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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

428 replies

dahlink · 09/02/2016 10:57

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan? Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
ILikeUranus · 12/02/2016 10:24

A card like this doesn't need an envelope. You just hold it between your bum cheeks and walk backwards towards his desk to deliver it personally, in a saucy way.

ILikeUranus · 12/02/2016 10:27

/f\ /r

l o l
\y/ \u/

ILikeUranus · 12/02/2016 10:30

Oh it didn't work. I was trying to illustrate my idea to class up the delivery by decorating your bum cheeks with the letters F R (reading left to right) and underneath Y U, to spell out 'FoR YoU' when he removed the card from your clenched cheeks. Let us know how this goes!

VulcanWoman · 12/02/2016 10:41

A card like this doesn't need an envelope. You just hold it between your bum cheeks and walk backwards towards his desk to deliver it personally, in a saucy way.
Grin

suzannecaravaggio · 12/02/2016 10:50

I love you
I love you
I love you almighty
I wish your pyjamas were next to my nightie.

The only poem so far on his thread which scans properly was written by a twelve year old!

memyselfandaye · 12/02/2016 12:36

There has got to be someone on this thread with a bearded husband/boyfriend/fuckbud/wife.

Please write that poem in a card for them and report back Grin

LittleLionMansMummy · 12/02/2016 12:42

ILikeUranus thanks for that imagery. As if the poem itself were not enough!

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?
Binders1 · 12/02/2016 13:04

I hate men with big bushy beards. Really not keen on the whole 'beard craze'.

AnUtterIdiot · 12/02/2016 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnUtterIdiot · 12/02/2016 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 12/02/2016 13:19

I hope he's at his desk when the OP makes her bum cheek delivery. Otherwise she'll have to wait for him with cheeks clenched risking an arse cramp.

But it will be worth it!

OddSocksHighHeels · 12/02/2016 15:47

OP said I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing and people have assumed she broke up with the ex for this other man but I read that as she broke up with ex (for unspecified reasons) and has since been hoping that this man would make a move now that she's single rather than ending the relationship because of the man at work.

CheersMedea · 12/02/2016 15:58

Snapespeare

This:
Oh don't be mistaken!
No, don't be misled,
I mean on the washing line,
Not on the bed.

Reminded me of this from school days:

On top of Old Smokey
All covered in grass
A bald headed eagle sat scratching his
Don't be mistaken
Don't be misled
That bald headed eagle
Sat scratching his head.

gunting · 12/02/2016 16:01

Memyself my dp has a big beard and I read him this poem a few days ago

memyselfandaye · 12/02/2016 16:10

Agree with oddsocks I doubt the OP ended her relationship on the offchance of some weirdy beardy fun.

Even if she did, it doesn't make her a bad person, better doing it that way than cheating.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/02/2016 16:27

Beauty you can use all the big words you like but you called the op a dirty skank which in any language is woman hating and insulting

HairySubject · 12/02/2016 16:29

Wonders if the OP is still in her disciplinary hearing.

OttiliaVonBCup · 12/02/2016 16:30

Is LittleBeauty working on a poem now?

liberatedwine · 12/02/2016 20:22

You were so distant
Now we're as one
Thanks to some duct tape
And a glue gun

RavioliOnToast · 14/02/2016 19:58

Did you send it OP?

OddSocksHighHeels · 14/02/2016 20:05

I like to imagine OP and beardy man are together today.

CheersMedea · 16/02/2016 14:11

Wonders if the OP is still in her disciplinary hearing.

ROFL @ hairysubject

I wrote my colleague a note I did.
Burning with lust, I was wired;
The Disciplinary Hearing was terribly brief.
In short dear reader, I was fired.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/02/2016 14:16

Every time this thread pops up in active, my heart gets happy. I have laughed so much at it.

memyselfandaye · 16/02/2016 14:39

I think Friday came around, 4.55pm, it was his last day, so she put superglue on her vadge, dragged him into a quiet cupboard and jumped on that beard.

She's still there now, riding away.

Poor beard man is only moments away from death.

We will all be secretly reading about it in the Daily Fail next week, complete with sad face

FairiesAreReal · 16/02/2016 20:47

I think Friday came around, 4.55pm, it was his last day, so she put superglue on her vadge, dragged him into a quiet cupboard and jumped on that beard.

She's still there now, riding away.

Poor beard man is only moments away from death.

We will all be secretly reading about it in the Daily Fail next week, complete with sad face

Ha, ha, that's hilarious GrinGrinGrin

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