to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

[dahlink]

I have a crush on a colleague. His contract with my employer is due to end of the end of the month (he's a free lancer) and this is the last chance kind of thing.
Background: I have children and no desire for a relationship. He is long term single, no kids. We flirt a bit when we work together, he tends to make silly little innuendoes but I never see him with other women so don't know if it's just his way. I ended my relationship with my ex dp a few months ago, hoping he might make a move but nothing.
So, would it be really inappropriate to send this?! We do joke a lot about sex etc so it wouldn't make him blush. The only thing I worry is that he'll be grossed out because maybe he doesn't find me attractive?
So, here's the poem-it's to go in a jokey card that says, "I have naughty thoughts about you" on the front....

Don't wanna look a fool,
Don't want to make things weird,
But I think it would be cool,
To rub my rude bits on your beard.

Don't wanna make a blunder,
Don't wanna look silly,
But sometimes I wonder,
"Are you flirting with me?"

Don't wanna be your wife,
Or even get to know you,
Don't need you in my life,
I just wanna blow you.

Don't want no wedding rice,
Don't wanna meet your Mum,
But maybe once or twice,
I'd love to make you cum.

Whether you think I'm sexy or not,
I still hope this makes you smile,
Cos it's good to be told you're hot,
Every once in a while.

So if you want to play,
And if I make you hard,
Next time you see me say,
"I really liked your card!"

Is it too much?! And how does it scan?

Hahahahahaha at pointy birds. God Steve Martin I LOVE him.

It's a naughty poem, or rather attempt at a poem,LittleBeauty, not a lullaby.
Children should be safe.

LittleLion you just made me laugh out loud and snort a bit

Crying laughing here, so much that I've had to explain to DH what I'm cackling at, followed by a lengthy description of MN in general.

OP, are you Alan Rickman's trampy secretary from Love Actually? I'd say she does a great line in filthy sex poems.

to send this saucy Valentine poem anonymously?

Well you wouldn't want to put your name to it would you?

Alan Rickman's trampy secretary

Is she the most hated woman on MN?

This is a wind up. There is no way I'm falling for this.

Maybe this is how hallmark do their test marketing now?

Omg...it's just awful.

Beyond awful!

Is it April fools by any chance!

I'd run for the hills!

I have a feeling that the reason the op hasn't posted since suggests she is genuine and now is either upset or feels like a twit.

Op, please do not send something so vile. It's horrible and also makes you look as cheap as many people would feel receiving that.

If I got something like that the sender would be receiving a black eye in return. And not just because I'm female and don't have a beard!

I prefer to imagine that rather than being disheartened, the op sent the poem and has been too busy having it off with the beardy man to reply.

Your poem made you sound a fool,
And made things really weird,
I do not say this to be cruel,
But please keep off my beard!

I was chuckling before but now wheezing at "sit upon thy nob."

Has to be early April Fools Fool's prank....?!

"North is North
South is South
My pervy poem
Made you puke in your mouth"

Cringe fucking cringe.

CrushOnHim GushOnHim
BigBosomSusan
Fancies the Freelance
that works in IT
Soon she'll be snogging him
Enthusiastically
On February the thirtieth
In her nightie

Here's my poem summary.

Your knob.
My gob.
I got inspired.
Now I'm fired.

How can people work like this? Are your other colleagues around when you're discussions about sex are happening. I worked somewhere where a woman was given the flick (no not that way op..) as she was constantly talking about her sex life and that was without involving others from the office.
This is vile.
I'll never get an image of someone wiping themselves on a beard. I will never put myself near a beard again in case it's been wiped on.

Grotesque.

Nasty skank? Bloody hell that a vile. And why "your poor children"? Please explain.

There once was a woman from accounts
On his cock she hoped she could bounce
She sent him a card
Which didn't make him hard
So his beard's not available to mount

'Nasty skank are words that come to mind. You know nothing of poetry.

Have you no sense?

Your poor children.'

What the fuck do her children have to do with this LittleBeautyBelle?

I think she means that when you become a mother you shouldn't want or have sex or express your desire to have sex because that makes you a nasty skank Crystal

Clearly! And if you do have sex it should only be done when the lights are off. And naked sex if filthy, nice mummies just hoik their winceyette nightie up a bit. And until the whole seedy ordeal is over you must occupy your mind with thoughts of the next school bake sale!

Anything else is wanton and skanky.

Come on OP come back - you did ask us if it was too much
This has been the best thread for a long time - it's given us all a really good laugh (apart from the miseries who didn't find it funny).

Please update us - Are you still going to send it? Have you written a new draft? Has he made a pass at Bosomy Susan or rubbed beards with wiry Brian?

'Nasty skank'

See that is why there are people who are told they don't belong on Mumsnet - it's not snobbery, it's because Mumsnet is one of the few places where women won't use this kind of revolting, sexist, shaming language.