Would you have judged? Would you have said something?

[flanjabelle]

I was in my local high street on Saturday and saw what looked like a man and his two children and either his mother or mil. The younger child was I think younger than two, and in a buggy.

The child had a coat and appropriate clothing on, but no shoes or socks. It was 3 degrees and raining here on Saturday, and the wind was absolutely freezing. There was no rain cover on the buggy either.

I was in the high street for a few hours and saw the family four or five times, and the child had no shoes/socks every time I saw them.

Would you have judged? Should I have said something? Or was I right to mind my own business? I just keep thinking about her poor little feet. They were bright red and clearly freezing. It's really playing on my mind.

Do your sock refusers also refuse blankets at night? From 8 months till gone 3 years DS1 refused pj bottoms and duvet cover...even in winter. It felt so wrong not to be able to lovingly tuck him in.

Now aged 4 he accepts pj bottoms but still no covers.

I remember being a first time mum, mid twenties, took DD1 out and it started to rain. She was just over one, and I had bought her some cheap wellies. Halfway down the street she had lost one, after a couple of attempts I realised it was not going to work so gave up and was going back to the car. Going along I overheard the loud "whisper" of, "did you see that child with no shoes on" from a couple. I felt so upset and ashamed and cried all the way back to the car feeling stupid.

OP - if you really felt something needed to be said, the only way I would have said anything would have been something along the lines of, "you've got one like mine I guess, won't keep their shoes on" in a really friendly way.

Oh dd 1 has a habit of wrapping herself in her duvet until she gets too hot. but is very funny about her pyjamas and pants.

dd2 as a baby hated those supermarket fro bags. we had to invest in actual go bags as blankets would be kicked off amd the extra length of the branded fro nags meant we could fold the end under the mattress to keep her from moving around too much.

both fought against swaddling until blue in the face. squirm squirm squirm until hands were free.

Gro bags.

Ffs auto correct

I've seen a child like this recently. I did judge a but and after reading this thread I am ashamed.

My 8 year old still refuses to wear a coat in all but the most extreme conditions. I've had to contend with some right stink-eyes from strangers over the years in shopping malls and the like. If we're going on a walk outside for more than ten minutes I will stand my ground until she puts a coat on (this can take a while) but if she's going to be walking from house to car to shop then I tend to think she can bear the consequences of her outerwear-shunning.

Frankly I'm impressed at anyone whose child will stay in a buggy.

I have a large collection of old buggies. My child now refuses to sit in any of them

I had it all planned out. Spreadsheets. The lot.

DS screams blue murder if we put a duvet on him. I bought him a lovely toddler bedding set that is sitting unused and unloved because he hates it.

I will often find my daughter's abandoned socks on our local streets. She is a nightmare in the cold. Cries if I put a blanket on her, socks and shoes are the enemy. She's 17 months.

I have a trousers refuser. Since starting school (where he does accept that all boys wear trousers, but summer uniform could be an interesting development...) he hasn't worn full trousers for casual wear. He's grown out of the older ones since then, and the couple of pairs of replacements haven't been touched.

He's just hot blooded. I have extra warm supplies when we head out on cool days, but it takes a long time for him to feel cold. Today was cold enough for him to consent to leg warmers, but it was still a shorts day.

I think the last time he voluntarily wore long trousers was a particularly warm day last summer when he decided to swelter in trousers and a thick jumper.

After years of attempting to challenge his state of dress, as long as I have weather appropriate back-up, I leave him to it.

I had a sock refuser. I had to put him in tights in the end. Plenty of old ladies people asked me if I knew he had cold feet! .

I tried zipping him in cozy-toes and he'd be out in seconds. He didn't have an issue with hats, gloves and coats though!

Mine has tights because she kicks off shoes and then pulls her socks off. We've already had to do the walking-back-the-way-we-came dance searching for a shoe which I didn't see go overboard.

Gloves I cannot get her to keep on. She has one pair dangling from a cord inside her coat, and four of the bloody things inside her cosy-toes where I've stuffed them when she's pulled them off. It didn't stop some nosy old harridan from coming over the other day and using a stupid high-pitched coochy-coo voice to say "Oooh, doesn't mummy put GWUVS on you then? Your handies will get cold!" She nearly got a mitten up the nose.

This exact thing happened to me last week. It wasn't raining but had been. In the maybe 10 minute walk from playgroup to the car, I stopped to put my 18-mo DS's socks back on 7 times. Seven. On the eighth occasion he pulled both off at once and threw one onto the wet ground.
He doesn't wear shoes. He can't walk yet.
He throws a lot of stuff, he's a toddler. Said sock got wet. I was seconds from the car, so I thought "sod it, I'll put the other one, back on when he gets in." Annoyingly, he was in a cheap, chuck in the car runaround buggy, not his ridiculously cosy Arctic sleeping bag on wheels I use most of the time so had only a blanket, no cosy toes..
As I turned the corner to where the car was, some woman said VERY loudly to the man she was with "That kid's probably freezing with no shoes and socks on, stupid cow."

I was too shocked to say anything - and yes, it did make me feel like a shit parent for a bit. But then I was angry at a stranger being so totally judgy.
Fair enough, she had a point, his feet might have been cold.
But to say it out loud and not even to me directly is just rude, in my opinion. It was a minor thing that made me question myself for the rest of the day. That's not a nice thing to do.

DD used to pull her shoes and socks off almost every time I took her out in the pram.
Now she's 5, she still takes off her footwear as soon as she can. The past few nights/mornings, she's been wandering around indoors in just a vest. Says she's not cold. Thankfully now, she will dress more appropriately for going out.

I remember DS crying once as I walked down a west London street. I stopped to look around for somewhere to feed him only to have a women aggressively tell me my baby was hungry and to feed him. He'd been crying for all of about thirty seconds. I was very upset at the time, new mum and I was breastfeeding on demand but not confident about doing it in public so already feeling quite desperate about finding somewhere to do it. I always wonder if she was a MNetter because a few years later I read a thread where the general consensus was it was fine to suggest a parent feed their baby if he/she was crying

I try not to judge parent stuff tbh though often fail so probably wouldn't have said anything about this OP

My 4 year old was in shorts and t-shirt playing outside yesterday. He doesn't seem to feel the cold, but neither does my Dh who will wear a t-shirt in most weathers. Ds also spends the whole time running around too probably helps.

I do insist on long trousers and layers for preschool though as I'm sure someone would be silently judging me.

My son would always take shoes and socks off in the buggy but I remedied that with a blanket or foot muff.

My son has a vomiting bout in the middle of town once, luckily it was summer but I had to strip him off so he wasn't lying in his own vomit in the buggy all the way home, the looks I got pushing a baby home for about 5 mins in just a nappy, you would think I was Adolf hitler

I have a hat and glove refuser 17 month old. She will keep them on if it's really cold but they come off the instant we come in a door, shop or home! Hoods are pulled off as well took a bit longer to work those out though.

Socks used to be the same but seems to like wearing shoes currently (takes after me!) but currently obsessed with trying to put socks on so takes them off to do so!

I used to dread going out expecting to be judged but she is well wrapped up except gloves and hat sometimes always start off with them but they don't stay.

I hate gloves and hats as well as I get too hot so don't fight it knowing she will keep them on when she wants to!

My son hated shoes and socks- always took them off until he realised he couldn't splash in puddles without shoes. If someone had stupidly judged me on that rather than make the sensible conclusion he'd taken them off himself the then I would not have reacted politely. He also absolutely hated the raincover so I didn't bother with that either very often (it is only rain after all). He was dressed warmly and in as many waterproof items as possible on rainy days.

I have to say I am always truly surprised people notice all of this stuff to judge in the first place!

I was the kid who wouldn't keep warm clothes on. I just got way too warm and as I am someone who appears to be unable to sweat very much I get incredibly uncomfortable if I get too warm.
My Mum used to really fight with me over it. I had athsma as a child and she thought that lots and lots of layers would keep my athsma at bay. I would then have to craftily dispose of as many of them as possible so I didn't spend all my time too hot.
My eldest child was quite compliant with socks and shoes and gloves until 3. I have memories of dragging him to preschool in the freezing cold wearing nothing but a t-shirt and open thin zippy top as he just would NOT accept he needed more. Then we'd get to preschool, be waiting to go in and I'd get: -
"I'm cold Mummy. I'm REALLY cold Mummy." Aaaagh!
My youngest likes to sit in his buggy like the pictures posted upthread. They did make me laugh! He will now keep shoes on, but will remove socks, gloves and hats. I have been told off. Mostly I ignore them. I suspect he's a lot like me.

Also, as an aside, why is it ok to say to people "Ooo put a coat on you're making me feel cold!" but if you respond "Take your coat off, you're making me feel too warm." you are considered rude?