Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL highjacking mini break

314 replies

CowPatRoberts · 12/02/2016 16:14

Long post, buckle up.

Myself and DP have been saving up for a long weekend away in Scotland at the end of March, bit of context but we’ve both started new jobs in the last 6 months which have really reduced our time together so this was something we’ve been looking forward to.

DP had the great idea of booking an apartment that he and his family have visited on a number of occasions, he’s familiar with the owners and it really fits all our requirements. As his parents’ place is on the way he called them last week to let them know we’d be in the area and that we’d love to drop in. They chatted for a while, made plans- great!

Then Monday evening I received an email from DSIL asking if the pool(??) was going to be available because if so she’d need a new costume. I assumed it was a mistake- I was wrong.

Apparently DMIL had thought about mine and DP’s trip over the weekend and realised it would make a brilliant family getaway! She called her parents, her brother, DSIL and DBIL to make sure they and all their kids were free to come along. She then called us (apparently to tell us about the sudden influx of mad relatives) after she spoke to all of the family on Sunday, but we missed the call and when we tried to call back they’d gone to bed.

The next day she called the family who owns the apartment and asked to cancel the reservation for our 2 bed place we’d reserved, so they could instead rent out one of the larger properties on offer- a 6 bed house with an indoor pool. They’ve used this place in the past for family parties etc so the owners assumed everything was agreed with us and happily switched the reservation for them.

So the first I hear about it is when the owners of the property call me up to ask if I’d like a refund for the other property or whether I wanted it applying to the new booking. DP called his DM Wednesday evening and was told “If you’d answered the phone Sunday night we would have told you then but it’s too late to change now!”

He told her that this was supposed to be a romantic getaway and we’d be delighted to organise a trip away with everyone another time, and again she answered that we should have gotten back to her on Sunday as it’s all paid for now and everyone booked time off on Monday.

They’ve been going round and round with this since then. When he brought up she had not asked us before planning she claimed “I didn’t know I needed to ask, I thought you cared about family and would be HAPPY to spend time with us…other people would kill for an opportunity like this…Grandma is getting old and this may be our last chance etc”

We’ve talked about just giving in and planning another romantic getaway for another time but we also don’t want to send a message that this is acceptable behaviour. WIBU to tell her to stuff her family getaway and use the money to bugger off abroad?

OP posts:
Hissy · 12/02/2016 17:55

Absolutely what Garlic said.

Hygge · 12/02/2016 17:57

I would maybe change my original booking to another date, but I think the better option is to take the refund and go elsewhere on the same date.

But I absolutely would not go on the 'family' weekend.

The reason I think going elsewhere is the better option is because MIL seems to have a fairly good relationship with the people who own the rental properties.

If she's been able to convince them to change your booking, by explaining you're all having a family weekend, they must know her reasonably well. Otherwise I doubt they would have cancelled your booking on her say so.

So if you keep your booking but change your date, the next thing to happen will be they contact your MIL and tell her that she has to pay extra because you haven't transferred your deposit over to the new accommodation.

And then she's likely to ask them why, they will tell her your new booking date, and she may well swap her dates as well.

If she's already done it once, there's nothing to stop her doing it again.

If it makes you feel any better, my MIL changed our wedding date. Or, more accurately, she rang all the guests on DH's side of the guest list to tell them the date on the invitations was wrong and they all had to come a day early.

She also rang the hotel to make sure they had the 'right' date and they almost cancelled the whole thing because they were unavailable the day before, they had another event.

Then she rang us to tell us that she had "sorted out" our mistake for us.

The date was not wrong, she just didn't believe that anybody got married on a Sunday.

We had a very quick engagement and marriage, we'd only known each other since the middle of November, and we were married in the middle of July. So we had very little time to contact the guests and tell them that MIL was wrong. We were still expecting some people to turn up a day early because of her.

She was really annoyed that we made her look stupid in front of people by telling them she was in the wrong.

Frazzled2207 · 12/02/2016 18:01

I am fuming on your behalf. Absolutely get a refund and go elsewhere. And don't tell her!

Do NOT put up and shut up! As you say, she could pull another stunt like it!

Oldraver · 12/02/2016 18:01

I think you have got to put your foot down ans insist they dont intrude

Anyone using emotional blackmail would be scked off in my book

DakotaFanny · 12/02/2016 18:01
Shock
ethelb · 12/02/2016 18:02

I honestly can't believe you are considering going. Its almost suggesting to me that you/yourDH have allowed behaviour like this in the past to the point you are almost to blame for this behaviour.

In your situation I would be demanding a refund in full, potentially leaving a shitty note on any review websites, booking somewhere else and not telling anyone where. Then I would be having very little to do with MIL for a very long time.

HelsBels3000 · 12/02/2016 18:03

It it were me I would call the owners and cancel the reservation for the 6 bed property and get a refund spiteful well if they can do it to your reservation, you can sure as hell do it to theirs.
And then book yourself some new for the same dates - enjoy!!

EweAreHere · 12/02/2016 18:04

You have NOTHING to feel guilty about if you don't go. Don't go.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 12/02/2016 18:05

look why is this such a big deal.

you and dh need to go away on your own, there has been a misunderstanding, and now your getting refund and going elsewhere but you hope they enjoy their break.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 12/02/2016 18:05

Wow!

As well as anything else, I am shocked at the lack of professionalism of a company cancelling your booking without speaking directly to you!! I know they did ring to ask what to do with the money, but that's awful

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 12/02/2016 18:05

i also cannot believe your considering going.

carabos · 12/02/2016 18:06

As PP have said, get your refund, book somewhere else and don't turn up. You don't need to explain any more, you've done that. If you feel you must say something, make it along the lines of "but you know we had a romantic weekend planned for those dates, we were never available for a family get-together and we still aren't available. Have a great time."

ethelb · 12/02/2016 18:08

Amouse in which case it is no big deal for MIL to apologise and change the booking, thus taking the DH up on his offer of going some other time with them, surely?

MIL has not done this. MIL is a cow.

ToffeeForEveryone · 12/02/2016 18:11

Your MIL sounds batshit Grin

Depends how much opportunity you will have for another weekend away if you go along to this one - will you have time / money soon or have to wait another 6 months to plan another weekend just you and your DH?

If it is going to be difficult to arrange another weekend for the two of you, definitely take the refund from this place and go elsewhere - I'd be telling the other "invited guests" exactly why you won't be there too!

If it would be straightforward to go away again, I would be tempted to go to the family get together (assuming you would normally enjoy / get along with SIL/BIL etc). Again, would make sure everyone knew that they were all crashing your romantic weekend at MIL's invitation!

DaggerEyes · 12/02/2016 18:14

Why would she be able to guilt trip you? Surely, 'guilt trips' rely on the other party feeling actual guilt, otherwise it's just noise. Don't go, op.

228agreenend · 12/02/2016 18:16

Go to Cornwall instead. That's as far as you can get from Scotland!

DinosaursRoar · 12/02/2016 18:22

Get a full refund and go elsewhere. Refuse to discuss it with her, get your DH to tell his parents you are both very upset that they've cancelled your holiday. Doesn't matter you didn't answer the phone, doesn't matter if everyone would enjoy the big group holiday, they had no right to cancel your holiday, there's no excuse for that.

Im really surprised at the holiday rental company, can't believe they didn't tell your MIL they could hold the 6 bed place for her, but couldn't cancel/amend your booking without talking to you directly. I'd be seeing my arse with them.

ShelaghTurner · 12/02/2016 18:23

Fuck that for a laugh. Land's End is nice this time of year... I'd be raging and I love my in laws!

LionsLedge · 12/02/2016 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GabiSolis · 12/02/2016 18:25

Fucking hell! I'm the biggest defender of MIL going but even I think this one is wildly out of order!

sleeponeday · 12/02/2016 18:25

I personally think if we allow this to happen once then we're setting a precedent. It's just the inevitable shit storm of guilt tripping I'd like to avoid.

Yeah, in that case do not touch going with a bargepole. You would need a MIL who was ordinarily saintly to let this one go - if a precedent is even a remote possibility then you need to dig your heels in.

umizoomi · 12/02/2016 18:31

You really can't go or you are telling her it's ok. The fact that she has the cheek to say 'but we tried to tell you, you didn't answer the phone ' says it all really. TELL you we are taking over YOUR holiday. Answering the phone would only have given you the news earlier but the outcome is the same.

I too would tell all other relatives of the reason you are not going. They probably don't know what she has done

Ameliablue · 12/02/2016 18:35

Going along with it does not necessarily set a precedent as long as you make it clear that it mustn't happen again but not going will probably sour your relationship with your in laws for the future.

gleekster · 12/02/2016 18:40

Just calmly repeat that you want a romantic getaway.

Either call the venue and change your dates, or go away same dates somewhere else.

Does she have form for being this controlling and manipulative?

miraclebabyplease · 12/02/2016 18:44

I can't believe people actually do this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread