Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL highjacking mini break

314 replies

CowPatRoberts · 12/02/2016 16:14

Long post, buckle up.

Myself and DP have been saving up for a long weekend away in Scotland at the end of March, bit of context but we’ve both started new jobs in the last 6 months which have really reduced our time together so this was something we’ve been looking forward to.

DP had the great idea of booking an apartment that he and his family have visited on a number of occasions, he’s familiar with the owners and it really fits all our requirements. As his parents’ place is on the way he called them last week to let them know we’d be in the area and that we’d love to drop in. They chatted for a while, made plans- great!

Then Monday evening I received an email from DSIL asking if the pool(??) was going to be available because if so she’d need a new costume. I assumed it was a mistake- I was wrong.

Apparently DMIL had thought about mine and DP’s trip over the weekend and realised it would make a brilliant family getaway! She called her parents, her brother, DSIL and DBIL to make sure they and all their kids were free to come along. She then called us (apparently to tell us about the sudden influx of mad relatives) after she spoke to all of the family on Sunday, but we missed the call and when we tried to call back they’d gone to bed.

The next day she called the family who owns the apartment and asked to cancel the reservation for our 2 bed place we’d reserved, so they could instead rent out one of the larger properties on offer- a 6 bed house with an indoor pool. They’ve used this place in the past for family parties etc so the owners assumed everything was agreed with us and happily switched the reservation for them.

So the first I hear about it is when the owners of the property call me up to ask if I’d like a refund for the other property or whether I wanted it applying to the new booking. DP called his DM Wednesday evening and was told “If you’d answered the phone Sunday night we would have told you then but it’s too late to change now!”

He told her that this was supposed to be a romantic getaway and we’d be delighted to organise a trip away with everyone another time, and again she answered that we should have gotten back to her on Sunday as it’s all paid for now and everyone booked time off on Monday.

They’ve been going round and round with this since then. When he brought up she had not asked us before planning she claimed “I didn’t know I needed to ask, I thought you cared about family and would be HAPPY to spend time with us…other people would kill for an opportunity like this…Grandma is getting old and this may be our last chance etc”

We’ve talked about just giving in and planning another romantic getaway for another time but we also don’t want to send a message that this is acceptable behaviour. WIBU to tell her to stuff her family getaway and use the money to bugger off abroad?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 12/02/2016 19:59

Get the refund and book somewhere else.

But I'd make sure and tell the mil (though not where you're going) because if you just don't turn up and switch your phones off she'll then think you've had an accident and spend the entire weekend phoning hospitals. It's really not worth the hassle.

JolseBaby · 12/02/2016 20:13

Oh she's a cheeky mare isn't she!

Cancel and go somewhere else.

SisterMoonshine · 12/02/2016 20:20

When you say that his parents live on the way, are they very close to the apartment? I mean could there have been a misunderstanding in that she thought the trip was all about visiting them?
Otherwise, what a bloody nerve!
Manipulating everyone to get a result she's happy with.(my mum's a bit like this, will fib and use emotional blackmail).
I bet she let your phone ring...ooo...all of once then went to bed.
It'll be interesting to hear what the property owners have to say.

Quoteunquote · 12/02/2016 20:20

Never ever tell anyone where you are going if you want it to be just you, some people assume that opportunity is the only thing standing in the way of you spending time with them.

DollyTwat · 12/02/2016 20:44

Op sorry if you've already said, but who's having your dc that weekend?

WonderingAspie · 12/02/2016 20:57

Wow that is Shock!

I cannot belive the nerve and for her to be carrying on by saying granny is Bearley dead/children will be disappointed. Well that's her tough shit that she has disappointed them.

I'd also go as far away as possible, and not bother to tell them where, if at all!

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 12/02/2016 21:10

Oh God I don't even know how to express how much I would hate this.

I would go down the "keep it light" route. It's difficult to battle it.

You're ruining the weekend away!

"Don't be daft! We already had a romantic weekend planned, you cancelled our booking. Luckily we've got a new one" passive aggressive :)

The kids will be disappointed!

"The kids will be thrilled to get an impromptu holiday. How could they be disappointed with you there?" Passive aggressive :)

Grandma might die!

"Then it's probably best you don't excite her!" Passive aggressive :)

You've ruined everything!

"We were really looking forward to seeing you for a bit, it's a shame you now have plans and we won't get to!" Passive aggressive :)

But we want you to!

"That's a bit odd to want to muscle in on us, isn't it?" Passive aggressive :)

But we couldn't get hold of you!

"That's a shame. If you had we'd've told you to Bugger off!" Passive aggressive :)

It's all in the tone.

Deflect deflect deflect.

Smiley smiley smiley.

Mouthfulofquiz · 12/02/2016 21:18

I think chris has all options covered there! Grin
Love it!

lavenderhoney · 12/02/2016 21:30

She cancelled your holiday! And now has the nerve to say you're spoiling things!

I would heave a sigh and make the calls. I expect everyone invited has been told they are going by the matriarch. Are you allowed to call each other or does everything go through her? I would ignore her " oh but it's all ruined" and get your dh to call everyone she has invited and explain what she did. I expect they will be horrified and annoyed. How come everyone is free and does as she says?

Book elsewhere, turn the phones off and enjoy. Don't call her - even a call will give her power. My mil cancelled my honeymoon (!) dh was too terrified to tell me til after the wedding. We are divorced now.

JolseBaby · 12/02/2016 21:32

Everything that Fuckyouchris said - perhaps they could rearrange and come to fuckyou-fest? Grin

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 12/02/2016 21:32

Lavender Shock your honeymoon.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 12/02/2016 21:33

Jolse, :o only if you could guarantee no horses and no crazy MIL

OTheHugeManatee · 12/02/2016 21:42

Lavender Shock WHY did she feel entitled to cancel your honeymoon? Confused

OP glad to hear your DH is standing firm. Please keep us posted Grin

JolseBaby · 12/02/2016 21:44

Chris - not even if they stack?? Grin

Lavender - chuffing hell, missed your post. WTF? Your honeymoon???!!

RedLentil · 12/02/2016 21:58

Is Chris for hire next time my in-laws visit?

lavenderhoney · 12/02/2016 22:02

My mil cancelled my honeymoon because lots of family were there for the wedding and she felt we should be too. She didn't give a shit about either of us. She also organised a brides maid for my wedding which I only found out about on the day standing in front of the priest. I wanted to RUN.

I have to say a huge issue for me is a matriarch who organises gatherings and gets pissed off if you call each other and don't call her first to find out if bil could babysit etc. And everyone goes along with it and doesn't think it's weird you can't call anyone without letting her know.

In my experience, you and your dh should get your money back, make other arrangements and absolutely call individually each person going to explain. No doubt your mil won't like that or your dh won't have the details.

I can honestly say if someone said to me " ooh, Brian and Sharon are planning a romantic break, let's join them" I would say no fucking way, what?"

So- she a control freak. Better sort it out now tbh.

ShmooBooMoo · 12/02/2016 22:02

I'd get the refund, let them pay for the 6 bed place, go without you both and book elsewhere! Unbelievably presumptuous on your MIL's part! The guilt-tripping is uber manipulative. Don't fall into line with MIL's plans... She'll think she can do it again and again ad infinitum!

OhBigHairyBollocks · 12/02/2016 22:07

Just Shock
What is wrong with some people?!

cheapskatemum · 12/02/2016 22:10

Shock just Shock !

cheapskatemum · 12/02/2016 22:10

Cross post OhBigHairy!

lavenderhoney · 12/02/2016 22:12

fuckYou Chris, funnily enough a bit earlier I was thinking the op could say she'd planned going to the FYCF instead:) no horses:)

can I bring the puppy ex dh handed the DC ( FUCK!! are you kidding me) before fucking off back to abroad?

I can say that a family who bow to mils direction without asking you guys - and they don't know your plans because you go through mil - and so do they- is a recipe for disaster.

Get their emails, mobile numbers - message them - frankly if his said to all " hey, DW and I are planning a romantic weekend but we would love to see you for coffee at 4 at Costa on sat or whatever p" you wouldn't have this shit.

Madeyemoodysmum · 12/02/2016 22:26

I'm Shock at this story. Please update op with outcome Angry

Foffyouwanker · 12/02/2016 22:38

Clearly your mil is a loon! Your dh should tell her to be ashamed of herself, cancelling your holiday in favour of herself, and if she thinks you're going or paying for her holiday she's got another thing coming! Get your refund and book elsewhere. Don't bother telling mil, just turn your phones off!

Rainbunny · 12/02/2016 22:42

If the MIL tries more guilt trips I would be brutally honest and say that we were really looking forward to a weekend away, just the two of us after a long 6 months of working and we wanted to spend the weekend having lots and lots of sex. If your MIL has a response to that I'd be impressed!

Eggsandketchup · 12/02/2016 22:45

If you go, I'll be v cross with you! Your MIL is nuts, self centred and just fucking nuts.

I wish I had stood up to my MIL from the start. Would have saved me a lot of grief down the line.