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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

428 replies

dahlink · 09/02/2016 10:57

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan? Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
OTheHugeManatee · 10/02/2016 12:29

Shall I compare thee to Ann Summers day?
Thou art more pervy and more up for it.
May rough sex shake my darling buds of May
Tho' rapid thrusts have all too short a spate!
Sometimes too hot the eye of ogler shines
Tho' often be her pink-spank'd bottom rimm'd
For ev'ry fadge from neat sometimes declines
By Veet or salon's waxing left untrimm'd.

Still thy eternal boner shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that load thou ow'st
Nor Viagra brag thou wand'rest in his shade
When in eternal sweaty shag thou grow'st.
So long as cock will rise, and fanny throb
So long I'll yearn to sit upon thine knob.

VioletVaccine · 10/02/2016 12:35

Oh Philip, your smile shines brighter
Than my crown so full of gems,
And One would really love it,
If you'd take me up the Thames.

  • From the Royal Poetry Archive.
HelpfulChap · 10/02/2016 12:37

OTheHuge

Bravo!

VioletVaccine · 10/02/2016 12:40

Othehuge Grin fantastic!

OttiliaVonBCup · 10/02/2016 12:45

Standing ovation for the manatee and vaccine.

HelpfulChap · 10/02/2016 12:50

Just seen Vaccines contribution.

We are most amused.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 10/02/2016 13:02

I can't hope to compete with OTHM and VV but I do have a funny filthy limerick story.

Few years ago a friend went on a hen weekend to the island of Nantucket, in Massachusetts. They all had Tshirts made saying "In Search of the Man From Nantucket".

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it!"

MooPointCowsOpinion · 10/02/2016 13:03

Manatee! Bravo! Grin

TawnyGrisette · 10/02/2016 13:05

Grin Grin at Violet's offerings.

Love Tiggy's too.

TiggyD · 10/02/2016 13:12

Nice Huge. Dead classy.

OTheHugeManatee · 10/02/2016 13:40

It probably says something about me that ever since I posted I've been worrying about whether it should have been 'sit upon thine knob' or 'sit upon thy knob'.

LittleLionMansMummy · 10/02/2016 13:49

Penguin you've reminded me of the leaked conversations between Charles and Camilla back in the day. I remember being scarred by reading that he'd told her that when he dies he wants to come back as a tampon so he could be inside her. Now I've written it down I feel like I dreamed it. Back to the drugs cabinet I go...

TiggyD · 10/02/2016 13:50

I don't think the owner of the knob will mind much either way.

Stratter5 · 10/02/2016 14:27

Oh God LittleLion, I had forgotten that.

Lariflete · 10/02/2016 14:32

My throat is really sore from laughing so hard!

LittleLionMansMummy · 10/02/2016 14:59

I feel grubby Stratter, but at least I know it wasn't a product of my own hideous imagination.

Arfarfanarf · 10/02/2016 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SagaAndMartinsLiftConvos · 10/02/2016 15:33

It probably says something about me that ever since I posted I've been worrying about whether it should have been 'sit upon thine knob' or 'sit upon thy knob'.

I think "thy knob". I think "thine" is used before a vowel. But don't quote me on that.

LOVE your work though Grin

OTheHugeManatee · 10/02/2016 15:40

Saga I thought it was a sort of vestigial dative form left over from the more Germanic Middle English. But apparently you're right and I was overcomplicating things.

It should indeed be 'sit upon thy knob'.

MNetter15 · 10/02/2016 17:30

Read this post 3 hours ago... cried laughing.

Just re read it now and crying again.

bcngran · 10/02/2016 18:11

NOT THE POEM!!!!! Just send the card with thinking naughty thoughts on the front, and sign it. That's enough, surely????!!!!

whattheseithakasmean · 10/02/2016 18:32

Why has no one mentioned
O pointy birds o pointy pointy
Anoint my head anointy - nointy

LittleBeautyBelle · 10/02/2016 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

usual · 10/02/2016 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iMatter · 10/02/2016 19:08

I had to stop reading this thread at work because I was howling.

This has to go in Classics. Hilarious.

Thank you.