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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

428 replies

dahlink · 09/02/2016 10:57

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan? Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
IrishDad79 · 11/02/2016 13:25

Send it for the laugh, by e-mail.

Binders1 · 11/02/2016 14:07

Op - you need to come back even it's to receive a standing ovation for all the entertainment this thread has provided. Look at all the creativity that has come out of it. There are some real masterpieces! You clearly have a sense of humour to create your own original errrm poem. Come back Op!

VioletVaccine · 11/02/2016 16:35

On Mumsnet a woman did say,
Her Crush really brightened her day,
But now we feel feared,
Cos' she's disappeared,
Or did he come round for a play? Wink

memyselfandaye · 11/02/2016 22:04

You would think so wouldn't you deregistered?

Nasty, skank, trampy, really fucking nice way for women to descibe another woman.

As for the hand wringing "won't someone think of the children" poster, I can't be arsed looking for your username, are you on fucking glue? Are the women in your world not allowed to want sex after childbirth? Or shock horror go looking for it? Shock

The poem might be a bad idea but the way some people are describing the OP is fucking shameful.

BitOutOfPractice · 11/02/2016 23:20

The "think of the children" and "nasty skank" poster were one and the delightful same

Toofattorun · 11/02/2016 23:37

It's officially the day of love
So I'm sorry to be so blunt
But I don't need a rose or dove
Just want your beard inside my cunt

memyselfandaye · 11/02/2016 23:43

I love you
I love you
I love you almighty
I wish your pyjamas were next to my nightie.

SmileSmileSmile

Thats what I wrote in the only valentine card I have ever sent. I think I was twelve, the recipient was the school handyman Blush

BillSykesDog · 11/02/2016 23:57

Nasty skank are words that come to mind. You know nothing of poetry.

See, this is the sort of argument I imagine Shakespeare and Marlowe indulging in at 'Ye Olde Nags Head' after they've had a few.

UnderCrackers5 · 12/02/2016 01:12

'ye olde nags head' ??

sexist, animalist, ageist and Shakespearianist all in one sentence.
that's a bullseye.

LittleBeautyBelle · 12/02/2016 02:29

You all are nuts and hypocrites if you think that poem was not absolute garbage. I'm not sexist or against women. The poem itself is objectifying her crush as somebody to just have sex with. Apparently some of you are saying or implying that the words skank and nasty are code words. Believe me, I didn't know that or I wouldn't have raised your ire!

Skanky and nasty mean to me, that this op doesn't have much respect for herself or her crush and the coarse, over the top crude, objectifying language she used reflects that. If a guy wrote it, I would think the same thing. How she goes about describing the body fluids was especially awful and is what made me cringe. She says she ended her relationship with her dp just so she could have a chance to have sex with this guy.

I felt the poem showed a significant lack of self respect, whether the writer was male or female, and a total lack of respect toward the recipient, male or female.

The op feels she has written something that is cute, playful, and sexy. It is clearly atrocious and she acts like she has no clue? She doesn't even have an inkling how grossly inappropriate it is? That makes me question her basic judgement skills especially as a parent. The fact she doesn't realize what's wrong with it is weird.

ChickyChickyParmParm · 12/02/2016 02:36

*I love you
I love you
I love you almighty
I wish your pyjamas were next to my nightie.

Thats what I wrote in the only valentine card I have ever sent. I think I was twelve, the recipient was the school handyman*

That is amazing. Please tell me you grew up to write Hallmark cards for a living, memyselfandaye!

SalemSaberhagen · 12/02/2016 03:26

Ha, I remember that poem memyself! Seen as very risqué back in the day.

memyselfandaye · 12/02/2016 07:33

Littlebeauty Do fuck off. Who are you to say that the OP has no self respect?

You are the weird one, how the fuck do you get no strings sex = bad parent.

Every couple of months I have lots of no strings sex with what I suppose you would call a fuck buddy, hes 15yrs younger than me. I also have a child and I'm a brilliant parent.

Me having a shag, quite suprisingly does not skew my judgement.

My self repect isn't on the floor either.

Confused

Clearly other people, or should that be other women having and wanting casual sex really bothers you for some reason.

I was quite suprised the words wanton and hussey weren't used in your previous post.

ChickyChicky Sadly I can't claim that poem was all my own work. Hallmark's loss is, well, no loss at all really! As I think the OP's poem is fantastic, (best kept in her head and never to be sent, but still fantastic)Grin

wonkylampshade · 12/02/2016 07:46

Littlebeautybelle your posts say a hell of a lot more about you than they do about the OP Shock.

They are truly unpleasant.

SalemSaberhagen · 12/02/2016 07:54

Ignore little, I saw similar offerings from her on a different thread.

LittleLionMansMummy · 12/02/2016 08:27

I was really enjoying this thread until the serious squad arrived.

FairiesAreReal · 12/02/2016 09:13

The poem itself is objectifying her crush as somebody to just have sex with

And? OP clearly states she wants a no-strings attached relationship with this man. She and he flirt/joke about sex all the time. You never know he might like it Wink

Skanky and nasty mean to me, that this op doesn't have much respect for herself or her crush

It was a bit of fun, hence why she put a Grin at the end of her post. I think you should lighten up and find a beard to play with

BillSykesDog · 12/02/2016 09:31

There once was a poster called Belle
Her life was utterly hell
Because she had the humour
Of a huge grade 3 tumour
On a seeping squamous cell

BillSykesDog · 12/02/2016 09:32

Clearly I know nothing of poetry.

Trickydecision · 12/02/2016 09:36

I certainly don't think that no strings sex means bad parent. But I do think the OP looks a bit feckless to have ended her relationship with her DP on the off chance that this bloke might "make a move". She doesn't say whether the XDP was the father of her children, but if he was there does not seem to be much concern for the effect the split might have on them.

Recipient grossed out? Yes he probably would be.

memyselfandaye · 12/02/2016 09:40

I just want the OP to come back and say she just gave him her number and asked if he wants to go out sometime, then a week or two down the line when she's rattled his fillings and sat on his beard she can show him the poem!

Wasn't today his last day?

The poem is funny but I would worry it would maybe come back and haunt her at work.

Please come back and update us Op

Snapespeare · 12/02/2016 09:46

My mum had the pyjamas/nightie poem in an old autograph book, memyselfandaye

I love you
I love you
I love you, almighty.
I wish your pyjamas were next to my nightie,
Oh don't be mistaken!
No, don't be misled,
I mean on the washing line,
Not on the bed.

It lacks the urgency of bits/beard, but the intent is the same (the pyjamas and nightie both needing a good scrub due to dripping with bodily fluids)

memyselfandaye · 12/02/2016 09:50

Snape Thats the one! I can't remember if my 12yr old self put the last four lines in the card I sent.

ILikeUranus · 12/02/2016 10:09

That poem is hilarious, as are all the contributions on the thread - classics!

If I got that poem I'd be quite scared. At best, I'd show everyone in the office and laugh. I asked H and he said he liked it, it definitely wouldn't put him off, he thought it was 'sexy' hahahahahahahahahaha.

LittleLionMansMummy · 12/02/2016 10:12

Whatever happened to merely sealing the envelope with an acronym such as SWALK?!

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