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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Increasing numbers of married men in their 30s and 40s...

104 replies

bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 09:12

Being friends with 18 years old girls and then liking all their photos. It seems to be an increasing thing I see on Facebook.

I think this is really inappropriate. It doesn't affect me personally, but if I was the wife of one of these men I certainly wouldn't like it. Also, as the mother of three girls, two of whom are approaching this sort of age, I would be very unhappy if this happened to them.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LordBrightside · 12/02/2016 10:47

"I think teenage girls are under a lot of pressure to put photos on Facebook of themselves looking as 'sexy' as possible. This isn't their fault. But I suppose that's a side issue."

Gosh, what rubbish. Is there anything left that teenage girls aren't pressured by nasty society about?

Regarding some of the rest of the comments here, a lot of people really seem to have some serious hang ups.

AvaLeStrange · 12/02/2016 10:58

Unless you know the full details of every single one of their relationships it's absolutely none of your business.

DH is friends with an 18 year girl on FB, likes and comments on her pictures etc - he has also been friends with her Dad since they were at primary school.

I fully expect that when DD joins FB in a couple of year's time she'll be friends with and have lots of communication with her Godfather - DH's best friend since college who is not only a man in his forties but, shock horror, doesn't have children of his own.

Get over yourself.

cleaty · 12/02/2016 11:03

People excuse sleazy behaviour. But sleazy behaviour is still exactly that.

Nataleejah · 12/02/2016 11:12

If its extended family putting emphasis on the "sexy" aspect -- maybe its a bit sleazy. But how many friends does one have on FB... Dozens, hundreds, if not more.

Goingtobeawesome · 12/02/2016 11:17

"It's always been considered ok for older men to perv off younger women."

Even if this ridiculous idea was true, it is time it stopped then!

mummytippy · 12/02/2016 12:19

Yes, sleazy behaviour is just that and cannot be excused.
I think the OP said she has had discussions at the school gate etc with other mums who also agree its inappropriate so it's obvioulsy uncomfortable for many.

Any 'decent' person would not do it on that fact alone, male or female. It's about having respect for your OH and not doing it if they don't like it aside from where it can lead.

CottonFrock · 12/02/2016 12:52

Not a FB user, but the 'like' button is a fairly blunt instrument, isn't it? I mean, it's the same 'like' whether the photo is of someone standing on the summit of Kilimanjaro, a baby with chocolate on its face, or a teenage girl doing a duckface in a bodycon dress, isn't it? And there are people who just automatically click 'like' on any photo, because some people seem to think that not doing so constitute a rude ignoring of the photo poster or a suggestion they don't look fabulous in their new dress and duckface pout. (Lots of posters on MN complaining about people who never 'like' or comment on any of their statuses, while they do other people's etc.)

If this bunch of teenage girls regularly post photos of themselves climbing mountains or winning judo contests, and the guys you are complaining about completely ignore those, and only 'like' the suggestive ones - or if they're commenting 'ID LUV TO GIVE U 1!' on the 'sexy' selfies- then you might have an issue.

BreatheandFlyAway · 12/02/2016 13:13

as I get older I find the cynical explanation of people's behaviour is usually the correct one

This.

AppleSetsSail · 12/02/2016 13:19

I'd be forced to reconsider my marriage if my husband created a FB account and started 'friending' teenage girls.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 14:26

I think it is sleazy. I am currently with someone new - he works with a lot of younger people and is friends with some of them on fb. But he doesn't like their profile photos or write 'smoking hot' at the bottom. It's often patently obvious what they're up to.

OP posts:
Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 14:29

The men that do this that is... Actually Ava, I think it is my business since it upsets my friends. And clearly when it's your friends child that is different - I already said words to that effect!

OP posts:
LordBrightside · 12/02/2016 15:17

It's not your business.

AppleSetsSail · 12/02/2016 15:22

It's not your business.

Most of the things that people come on MN to complain about are not 'their business', strictly speaking.

LordBrightside · 12/02/2016 15:49

This definitely isn't though.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 15:53

What do you think I'm going to do? Message these women's husbands? I'm entitled to have an opinion about something that doesn't directly affect me.

OP posts:
AvaLeStrange · 12/02/2016 16:05

If your friends are upset that their husbands are making comments like 'smoking hot' on FB pages of teenage girls it sounds like it runs a lot deeper than social networking and their DH's are just generally sleazy tbh.

mummytippy · 12/02/2016 18:50

Anyone remember you used to be able to 'poke' people on FB?
That seems to have disappeared!

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 12/02/2016 19:25

No, you can still poke! But not on a iPhone or iPad I think.

OP posts:
Cat2014 · 12/02/2016 21:16

This has come up today! My dh liked a pic of a younger girl he works with, new hair cut. I told him (calmly) thought it was inappropriate especially as her pic was set to public so all our joint friends would see. Was I BU?

PlopTheBarn0wl · 13/02/2016 00:18

Not just middle age men... DP's old (no longer) friend has started liking "pose-y" pics of girls that appear to be young twenties or younger. He's 30ish. It's weird.

He's perpetually single and recently liked an article about "nice guys" and how girls always go for bad guys and that is a Bad Thing as nice guys are so Nice.

He is also very Deep and Meaningful, and posts links to "thought provoking" blog posts that explain why people fail at relationships today.

He is a glorious hate read. Grin

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 13/02/2016 08:26

No, Cat - I don't think you were.

OP posts:
Cat2014 · 13/02/2016 08:41

Thank you Smile

JohnLuther · 13/02/2016 08:53

I think you were being U, I'm guessing that he liked it to say 'nice haircut' - nothing wrong with that.

Original poster
bodenbiscuit · 13/02/2016 09:51

Actually I think there is something wrong. Maybe I'm horribly cynical. I've had a situation lately where a married man who I know in a professional capacity for about 12 years propositioned me and confessed he's always liked me. In the past I had a slight inkling of his intentions even though his comments were no more than 'your hair looks nice'.

Anything personal like that and you have to wonder what the true motivation is,

OP posts:
JohnLuther · 13/02/2016 09:57

So for all the years I've been telling people 'your hair looks nice' when they get it cut or restyled they've been wondering what my motives are? Hmm

Why can't a man compliment a woman or vice versa and there be no underlying motive? I think there's being cynical and then there's taking it to extremes.

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