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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

428 replies

dahlink · 09/02/2016 10:57

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan? Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/02/2016 13:00

no, its vile
I'd love to make you cum

YES to an anonymous valentine but NO to this travesty!
its borderline sexual harassment

pigsinmud · 09/02/2016 13:02

Surely this is a joke? I can't believe anyone would think this was ok to send.
Shock

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 13:03

Not even borderline. Could be viewed as actual sexual harassment.

WitchWay · 09/02/2016 13:05

Awful poem, sorry - don't do it!

When I was in my early 20s I sent a Valentine card to a bloke I fancied the pants off with the following much better IMO poem in it:

I wish it were me in your hands, Valentine
It's this card that I envy the most
I'd really feel better
If I were this letter
But I'd probably come in the post

I was in the common room at University & heard him discussing this mystery card & wondering who it was from Grin

He did find out a good while later when I'd finally managed to get my claws into him as I told him - he was particularly impressed with the non-local postmark - I'd sent it to a friend who lived 300 miles away to post back to him!

HairySubject · 09/02/2016 13:06

It reminds me of those Purple Ronnie cards that were out a few years ago.

UptownFunk00 · 09/02/2016 13:06

The rude bits against beard sounds painful!

Why not something flirty instead of overtly sexual?

I don't know uh...

I've heard it's nearly time to go
It would be such a shame
To say goodbye as I'm sure you know
I'm very glad that you came.

So I wondered if you'd agree
To having a couple of drinks
So you can get to know me
So tell me what do you think?

Not asking for forever after
But maybe a little fun?
A bit of cheeky laughter,
Not just a friend and Mum.

If you'd like to stay in touch
Then please let me know
I would like it very much
If you called me on my phone.

X number here!

I just made it up it's rubbing but you get the idea. :)

CottonFrock · 09/02/2016 13:06

I don't even know where to start on this one, but it makes the average Hallmark 'saucy' Valentine verse look like one of Shakespeare's sonnets.

Also, can I just query the internal logic of the last stanza? If you're sending this anonymously, is your unfortunate colleague supposed to go around the office saying 'I liked your card!' to anyone with a vagina? Or should that be 'rude bits'? Or are you going to sit about winking salaciously/flashing your pants at him over your Excel spreadsheets?

HelpfulChap · 09/02/2016 13:06

I'm just off to grow a beard....

PastaPrincess · 09/02/2016 13:07

And I thought the one I received at uni was bad.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I want to stick
My cock in you

Sorry OP, you should bin that for multiple reasons, and never use the word "saucy" again.

99littleducks · 09/02/2016 13:07

I mean... There are no words to describe how awful that is... PLEASE DO NOT SEND IT!

CrystalMcPistol · 09/02/2016 13:08

No poems!

Just leave a can of Special Brew on his desk.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 09/02/2016 13:08

And I thought an anonymous Christmas dinner was pretty weird...

I wouldn't send it. It's creepy, even if he feels the same, and HR would have a field day.

LittleLionMansMummy · 09/02/2016 13:10

Ewww. There's a little bit of sick in my mouth after reading that. It has left me feeling the same way I did after watching Alan Carr snogging Grace Jones.

FairiesAreReal · 09/02/2016 13:11
Shock I think he'll be having a shave if you send him that Grin
CottonFrock · 09/02/2016 13:11

And aren't you going to be furious when he makes a beeline for bosomy Susan from Accounts and starts telling her he liked her card and suggests a blowjob in the photocopy room, and then gets an official reprimand from HR when an understandably affronted Susan isn't enthusiastic about a closer acquaintance with his 'rude bits'...?

Honestly, OP, did you really end your last relationship in the hope that this man would ask you out??? And this is your attempt to ask him out???

FairiesAreReal · 09/02/2016 13:16

bosomy Susan from Accounts

GrinGrinGrin

whattodowiththepoo · 09/02/2016 13:17

DO IT
DOOOO ITTTTTT

diddl · 09/02/2016 13:19

It's just too convoluted.

Jeez, just ask him out for a netflix & chill date.

Wouldn't the card actually be enough?

CrystalMcPistol · 09/02/2016 13:20

What if he doesn't only approach bosomy Susan from accounts but wiry Brian from IT too?

It'll be Sodom and Gomorrah at your workplace OP.

MagicalHamSandwich · 09/02/2016 13:21

To add insult to injury, it's also a horribly bad poem!

I really like poetry but if someone sent me something like this - even if it was not actually vulgar - it'd put me off them because my inner intellectual snob would feel compelled to veto that person!

Had to text this to my friend who has a degree in literature. He's currently sobbing on his mum's lap!

TwatMagnet · 09/02/2016 13:21

It would be a very brave OP who came back here after a carpeting like this Grin

Sorry OP. I'm not even sure if this was meant to be serious or not but you simply cannot send that unless you want to be carted off by a team of emergency workers in white coats Grin

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 09/02/2016 13:23

I think he'll be having a shave if you send him that grin

I am now laughing so much that I can't stop, and when anyone looks at me or tries to talk, I laugh again.

It would be hilarious if he disappeared after getting that and came back clean shaven.

It could be a code!

deregistered · 09/02/2016 13:23

Course it's not serious!

The replies have kept me amused while chomping my ham sandwich.

Just to be clear, poems have no place in any card, ever, for any reason.

toffeeboffin · 09/02/2016 13:24

COME BACK OP!

Where has she gone?

FancyPuffin · 09/02/2016 13:24

I have improved it.

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?