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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More of a WWYD - fellow wedding guest wants my dress!

277 replies

TheSeptemberIssue · 08/02/2016 13:14

Went on a hen do last weekend for a friends wedding. There were a few of us there, one being a woman I've met a few times before. She's lovely, we got on great etc....

I mentioned that I'd found the dress I was going to buy for the wedding, and showed it to her online. It's from a plus size website despite me being a size 14 (is that plus size??).

Got a message yesterday from this woman asking if I'd consider changing my dress choice. She is probably a size 22/24 and was saying she finds it really hard to find clothes that fit and look nice on her and she's been feeling really anxious about the wedding because of this. Turns out she's ordered the dress, it fits and she loves it. It was a very nice messaging but I'm still a bit - hmmmmmm because I love it too!

Fortunately I haven't ordered it (was waiting for payday at the end of this month) so I can change my mind but I'm not sure I want to. Just because I'm a smaller size, doesn't mean I don't have similar dress worries and anxiety about looking nice!

WWYD?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
SmellyFartado · 08/02/2016 18:37

Just seen pic, it's a lovely dress and one you could really make ping with accessories. Go for it.

Jimmytaughtmethatone · 08/02/2016 18:40

That's a beautiful dress op. I would gently explain that you're disappointed that she went ahead and ordered without a quick heads up first. I think I would say it once just to get it off my chest.
The weight thing is a red herring-self consciousness is all relative. I've been a self conscious pear shaped size 10 and a self conscious apple shaped size 20 and finding a dress you are comfortable is no different for either size.
As a size 20 it's disappointing to hear so many of you slating the other woman based purely on her weight. I suffer from low self esteem most of the time, and have been laughed at and shouted at by random people because I'm big. However, I'm having a good day today and would like to point out that I do have the capacity to look far better than someone wearing a smaller size. Since when did weight become the only factor in someone's physical beauty?!?!

TheMaddHugger · 08/02/2016 18:42

Really Pretty dress. would you pm me the link to it? I am plus sized Smile

((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) OP

PippaHotamus · 08/02/2016 18:45

It is a lovely dress though I am struggling to imagine it looking right on someone who is a size 22.

You never know though, I guess it depends on your overall shape.

TheMaddHugger · 08/02/2016 18:47

Go ahead and wear the dress OP. a pretty shawl and some jewellery will make all the difference.

tinofbiscuits · 08/02/2016 18:47

A thread like this certainly brings the sizeist comments out! Presumably there are some people here who wear "plus" sizes so how do they feel to read them? Hmm

It's a lovely dress, though personally I wouldn't wear black to a wedding.

I'd say to her "I've already chosen the dress as I said when I showed it to you online. It took me a long time to find it so I'm going to be wearing it. I hope you find something else you like."

TheMaddHugger · 08/02/2016 18:48

Pippa. I am a size 22. that style looks good on me

Jimmytaughtmethatone · 08/02/2016 18:49

Have you been on Joe browns op? I like their dresses. Can't vouch for quality etc as they don't do my size but I've always thought they look gorgeous.
In what way wouldn't it look right, pippa?

Jimmytaughtmethatone · 08/02/2016 18:52

I think we are supposed to look shut whatever we choose, mad Sad
And yes tin, it's crap to read this. Thing is, feeling crap about yourself isn't conducive to caring enough about yourself to look after yourself in order to lose weight. But hey.

Bunbaker · 08/02/2016 18:52

That is a lovely dress. It would suit my pear shape beautifully. Sadly I don't have any weddings to go to.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 08/02/2016 18:53

Oh that dress is gorgeous.

Confused TendonQueen why is it not wedding-y? I'm genuinely keen to know as dress shopping myself and have seriously looked at similar (Ted Baker) and not being that savvy I don't want to get the dress code wrong.

yankeecandle4 · 08/02/2016 18:54

Forgive me for sounding thick but, why can't you both wear the same dress? She's not the bride is she?

^This. I honestly don't get the preciousness and speshful snowflake attitude towards clothes. There are probably hundreds of thousands of those dresses so it isn't as if it is a custom made piece. Assuming there will be more than five people at the wedding no one will even notice if you are both wearing it. I thought it would be the bridal party's dresses that everyone is looking at?

Anyway OP you have been very gracious about the whole thing. If you like the dress then wear it. She doesn't own the design and you had dibs on it first. I'm quite shocked at the audacity of her even asking.

I'm with the other poster who said it is more everyday rather than a wedding (guest) dress, but then I'm not exactly en vogue.

ootsideinbacktaefront · 08/02/2016 18:54

Think this thread is very sad Sad I think she's honest and brave and if you let her wear the dress it would be a really nice thing to do .

Ilovetorrentialrain · 08/02/2016 18:55

OP just to be clear I wouldn't get that particular dress - I love it but have a really,flat chest so the neckline isn't right for me. As dresses go though it's absolutely gorgeous. Get it anyway?

Jimmytaughtmethatone · 08/02/2016 18:56

Thus is pretty, op

More of a WWYD - fellow wedding guest wants my dress!
Trumpton · 08/02/2016 18:57

HOBBS
I don't know how much the original dress is/was but this Hobbs dress rang a bell with me , such a lovely shape .

Floisme · 08/02/2016 18:57

I agree with Bunbaker and all the other posters who cannot see the issue with someone wearing the same dress as you.

Asking you to swap - that, I agree is cheeky.

I would just tell her I had no intention of changing my plans but that I would be happy for her to wear it too.

Lovely dress.

yankeecandle4 · 08/02/2016 18:59

I don't see any bravery, just honesty and cheekiness. If the plus size issue was removed then would people still be sympathizing with her? I am plus size btw.

MissingPanda · 08/02/2016 19:00

Yes, I agree it's a lovely dress. OP if you want to wear it then do so. The world won't end if you both wear the same dress. Just let her know that you will be wearing it and what she wants to do is up to her.

LeaLeander · 08/02/2016 19:01

Love the dress and now that I see it, I am even more inclined to say "who cares if you both are wearing it."

Seated it will just look like two women wearing fairly ordinary black sleeved tops, and unless you are standing next to one another the similarities in the skirt will not be terribly obvious. It's not as if both dresses are electric blue lame or something as eye-catching.

HopeClearwater · 08/02/2016 19:06

That's a lovely dress OP. Buy it and wear it and enjoy it!

Your friend is a cheeky mare. She's no better than those people on Freecycle who send you a sob story about why you should give them your old stuff and not someone else. Plus size? Boo hoo. There are LOADS of plus size dresses about.

Bunbaker · 08/02/2016 19:07

"I'm with the other poster who said it is more everyday rather than a wedding"

There is no way I would class that as an every day dress. But I'm not posh.

"I honestly don't get the preciousness and speshful snowflake attitude towards clothes. There are probably hundreds of thousands of those dresses so it isn't as if it is a custom made piece. Assuming there will be more than five people at the wedding no one will even notice if you are both wearing it."

You have put that better than I have. No-one owns the copyright to that dress, or any outfit.

MustBeThursday · 08/02/2016 19:14

OP, Lindy Bop (lindybop.co.uk, not sure how to put the link in) do several dresses with that sort of neckline and cut (the Lisette dress springs to mind) - they're all vintage style ones if you like that style. I'm a (not comfortable with my shape) size 14ish with most of my weight on my bum and thighs and find quite a lot of their cuts flattering, although most do come up a bit small in my experience. They have lots of wedding guest-y ones. Reasonable prices for the most part too.

That said, if you really like the dress, you don't have to wear a different one. You might feel awkward if you're with her all day though... Smile

Original poster
TheSeptemberIssue · 08/02/2016 19:18

Thanks for the dress recommendation Jimmy - but I ideally wanted something with sleeves. I hate my upper arms and the wedding is in Scotland in February so likely to be quite old. I don't really do pashminas, I always seem to drop them.

OP posts:
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