More of a WWYD - fellow wedding guest wants my dress!

[TheSeptemberIssue]

Went on a hen do last weekend for a friends wedding. There were a few of us there, one being a woman I've met a few times before. She's lovely, we got on great etc....

I mentioned that I'd found the dress I was going to buy for the wedding, and showed it to her online. It's from a plus size website despite me being a size 14 (is that plus size??).

Got a message yesterday from this woman asking if I'd consider changing my dress choice. She is probably a size 22/24 and was saying she finds it really hard to find clothes that fit and look nice on her and she's been feeling really anxious about the wedding because of this. Turns out she's ordered the dress, it fits and she loves it. It was a very nice messaging but I'm still a bit - hmmmmmm because I love it too!

Fortunately I haven't ordered it (was waiting for payday at the end of this month) so I can change my mind but I'm not sure I want to. Just because I'm a smaller size, doesn't mean I don't have similar dress worries and anxiety about looking nice!

WWYD?

Is the dress available in another colour?

Very difficult.

I do think it's a bit rude to just buy it without mentioning it to you though!

I really don't see what the issue is, just wear the same dress. If you both love it then you'll both feel confident and happy. I've never understood why this bothers people.

She will look completely different in it as you are such different sizes.

I don't think you should change your choice, and it's silly of her to ask, IMO

The issue seems to be that this woman wants the OP to wear another dress.

I'm with PPs on the point of it not being about her getting the same dress, it's getting the dress and then asking the OP to change her dress choice. So not only does she nick the dress idea, she then wants to make sure she's the only one wearing it. Cheekier than a cheeky thing. Her size is a red herring.

I would wear what I wanted to wear - this dress or another, but wouldn't change just because the other woman asked. Anyway, it's a wedding, the only dress that matters is the one worn by the bride.

Can you describe the dress bait OP 9just out of interest)

Sleeves? Strapless? Fishtale? Princessy? Lace?

Wow! I'm kind of torn between 'more front than Blackpool' and SO SO BRAVE for her to ask that of you. I've been on both sides of that issue, having food issues from childhood combined with (now) some unfortunately necessary tablets that have made me gain weight and pushed me into 'plus' territory. I'm in the US but in the UK would be, I think, a size 22? I'm an 18 over here, which is definitely plus. Depending on how expensive the shop is, "plus" can start at 16 or 18. Regardless, when you're looking at plus fancy dresses, the selection does go way down, annoyingly so, while simultaneously the prices go up far more than necessary to pay for the "extra fabric" nonsense the labels trot out. If it were me, unless I had the dress in hand and it was nonreturnable, I'd consent to what she was asking and choose a different one. At a size 14 you've got a LOT more selection than a 22.

a bit - not 'bait'

I'm no special snowflake but it would bother me.

If you spend a reasonable amount of money on an outfit for a special occasion then you want to look special. When people remark on your outfit or your appearance, you want it to be because they think you look nice, not because they're doing a Where's Wally's double spot with the lady at table 9.

Plus as I get older I hate any sort of joking or jibes being attached to my appearance and with two ladies wearing the same outfit, as people get drunk there may be some jolly old jibes about it, particularly as there will be a marked comparison between the sizes of the two wearers.

Fair enough if it happened totally by accident, but for someone to steal your idea and then go ahead and buy the damn thing without even checking first - nah, that's a poor show. Oh and btw who knew that being a size 22-24 excuses one from general standards of etiquette, to me that seems even more sizeist than the remarks about who would look better in the dress.

Oops, posted too soon.

The issue seems to be that this woman wants the OP to wear another dress. The OP is unsure whether she would be unreasonable to refuse the request.

Personally, I think the OP should wear what she wants whether it be this dress or a different one. She isn't being unreasonable to go with either option.

"The issue seems to be that this woman wants the OP to wear another dress."

Exactly. If being the only person wearing a dress is important to you, what you do is find your own dress. What you don't do is buy the exact same dress as someone else and ask them to change.

I'd order the dress as planned and if I felt good in it I would wear it. You should both be able to wear something you like and feel good in.
I would not 'let her have it'. I think she was odd and cheeky personally, but either way it wouldn't bother me to be wearing the same dress as someone else.

Ok, I'm posting the dress but don't slate it! I'm not sure I can handle people saying it's awful. It's worth adding that I hold my weight around my bum and thighs so I tend to go for dresses like this - whilst I haven't yet tried it on, I'm pretty sure it'll look OK as its a style I've worn before

Thanks for all the replies, I do appreciate it. I don't feel like she's being malicious, from what I can gather, she ordered a few dresses (including mine) and it just so happened that this one looked lovely on. I get where she's coming from, it's such a relief after looking for ages to find one you like and that actually looks decent on!

So yes, any similar suggestions would be welcome.

It's a pretty dress

So pretty!

I don't think it's the buying the dress so much but asking the OP to change her chosen dress because you've deliberately decided you should wear it instead - pretty rude!

Lovely dress. She admired your good taste.

It's a nice dress and if you try it on and like how it looks I think you should keep it, well I would anyway.

Oops, I've just changed my mind OP. She ordered a few dresses.

I thought this was the only dress, but if she already has a choice then I would say to her that you will be wearing that dress, as you don't have time for shopping.

Wow. I'm on the side of the fence that thinks she's being a cheeky fucker. Am not buying the size and 'poor her' sentiment. If the OP hadn't mentioned size, it would be a different thread.

I'd buy it and would message her back that 'sorry, took me ages to find a dress I liked and I ordered it after showing it to you. I have no issue with you wearing it to the wedding as well though. Will be a wonderful day, am so looking forward to it. See you there'

I know it's flattering but it would irk me enough to buy and wear the damn dress anyway.

That's a lovely dress. I might actually order one myself, I've this wedding coming up soon and you know how hard it is to find something nice to wear...

Kidding! Not about it being a nice dress though.

It's fine.
You could make it look slightly different with a red sash or a pashmina.

If you can I'd wear my hair up, and if she happens to have a similar style, then stylish it down.

She has a nerve- are you both going to the same wedding ?
If so , you showed her the dress you were going to buy and she moved in first , bought it and now expects you not to wear it at the wedding.
VERY CHEEKY.
I'd say - too late I've already bought it also and I intend wearing it as I told you when I showed you the dress.
You've learned a lesson:
There are some cheeky ma**s out there.

It's a really nice dress but I wouldn't see it as very weddingy. On that basis I'd find another for the wedding. You'll have plenty of other chances to wear this one.