to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

[dahlink]

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan?

No, no & NO!!! Made me chuckle but DO NOT send it.

If romance ain't you thing (and it clearly ain't your thing) why not just get a non cheesy Valentine's card instead?

Having re-read the poem I think the biggest crime is that you rhyme 'Mum' with 'cum'. Believe me, no man wants their darling mum and cum in the same thought.

Do it as a rap - complete with human beat box sound effects - in the staff canteen. That'd get his attention.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry!

It's funny. But don't. It could go so wrong, totally not worth it. Sorry.

Having re read it, I think verse five could be used in a card. It's quite sweet.

Everyone's a critic...

Probably best to keep that one to yourself OP
Although I have sent it to my DH so that when he doesn't receive a poem for Valentine's Day, he appreciates it a whole lot more

Everyone's a critic...

Hahaha!

I wonder where the op has gone....

Maybe she's working on a new draft.

I'm just imagining th spoor blokes face when he opens that in the office!!

Oh come on, plenty of men would love to receive that

Please don't, it's just awful.

His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month

A word to the wise on this one. I once took advantage of a contractor because he had finished at our employer - not with dodgy poetry I hasten to add - only for him to walk back into the office a week later because he'd been re-hired. It took some months to live that one down.

Secretly mind. I agree it'll end up on the staff notice board/passed round the pub. Don't do it!

I just about kept the cringe at bay till I came to the word "cum"

I barely got past 'rude bits' and 'beard'.

WTAF are you thinking OP?

Just ask him for coffee /beer, then take him home and shag him, no? Simple.

And you'll save money on the card!

'I once took advantage of a contractor'

Tell us more, sweary

Er, no.

Did you really finish with your ex on the off chance that this freelancer would let you sit on his beard?

That's hilarious! But no of course you can't give that to him. Ask him for a drink like everybody else has said.

Erm, no.