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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Increasing numbers of married men in their 30s and 40s...

104 replies

bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 09:12

Being friends with 18 years old girls and then liking all their photos. It seems to be an increasing thing I see on Facebook.

I think this is really inappropriate. It doesn't affect me personally, but if I was the wife of one of these men I certainly wouldn't like it. Also, as the mother of three girls, two of whom are approaching this sort of age, I would be very unhappy if this happened to them.

AIBU?

OP posts:

EatShitDerek · 12/02/2016 09:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly · 12/02/2016 09:21

Depends on how and why they are friends with them.

It's always been considered ok for older men to perv off younger women.

CooPie10 · 12/02/2016 09:22

I haven't seen this on fb. Maybe it's the friends you have on there?

dimots · 12/02/2016 09:23

It shouldn't be a problem if it were all totally innocent. However, unless the girls in question are the mens daughters, as I get older I find the cynical explanation of people's behaviour is usually the correct one.

ZiggyFartdust · 12/02/2016 09:24

As the mother of teen girls you should be well aware that it isn't somehting that would "happen TO them", as if they can't help it. If your daughters accepted friend requests from pervy married men, that would be entirely their own daft decision.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2016 09:24

I would re examine your friendship circle.

Original poster

bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 09:25

Yes, I think if you're married you shouldn't like photos of the opposite sex because it conveys an interest in them unless it's a photo of something like a holiday experience / new pet etc. When it's one of these photos of someone with very few clothes on, pouting I don't think it's appropriate. I wouldn't like it at all if men my own age did this to my daughters. Perhaps I'm just an overprotective mother.

OP posts:

Original poster

bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 09:26

AnyFucker - they aren't my friends - they are the husbands of some of my friends.

OP posts:

BlueJug · 12/02/2016 09:28

As others say
1 reassess your friends
2 why assume that every relationship is pervy
3 Facebook isn't life
4 teach your girls to take responsibility for themselves

And - by the way - I have not noticed this at all

AnyFucker · 12/02/2016 09:30

Yuk. I don't really do FB much. Do you have to be friends with them to see what pictures they like.

Incidentally my H once accidentally "liked" something a young female relation posted that was not appropriate. Things were very frosty in the Fucker household that day..

LittleLionMansMummy · 12/02/2016 09:30

Are they photos of their children's friends, or other young women they've met for other reasons? Myself and dh are both 'friends' with my 16yo dsd's close friends and will sometimes like their posts.

JohnLuther · 12/02/2016 09:31

I don't like 'suggestive' photos that my male or female friends or even relatives put on Facebook for obvious reasons, I don't know why they put those sort of pictures online, for attention? I think it's pathetic but then I'm a thirty year old bloke with the mind of a 50 year old

A lot of people haven't got their Facebook profiles locked down so if any of my friends like certain photos they appear in my newsfeed and yes I do cringe at the photos some of my friends like.

Original poster

bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 09:35

I think teenage girls are under a lot of pressure to put photos on Facebook of themselves looking as 'sexy' as possible. This isn't their fault. But I suppose that's a side issue.

The people in question know these women from work, not the children of relatives. None of the men I know personally do this but I can see the husbands of my friends doing it. One friend came to see me and cried because she was upset about her husband's online behaviour.

OP posts:

Original poster

bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 09:36

LittleLion - when it's your dc's friends I think that's entirely different of course.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 12/02/2016 09:39

How can you see the husbands of your friends on your newsfeed, if you're not friends with them?

Original poster

bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 09:40

Because my friends have pointed it out to me.

OP posts:

x2boys · 12/02/2016 09:41

i have a 'facebook, friend whose a male 21 yr old, i,m 42 i,m no perve he has autism and i met him o line through various autism groups as ds2 has autism i dont comment on personal stuff just stuff he says about autism as its interesting and helps me understand ds.

Lifeisontheup2 · 12/02/2016 09:49

My DH is in his 50's and has a variety of aged women (and men) on his FB, some are our DD's friends whom he has known since they were in nappies, others he works with, he likes some of their photos and comments if he happens to be online when they pop up on his FB, can't see the issue really. If it was random strangers he'd never met then I might see it differently.

I'm friends with much younger men too, I think it's natural as you get older simply because the people you work with are younger than you a lot of the time. I've got colleagues who were born after I got married.

We both use FB to keep in touch with work stuff too.

SaucyJack · 12/02/2016 09:51

It is a bit skanky.

I deleted a couple of friends for liking/commenting on pages featuring pictures of mostly naked young women.

It's a bit cringy when I see teenage relatives doing it- but there comes an age when it just becomes utterly pathetic.

And these are otherwise "respectable" professional family men I'm talking about. Just ew.

liinyo · 12/02/2016 09:52

We have a friend of my age who moved overseas and we have kept in touch with the the family through social media and occasional group meets in his new home and in the UK. Over the last three years my DDs and I have all unfriended him on FB because of his continual pervy comments and PMs. He is OK face to face but unboundaried on social media. Like PPs have said, revise your friendship group.

ToastDemon · 12/02/2016 09:54

OP I know what you mean - it's not so much about being friends with younger members of the opposite sex in an appropriate context, it's about specifically friending young, "hot" women and then liking their sexy-pose photos.
It's sad, sleazy and seriously disrespectful to their wives.

Cat2014 · 12/02/2016 09:54

My dh is friends with some of the younger women he works with on fb and sometimes likes their pics (though not suggestive ones!) it has always bothered me a bit but I thought I was being U.. Should I be bothered then?!

specialsubject · 12/02/2016 09:56

'liking' a picture is not necessarily 'I want to shag you'. Even though a lot of the likees think so.

We need a dislike button for all the fish pouts and stupid expressions.

ewbank · 12/02/2016 09:57

Ew happily I'm not friends with anyone who does this!

YABU to extrapolate any sort of fb life rule from your slightly odd friends!

WorraLiberty · 12/02/2016 09:57

Because my friends have pointed it out to me.

Sorry I'm still confuddled

Your friends have pointed out to you that there are an increasing number of men doing this? Or are you saying you actually see it on Facebook?

I must admit it's not something I've particularly noticed.

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