To ask guests to contribute to my wedding?

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Please give your honest thoughts on what you would think to receiving this in a wedding invitation.

Along with saying yes or no to coming, and whether you have any special dietary requirements, it has a bit saying that all drinks on the day/evening will be free, with a small contribution request, on the return of the invitation. Childrend drinks are free so no contribution required: non alcohol drinking adults £5, alcohol drinking adults £10.

Puzzled

I think that's how it works. My mum was a registrar and married couples on beaches or in their own garden. I imagine there are more restrictions if it's a religious service, though.

pigs yes we do. Already be discussed further up.

purple I thought I was purple because my posts are purple. I didn't read everyone's name so didn't realise that was your name.

I didn't know you couldn't get married at home! Not that we have the room to, but I thought you could if you had a big garden! Interesting to know.

No, sadly not ok. Either a cash bar or you need to cover drinks, asking for money as a host is not acceptable and some people will be offended. However asking for vouchers for somewhere like m ands or John Lewis /waitrose as wedding gifts is fine (with the explanation that you want to buy something large) then you can use these to buy groceries for the next few weeks which should cover the overspend on the do! Sneaky but no one will ever know, just be sure to have one new item you can point to if a guest should ask what you chose to buy !!!

Haha I just read the lowest of the low bit. I don't think our friends would think that tbh!

Are you talking about my suggestion phal? I don't understand what you mean? Have no bar at all and DO ask people for gifts?

I didn't know you couldn't get married at home!

Here you go: www.gov.uk/approval-of-premises-for-civil-marriage-or-civil-partnership

As Nucky mentioned it's clearly a bit different in Scotland, but in England and Wales one big issue is that the chosen premises must be "regularly available" for weddings. I can just about imagine relatives with a huge and lovely garden being prepared to register their place for a loved one, but they might not be quite so keen to host loads of others too!!

Actually this thread reminds me a bit of an invite we got last year to celebrate our friend's 10th wedding anniversary.

Luckily I was a bit vague about checking the dates as it turned out we were expected to pay for our own dinner. Now I don't mind paying for myself, but it was meant to be a surprise celebration for the DH and I felt it was a bit tacky that we'd be paying for our own meals for someone else's event IYSWIM. Far better to have friends round for dinner, or just have a drinks reception if that's all you can afford.

We even got a formal invite to the event - which again felt very wrong as how can you formally invite folks to something that they are going to pay for themselves.

In the end it was cancelled as they couldn't afford the opening round of drinks at the evening.

Hope she's not a mums netter as aside from that they're very nice.

Peoples ideas of what is acceptable / normal and what is t are different I guess. It's hard to get opinions from randoms, as they don't know you like your real friends do and vice versa!

It's not technically our wedding either that they are coming to, because it'll really be our 1 year wedding anniversary by that point! We haven't decided if we'll tell people that yet though or not. We have a registry office thing, just us, in a couple of weeks.

married at home sorry taking a typing short cut - I meant, the actual ceremony in a church or Registry Office, then the wedding breakfast (it's a big party really) at home.

It's not technically our wedding either that they are coming to, because it'll really be our 1 year wedding anniversary by that point! We haven't decided if we'll tell people that yet though or not. We have a registry office thing, just us, in a couple of weeks.

Ey?! Why are you having a "wedding" a year after getting married? That's a bit odd...

So all the friends and family will actually be paying for you to have just a party and aren't even going to see the actual wedding.

Either this is a total wind up or you are bonkers.

To celebrate it with family and friends. It's too short notice fr people to get here this year. It's like a vow renewal the wedding I guess it's called!

We will be doing a vow renewal ceremony so they will see that! There's no ceremony when we sign the papers this year. Just popping in and out.

Then you need to tell thm before hand.

I'd not be buying a new outfit, traveling, night out and parting with a gift for a fake weddinh where I wasn't deemed good enough to see the original.

Married at home is it jus the ceremony that can't be at home or the reception as well? We went to a reception in someone's back garden! But that was Alderney so I don't know if it's different laws?

So actually, you're just having big party?

you sound nice enough, but really. It's all a bit tacky and aspirational. You've got people flying in from all over, but no actual ceremony?

It's a big party. Get a keg, a couple of cases of wine, and some cider. That sounds about right.

Since you're not having a legally binding wedding you can have the ceremony wherever you want. Why are you getting married now and not next year?

Fucking hell RAB people are going to think this is even weirder now!

dontforget did you know your friend wasn't planning on actually getting married at her wedding or have you just found out now?

Of course you can have the wedding reception in your house or garden. Why ever not? You just have to have a house and/or garden big enough. I suppose that's your problem.

But you seen to want an event way beyond what you can actually afford, and way beyond your usual lifestyle. I think that's just tacky.

Haha I know. But that's fine, that's just the way we are doing it. We are doing it this way because ideally we'd have done the whole shebang in one go this year, but stuff is going on for us later in the year that means it's not possible. (Vague booking soz) But we don't want to wait till next year to be married now because we just don't! So the paperwork is now in a few weeks and the wedding celebration next year. We've done it all in traditionally up to this point so I doubt anyone that knows us will be suprised 😀😂

andfaraway and what exactly is my usual life style?

^ NOT done it all traditionally that should have said.

I think she knew? I dunno. Depends if she read my Facebook thread about it! 😂

Well, obviously one where you can't afford to host your wedding breakfast!