...to hate the way that people talk about "passing"

[Squeegle]

It just seems so weird and, dare I say it, fake touchy feely. People now don't seem to say died, they refer to passing. As in, "My grandmother passed last year", or they have both passed now. Why can't people just say she died. I find it very odd, and don't understand when it all started. People would occasionally use "passed away", when I was growing up as a bit of a euphemism - but now it feels as if people are scared to say the word die. AIBU?

Tapirbackrider there is a difference between a doctor informing a parent that their child has died, and a friend informing a friend of a strangers death.

there is no one correct way of saying it, context matters.

'Passing' originally comes from the Spiritualist movement, who say that people have passed over to the other side.

My point exactly Titclash.

People who dissect others language and choice of words around death are quite frankly wrong, and do far more harm than good.

Discussion matters

blog post here

A culture of openness will benefit us all ultimately, as each of us will face our own end of life experience one day.

I hate it too. YANBU.

I now associated the word 'died' with an object, rather than someones death.

In the term 'oh my phone battery has died'.

I prefer passed away. Seems a lot gentler. I deal with a lot of widows/widowers in my job, and passed away is used a lot. 'My husband passed away 2 months ago', I hear a lot.

But then I have been told that I am 'selfish not to have a grave for her [dd]' by a work colleague who has no connection to my dd at all.
Oh my God Mrs DV What an arsehole that person is.

I can't be arsed to RTFT but YES - a person died, they are DEAD, they didn't 'pass' or 'pass away'. THEY ARE DEAD - THEY DIED.

It's s ridiculous euphemism.

They DIED.

YOU will DIE.

And any silly language that dances around that is just nonsense TBH.

And I've had six miscarriages - they DIED.

And someone telling me they 'PASSED' gave me rage, it fucked me off - it softened something that was HARD.

It dances around the truth, you can't dress the truth up with fancy words - the truth is what it is.

No point pretending.

This thread has made me cry. All the pain so many posters are suffering.
I say die or died but who fucking cares what people say. It's up to them.
A phrase which has always been of great comfort to me though was written on a sympathy card after my brother died. The person said he was sorry to hear about...'Tom's untimely passing'. It was a kind and gentle way to express his sorrow about a tragedy.

I suggest that you read the whole thread ISeem.

I suggest I don't Min, I don't play that game. I HATE the phrase, reading seven pages of why bereaved people find it acceptable will not change my mind.

I'm not going to denigrate anyone for using it but I'm not going to adopt it for for mine or anyone else's comfort.

People DIE.

They die, that's what they do. Ultimately that's what we ALL do.

It's better than "sleeping" or "born sleeping".

I had a stillbirth and get cross at any reference to sleeping rather than death as I worried my other children would then be scared to go to sleep!

I always refer to my son that was stillborn has having died or being stillborn. I was also told at the hospital that he had died. With others I take my cue from the language they are using.

ISeem. You don't have to adopt it for yourself. But you have denigrated others for using it. Perhaps had you read the full thread you would understand why some bereaved people use other words to dead/died.

I am very aware that my son died. I know that because I was there with him when he died/passed over/was lost to me. We broke the news to others that he 'had sailed away in his final journey.' You may belittle that but when announcing the death of my 18 year old son I we chose to do it in a way that was best for us, his parents.

I too have suffered multiple miscarriages and the stillbitrth of twin daughters. They too died. But I use, for my daughters, that they were born sleeping. For me that is how I can process it. You want to use died, that's fine. But please respect my use for 'silly language that dances around it'.

I prefer to not use euphemism to describe something and say what it is, including using the words died / dead. Being practical and a bit blunt really helps me. I don't like being pandered to, which is how it feels to me personally.

However it's obvious, in real life and on this thread, that there are a myriad of reasons why other people feel differently and while I wouldn't choose the alternative phrases to refer to someone who had died and was part of my life, I would respect other people's decision to do so in would even use the words they had chosen to refer to their loved one who had died.

Grief and bereavement are so personal and different for everyone. I may not like the phrases but who am I to judge.

Min I'm not suggesting I or anyone else does, ultimately, it's just semantics, it doesn't matter, it's just words, it doesn't change the outcome, I don't belittle that in any way, I don't.

I'm not suggesting the bereaved should use any language other than what they choose.

I think there is a huge comfort in knowing we all die whenever that happens, we'll meet them all in death. We all have that in common.

And that may be wonderful, who knows?

Words are what we use to meet the world though, they're how we parley with life, I would never presume to tell you how to grieve, the OP talked about the mealy-mouthed use of the word 'passing', and I agree, we use too many words to avoid the words we want to say.

Someone didn't pass. They died.

It doesn't change the outcome. But it does help the here and now, dealing wth bereavement. The whole point is that it is a choice. Some are able to use dead/died, others choose different words.

Live and let live. Die and let pass away.

YABU

When my dh died almost 5yrs ago - and note I said died not passed away but at the time I think I used passed away when speaking to some people

Mark died. Mark passed away. Mark lost his battle with depression and committed suicide

Only to be told I shouldn't say committed as means he did something wrong

Till you lose someone - and there's the lost part - you don't know how you will react

Does it matter how people describe death?

Everyone is different and they find words that make them feel Better or cope with what happened

I think this is a discussion worth having. My mother's nurse phoned to tell me she had "passed". It was my job to tell the family and I said died. My sister put a message on facebook announcing our mother's "passing" which to me was really odd but she watches a lot of American TV. So the preferences vary within families.

I think the problem with this thread is that there is a distinction between how bereaved people want to refer to death, and how it should be referred to in general conversation. For the former, obviously they must use whatever term they like. For me, when my father died, he died. He was a plain-speaking man, and he would have utterly hated it if we'd said he'd, passed, or gone, or gone to sleep or whatever. But each to his own, and I wasn't going to shout at people at his funeral who referred to him as having passed away (though he may well have come back to haunt them).

However, I do think that in general conversation there is no need for euphemisms and they should be avoided, not least because they cause ambiguity. I do also feel that things like "passed on" suggest moving elsewhere or to another life, which simply does not happen.

I really think it is a great pity that some people are taking this thread as an attack on the bereaved, because it isn't; and it's an entirely legitimate discussion which absolutely shouldn't be suppressed.

I've found the euphemisms for death quite difficult lately as my dd has been having suicidal thoughts.

She has autism so she takes things quite literally. She has heard people say "they've gone to a better place" and "passed to the other side." She is quite convinced that if she dies she will still be her but happy!

It is further complicated as her dad died when she was 10 and I encouraged her to believe he was still out there somewhere watching over her. It seemed to be what she needed to hear at the time.

My friend recently lost her sister (I can't say died yet!) She has very strong beliefs that her sister has passed to another place and doesn't refer to her death. I am trying hard to not have dd around when we talk.

I think my friend feels I'm not respecting my dd's "beliefs" as I've explained in cold, hard terms what I believe death is. I think she understands but it means I've had to say, in effect, that everyone who has positive beliefs about death is lying!