to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

[dahlink]

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan?

The third worst in the Universe. Hot competition from OP though.

Sorry OP.

Oh God NO, maybe just the 5th verse if you absolutely have to, but otherwise, no.

The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive

Really? That's the only thing your worried about?

Crying at gunting just cringed my nips off

Also if you've been wiping your fanjo on men's beards before you've been doing it wrong

Don't do it.

Have you actually read what you're saying?:

You want to rub your fandango in his face
You don't consider you could ever be a wife
You like to give blow jobs to men you don't know
You don't ever want to know him

Sends out all the wrong signals, imo. You did say, that you ended a relationship with your DP, to see if this may make this guy ask you out. So, surely you like him more than this rhyme portrays?

😂😂😂😂😂 gunting

Surely asking him for a leaving drink would be less humiliating.

Nooooo

It's hilarious! I wouldn't dream of sending it to anyone but it did make me laugh!

Oh dear God, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Oh god. If I got that from a member of either sex I would get a restraining order. No fanjo/wangjo within a meter of my chin.

Maybe try a different form?

There once was a man in my workplace
Whose flirting was terribly naice
I broke up with my ex
So we could have sex
Now ask me to sit on your face.

I am pmsl at the poem. I think it's good. But it's kind of really really explicit!!!!! .

If you were to send anything, I think it is too long. I am quite a rude person and I had to put my hand over the screen a couple of times before reading on!!!

You could just go out for a drink, get a bit pissed and shag him?

I think I'll send that to my DH - mainly to see if he cries with laughter as much as I did!

It's not even my poem and I've cringed my way through reading it out loud to DH. He thinks its pretty dreadful too.

Sorry OP

"I don't want to look a fool"

You will. No doubt.

I'm confused how you can leave your DH for a guy who you only want to fuck? I'm assuming you were already in the process of ending your marriage?

Oh God no.

I just cringed so hard my ovaries may never return to full size.

Nothing wrong with no strings sex. That 'poem' should be burnt and the ashes buried in concrete.

No No No it would be a big mistake to send that.

Oh OP. Bless you.

Don't send it.

Just ask him out to dinner one evening. If you end up in the sack together by the end of it then job done.

Just write 'sit on my face you beardy fucker'

Going against the tide here.. but....

I think it's rather classy and elegant. Just on the right side of 'edgy' and leaves the recipient with only a wiff of your darker intentions. In classic Valentine's tradition, he will be unsure and left to speculate who you could be and he will be intrigued by oyur skills as a wordsmith and the opaqueness of your desires.

Ignore these prudes! Send it, and let us know how it went for you?

Pannn the is very cruel.... It will never end well.

OP, if you do end up screwing this chap, please PLEASE read this to him after.

It scans terribly. . . .Unless you want him to think you are . . . semi- literate

It is a terrible poem, not witty or clever, doesn't not scan and is incredibly vulgar.

Send this and it will probably either sent to HR or put up on a notice board/circulated via the intranet with a "Who wrote this drivel?" mystery.

I mean:

But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard

Seriously? What's wrong with you?

It's very, very weird to send that kind of thing anonymously.

Oh my god. No. Just no.

Can you not just ask him if he'd like to go for a drink some time?