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AIBU?

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Original poster

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

428 replies

dahlink · 09/02/2016 10:57

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan? Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
GladysTheGolem · 09/02/2016 11:10

That's a terrible poem...are you Vogon?

There's nothing wrong with being 'easy' if you're just after a fuck!
Just ask him for a drink.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 11:10

I'm almost crying with laughter and horror!

DON'T DO IT!

WittgensteinsBunny · 09/02/2016 11:11

Hmm Grin wipe your bits on his beard? Just no!

Please don't send the poem. I wouldn't bother with a card. If you like him, why not just ask him out for a drink?

Sallyingforth · 09/02/2016 11:11

What are you trying to achieve OP?
You said you have no desire for a relationship. But your poem is clearly inviting one - "I'd love to make you cum."
Leaving aside the quality of the verse, what is the poor guy going to make of it?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 11:11

NOW I'm crying thanks to Gladys vogon reference. Actual tears.

SmellsLikeMiddleAgeSpirit · 09/02/2016 11:13

are you Vogon?

She is, at the very least one of the Azgoths of Kria!

VulcanWoman · 09/02/2016 11:13

It's icky. Think of another one that's a lot more subtle, post it so we can let you know if it's any better, good for you having the balls to make a move.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 09/02/2016 11:15

Grin at Gladys.

But I think we know that the OP isn't Vogon. The Vogons only write the third worst poetry in the universe. As the HGTTG states, "The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison."

TheWitTank · 09/02/2016 11:16

Shock Oh my. Please don't send it. It's beyond awful. Really. My toes are hurting they are curled so hard. Agree with just asking him out!

MTPurse · 09/02/2016 11:17

I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.

Hang on, you ended your relationship in hope that someone from Work would make a move? Confused

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 09/02/2016 11:18

Crying with laughter at Vogon.

Sorry OP. Don't send it.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 09/02/2016 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trulybadlydeeply · 09/02/2016 11:25

Sorry OP, it's dreadful Grin. I agree that if it's taken the wrong way (or gets into the wrong hands) it could be seen as harassment and have serious implications.

When he leaves, there is nothing wrong with just asking him if he would like to keep in touch. You will get the feeling then if he is interested or not.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 09/02/2016 11:25

Let's hope it's not a slow news day in The Guardian or the Daily Mail, otherwise your 'poem' might end up published and the aftermath will be worse than penis beaker. Hmm

MagicalHamSandwich · 09/02/2016 11:26

As a team manager I'd have to discipline anyone who sent something like this, regardless of the other person's reaction, if It came to my attention!

Don't do it, OP, this violates even the softest harrassment policy out there!

WorraLiberty · 09/02/2016 11:27

OMG no, don't send that Shock

Did anyone else look like this when they read it? Grin

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?
BigQueenBee · 09/02/2016 11:28

I would being really freaked out if I received a " poem" like that.

Please don't send it, you will end up looking like a complete knob.

ClashCityRocker · 09/02/2016 11:28

Who's Vogan?

PeterGriffinsPenisBeaker · 09/02/2016 11:29

Eugh. I'd slap my husband if he sent me that in a Valentine's card. And I'm no prude!

I.E. don't send it!

gunting · 09/02/2016 11:30

Holy fuck.

Is this real? I've just cringed my nips off.

eloquent · 09/02/2016 11:31

Just. NO.

ponders if op just wants to go vial

Angeladelight · 09/02/2016 11:31

It's hilarious Grin but just inappropriate in your situation and not worth the risk of people finding out etc. Maybe ask him out for a goodbye coffee instead and then try to rub your bits in his beard from there?

DramaAlpaca · 09/02/2016 11:31

Ewww! That's beyond awful, embarrassing even.

Don't send it.

eloquent · 09/02/2016 11:31

VIRAL ffs

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 11:31

Clash It's a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference.