to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

[dahlink]

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan?

Laugh of the morning.
But no, just ask if he'd like to go out for a drink.

Are you Vogon?

I'm going to post this on every single wedding poem thread from now on.

My god, that's bloody awful.

That is a truly terrible poem. Don't do it. He'll think you are a loon and a creepy sexual predator to boot.

Vogon

Seriously, if he does fancy you, that poem will put him off.

Wait till his last day and ask if he'd like to get a drink.

YABU Yes and No.
You would be wholly and completely unreasonable to send it.
Yes it's (far far far) too much.
No it doesn't scan.

That's grim !
Really grim.....
I was out at rubbing bits on a beads hahahahaha yuk

I don't think the OP meant to send it anonymously. I could be wrong.

And they say romance is dead.

It's so awful I can't read it all at once- I keep scrolling up. I can manage about 2 lines at a time.

See thread title Eponas. If I got that anonymously I would be a bit and looking over my shoulder for weeks! Creepy and boaksome.

Jesus Christ. Is this a joke?! Can you imagine if a woman was sent something like this by a bloke?

Cringe...

It's not very sexy, to say the least.

Lovely image of your secretions matting his beard comes to mind.

I think the poem might put him off ever having sex again.

Plus it is sexual harassment and comes across as desperate.

If you are all down with the casual sex or whatever why send a valentine and a hideous massive long poem?

Well, you did ask.

Do come back and tell us how it went though.

Sweet Jesus of Nazareth! Where's your self respect woman?!
If you like him, you could always, you know, ask him if he'd like to go for a drink sometime?!

Well that escalated quickly

TattieHowkerz
Do come back and tell us how it went though.

I think it's rather classy and elegant.

.

Vogon

Oh good god, please do not send that.

what the fuck? Please don't send this, almost threw up my cheese toastie, vom!

beard sex.
I thought the word 'saucy' was only used in Carry On films?
OP have you thought of recording yourself reading this out to a background beat and posting online?
Jokes aside, life's too short not to ask him out. You probably won't see him again if he's leaving so it's excellent timing.

I think it's fine to put some feelers out to see he'd be receptive to meeting for a drink. But to tell him straight out that you want to sit on his face? Well that might be seen as a ummmm, tad forward.

And frightening.

And icky.

I simply can't get past the non use of willy to rhyme with silly.

You were going to sign it too, otherwise how would he be able to tell you he liked your card? If you know him well enough to send it, then he knows you well enough to ask you out if he's interested.

I think you should just send him a cheeky shop bought card.

It's so horrid, there's too much to parse here...

I think 'don't wanna...' Kills me the most