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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Increasing numbers of married men in their 30s and 40s...

104 replies

bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 09:12

Being friends with 18 years old girls and then liking all their photos. It seems to be an increasing thing I see on Facebook.

I think this is really inappropriate. It doesn't affect me personally, but if I was the wife of one of these men I certainly wouldn't like it. Also, as the mother of three girls, two of whom are approaching this sort of age, I would be very unhappy if this happened to them.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Lifeisontheup2 · 12/02/2016 09:59

Actually, thinking about it and having a quick trawl through FB, no one seems to post 'suggestive' or half naked pictures so the problem wouldn't arise.
Fish pouts on the other hand yuck! Definite dislike from both DH and me.

Pantone363 · 12/02/2016 10:01

Mates DH does this on Instagram

Don't think he realises you can see the photos your friends have liked Hmm

WorraLiberty · 12/02/2016 10:05

I'm not familiar with Instagram but on FB, you can't see the pages your friends of friends have liked, even if their profiles are public.

JohnLuther · 12/02/2016 10:08

Yes you can Worra if my friends like a public image, whether it's on a Facebook profile or page it appears in my newsfeed.

JohnLuther · 12/02/2016 10:08

Sorry I misread, friends of friends no but friends yes.

WorraLiberty · 12/02/2016 10:10

That's the thing John, the OP isn't friends with her friends DH's.

Fuck I've confused myself now Grin

JohnLuther · 12/02/2016 10:11

You and me both Grin

Doingmyheadin2016 · 12/02/2016 10:14

Yes I have seen this. An exbf did this with a teenage family member of mine. He messaged her and out of politeness she replied. I saw all the messages and he was trying to compliment her and flirt, ending with 'our little secret.'

I was so proud of how she tried to back off politely but assertively but a more vulnerable girl might have been flattered and I dread to think where it could have led.

When I confronted him, he said he didn't mean anything by it and at 18 she was a woman.

What a perv.

Doingmyheadin2016 · 12/02/2016 10:16

I don't know if it's 'increasing numbers' but a lot of men get off on contacting young girls on social media.

Nataleejah · 12/02/2016 10:19

If YOUR hubby lurks on FB flirting with 18yos while neglecting you -- i think you have a different sort of problem than young women being sexy

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 10:21

It definitely goes on. I was having a conversation with some mums about it at the school gate and they were also expressing their concerns about it. Men sometimes seem to think that much younger women are going to welcome these unwanted advances.

I am 35 and when I did online dating I had men of 60+ contacting me.

OP posts:
Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 10:22

Nata - I'm not married (any more) but when I was my DH certainly didn't do this.

OP posts:
Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 10:23

And the problem is not young women being sexy! It's men behaving inappropriately. Most people agree that it's offensive for men to whistle at you from their cars.

OP posts:
AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 12/02/2016 10:23

Op I would be very uncomfortable with this yes!

SisterNancySinatra · 12/02/2016 10:24

Yea remember the " ice bucket challenge" I had a creepy " uncle" on my fb who was making really inappropriate comments on young nieces status like " why don't you wear a bikini ". He's comments were so inappropriate I defriended him .

pocketsaviour · 12/02/2016 10:25

I would have to say I haven't noticed this, and I have a lot of married men in my friends list.

Erm... that sounds terrible. How about "a lot of my couple friends, and colleagues who are married, are on Facebook, and I am friends with them"? Grin

How many of your friends have mentioned it, OP? How old are their husbands? How do they know these younger women to be friends with, or are these photos posted on public groups, etc?

pocketsaviour · 12/02/2016 10:29

X-post.

Most people agree that it's offensive for men to whistle at you from their cars.

Yes, but the meaning of a wolf whistle is well understood as "I would like to have sex with you." Whereas a Facebook "Like" can signify anything from "Lovely photo", "I can't think of a comment to make but hello", "I like your outfit", "You are beautiful in a non-sexual way", right through to, obviously, "I would like to have sex with you."

I think the context here is key. If these husbands are just manically Liking a load of bikini-type photos of young women they don't actually know, then it's pretty creepy (and sad and laughable.) If it's just clicking Like on someone's new profile photo, maybe of a colleague, then it's not exactly divorce territory, surely.

FoxFeatures · 12/02/2016 10:30

AF I will bet good money he doesn't do that again Grin

Nataleejah · 12/02/2016 10:32

I'm not 18 anymore, but among my FB friends there are a few much older guys whom i've been talking to since i was 16-17. Never met them in real life (they're American) but always keeping in touch. One of them got quite flirty a while ago, when his marriage was on the rocks, but now he's married for a 3rd time and we're back to being good friends and just "liking" each other of FB.

mummytippy · 12/02/2016 10:32

I agree with DoingMyHead in... I had a exbf too who did this and also sent a PM (to my at the time regular babysitter) on FB.
He made some comment about her 'singing for her supper' as she was talented musically and that she was wearing a nice 'little black dress' in one of her FB photos. She felt so awkward about the comments in the PM she told me. She was 17 at the time and he was 35+ supposedly respectable man. Not good behaviour in my view and it made me feel sick. I know he did it with other women too... he loved flirting and as DoingMyHead in has said who knows where it could lead, I think it's a testing the water technique.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 10:33

It does all depend on the circumstances. I suppose before Facebook it would just have happened in other ways.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 12/02/2016 10:33

I'm a man in my 40s. My niece is 18 and one of my Facebook "friends", but the inanity of her posts made me hide them a long time ago.

I really don't feel the need to be fb friends with the generation below. If I want to see photos of nieces and nephews I'll see what their parents "like".

I'm not saying that OP's acquaintances are acting inappropriately. It depends on their relationship with the girls in question, and whether or not they pass inappropriate comments.

TotalConfucius · 12/02/2016 10:34

I have a husband in his 40s.
I also have a DD of 14.
Both are on FB.
So I think I can have a valid opinion on this.
And I see no evidence that this is an issue at all.
Mind you, I have a husband whose FB likes do not extend beyond cars and a DD who would no more put a sexy picture of herself on Facebook or anywhere else than she would listen to a Justin Bieber track. So I suppose those two kind of rule me out.
As you were.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 12/02/2016 10:42

I think you have pervy old gaffer mates OP Grin

SleepyRoo · 12/02/2016 10:43

I think it's creepy. Call me a cynic but unlikely to be any good reason for a bloke to be doing that.

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