, and the wind was absolutely freezing. There was no rain cover on the buggy either.

I was in the high street for a few hours and saw the family four or five times, and the child had no shoes/socks every time I saw them.

Would you have judged? Should I have said something? Or was I right to mind my own business? I just keep thinking about her poor little feet. They were bright red and clearly freezing. It's really playing on my mind.

OP posts:

Kayakinggirl86 · 15/02/2016 22:27

Every photo of me as a child (from sitting in the snow to beach holiday) I dont have socks on!

Whatamuckingfuddle · 15/02/2016 22:27

I would've judged. Before I had DD2. Who has a long list of clothes she won't wear, including - coats, trousers, socks, tights, shoes, boots, slippers, hats, gloves, scarfs, vests etc. I often carry armfuls of what she should be wearing to show I care to others. I still get dirty looks and rude comments.

CooPie10 · 15/02/2016 22:27

No, best to keep it to yourself. Not your place at all.

SocksRock · 15/02/2016 22:27

I used to have to put my son in tights to get his feet to stay warm. Got judged the fuck out of me for that one as well, as they were hand downs from his big sister and generally pink and flowery.

AdriftOnMemoryBliss · 15/02/2016 22:35

ds hated shoes and socks (since dx'd with asd) i used to insist on him staying inside the cosy toes and put his shoes under the buggy to put on him if he had to walk!

i wouldn't have left his feet open to the rain/wind this time of year.

Needtobebetter · 15/02/2016 22:37

I used to judge, then I had DS1 and now I get it. I'm lucky if I can get him to wear clothes, never mind socks. He hated the rain cover and would rip it off and I've lost count of the amount of shoes and socks he's managed to lose. I doubt many parents would decide not to cover their child's feet on a cold day.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 15/02/2016 22:51

I think a lot of people who haven't had a footwear refuser would judge. DD used to hate shoes and socks until a few months ago. Nobody ever said anything to me. Good job really...I wouldn't have reacted pleasantly

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 15/02/2016 22:54

My youngest spent most of his time prewalking removing socks and the little soft shoes I bought in a vain attempt to keep the socks on. I had countless old ladies tutting at me and making barbed comments like "oh did mummy forget your socks?" No, Mummy has replaced the socks 4763 times so far in the 10 minutes since we left the house and is losing the will to live.

At nearly 9, he still wears as few clothes as possible - shorts about 11 months of the year, no school jumper all last week, refuses to fasten his coat etc. He never seems cold.

Best to mind your own business I reckon OP.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 15/02/2016 22:56

DD2 was like this, and at 13, only wears socks/footwear at school and pulls them off as soon as she gets home. I guess some people just hate socks!

LightDrizzle · 15/02/2016 22:59

My 24 year old was another baby with an aversion to socks and shoes, before she had the motor skills to remove them with her hands, she'd frantically rub her heels together to get them off. I've been that man.

Now, of course, she is addicted to the most uncomfortable and expensive footwear known to man.

ElderlyKoreanLady · 15/02/2016 23:00

I still hate socks. Horrible things.

zoemaguire · 15/02/2016 23:09

My 5yo will walk home from school in 5 degrees wearing a thin top, no jumper and no coat. I bet people judge! Occasionally I'll force the issue, but he just doesn't seem to feel the cold. I'd have judged too - before I had kids...

SaucyJack · 15/02/2016 23:10

I artfully display shoes/socks/blankets over the hood of the buggy in case of any passing tutters.

Although, I generally have the opposite problem with DD3 in that she'll happily wear shoes- but is less keen on nappy and trousers.

Witchend · 15/02/2016 23:14

Dd2 is 12yo and still removes her shoes and socks as soon as it is appropriate. At that,age the only use for shoes was to chew and she didn't mind wearing socks on her little arm as long as she'd put it on herself. If I put it on it was worthy of a long strop.

ouryve · 15/02/2016 23:17

Best part of a decade ago, I'd have wondered if you'd seen me.

DS2 wouldn't even keep his feet inside babygros. Even as a newborn, he lost his hospital tag several times.

WitchWay · 15/02/2016 23:17

My DS used to rip off any footwear at that age & sit in freezing weather with his warm pink toes wiggling about. Nosy old ladies used to comment to me about his bare feet & ask me where his shoes & socks were. They were in the changing bag.

ouryve · 15/02/2016 23:19

He's rarely barefoot, now, bu refuses point blank to wear a coat and wll only wear jammie bottoms, without a top, at bedtime, even when it's absolutely freezing.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 15/02/2016 23:28

Has everyone discovered sock-ones. Best invention ever! They could / would still take their socks off but it would take them ages.

Nanny0gg · 15/02/2016 23:30

One of my DGC was a hat/glove refuser. Except with me because I was prepared to battle it out till they were kept on.
However, one of my DC was the same and I won that battle too.

As for socks and shoes - you can get foot muffs for buggies that they can't get their feet and legs out of so keeps them cosy (I've even managed arms tucked in them too).

I cannot bear to see small children/toddlers underdressed in the cold. However I wouldn't go up and say anything.

zoemaguire · 16/02/2016 07:32

Haha, you haven't seen my toddler then nanny, she is like a Houdini with her foot muff. I can zip it almost to her ears and she'll still have her legs out within 30 seconds. If I win, it's only because she decides to let me that day!

Original poster

flanjabelle · 16/02/2016 07:38

Sorry I fell asleep. I'm glad I didn't say anything now. Thanks for the replies, it gives the other side of the story. I will keep my trap shut!

OP posts:

differentnameforthis · 16/02/2016 11:17

No and no. The child had appropriate clothing on otherwise & probably took her socks and shoes off...parents were probably fed up of the routine of putting them on, only for her to take them off.

My daughter hated socks & shoes. She still goes out in bare feet if the mood takes her.

Greydog · 16/02/2016 11:30

I think, in fairness, people are concerned for the child, rather than judgy?

Nanny0gg · 16/02/2016 12:29

I think, in fairness, people are concerned for the child, rather than judgy?

This is true. After all, most adults aren't in bare legs and bare feet when the temperature dips below 10 degrees.

I hate seeing adults all bundled up against the cold when their DCs aren't. And a 2/3 year-old is not able in my view, to decide that they 'don't feel the cold' or need to be kept warm.
The fight is tedious, but so are many others you have to have with your children.

AmyAmoeba · 16/02/2016 12:41

I don't think I'd have said anything either but I think that's absolutely unacceptable. My DS was a divil for stripping off his socks too so I took a leaf out of my Swiss friend's book and dressed him in tights. The amount of stick I got for putting a BOY in TIGHTS was unreal, apparently only baby girls are entitled to warm toes.
I totally understand that kids don't cooperate but isn't that what they have parents for?

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