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AIBU?

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Original poster

More of a WWYD - fellow wedding guest wants my dress!

277 replies

TheSeptemberIssue · 08/02/2016 13:14

Went on a hen do last weekend for a friends wedding. There were a few of us there, one being a woman I've met a few times before. She's lovely, we got on great etc....

I mentioned that I'd found the dress I was going to buy for the wedding, and showed it to her online. It's from a plus size website despite me being a size 14 (is that plus size??).

Got a message yesterday from this woman asking if I'd consider changing my dress choice. She is probably a size 22/24 and was saying she finds it really hard to find clothes that fit and look nice on her and she's been feeling really anxious about the wedding because of this. Turns out she's ordered the dress, it fits and she loves it. It was a very nice messaging but I'm still a bit - hmmmmmm because I love it too!

Fortunately I haven't ordered it (was waiting for payday at the end of this month) so I can change my mind but I'm not sure I want to. Just because I'm a smaller size, doesn't mean I don't have similar dress worries and anxiety about looking nice!

WWYD?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
rookiemere · 08/02/2016 21:35

Clothes shopping is harder for her, a proper plus size, than for you.

Not really - she just memorised the website of someone elses wedding outfit choice then ordered it. Seems very easy to me.

yankeecandle4 · 08/02/2016 21:48

On a side note OP the wedding is in Feb in Scotland? I would be wanting thermals let alone half sleeves Grin

Floisme · 08/02/2016 22:07

If you wear the same dress, you'll probably look better in it, which would demoralise her.
With all due respect, I don't think that's the op's problem.

Even if the op chooses a different dress there's still a good chance that someone else will be wearing the same one.

Just wear it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/02/2016 22:36

I prefer the black red one that tomato found but I like v neck

Have big boobs and Any other style make them look even more big

BMW6 · 08/02/2016 22:42

I think you should just get it and wear it too. The chances are high that other ladies will be in same dresses, sods law being what it is.

And that dress will look WAY better on you than your copycat. I don't think she is "brave" at all - just astonishingly ill mannered.

IoraRua · 08/02/2016 22:47

If it's a plus size website she could presumably have ordered lots of things on it. It's not like the choice was this one dress or nothing.
If you have time and inclination to pick out (and order) a new dress, do that. If not,wear it anyway.

Lweji · 08/02/2016 22:56

I have one word for you Lweji SCOTLAND. The only people who can cope with one layer are the locals, and on most friday nights I've seen some with no layers ;)

Yes, to be clear, I'd wear both sets of sleeves, plus thermals in february anywhere. :)
Just not sure the OP would want to.

pinkcan · 08/02/2016 22:56

Personally, I'd just let her get the dress and write her off as arrogant, rude and not worth bothering with. I know how hard it can be to get clothes. That does not give her any right whatsoever to steal your choice. Get yourself another dress and forget about her.

I have found that some nasty selfish people actually say everything sweetly and are polite to cover their underlying shitty behaviour.

serin · 08/02/2016 23:18

Oh my word, that's shocking behaviour.

She either has no morals or very limited intelligence.

OP you are a size 14, you will look fab in whatever you choose to wear, whether it's the same dress as her or not.

AdriftOnMemoryBliss · 08/02/2016 23:27

i second (third) Lindybop, i own 3 of their dresses and they're gorgeous and very well made, and VERY flattering!

Floisme · 08/02/2016 23:42

Nasty?
Shocking?
No morals?
Shock

It was very presumptious of her to expect the op to change her choice but that is easily fixed by saying 'No thank you - I'm not going to change but you wear it too if you like.'

I just cannot understand the outrage and I am very particular about what I wear.

whatwhatinthewhatnow · 08/02/2016 23:51

I love that dress OP! Thanks for showing it to me. I've just bought it for work, so if all of you could just NOT buy/wear/look at my new dress, that would be great.

Thanks.

^ Sound ridiculous? That's exactly what the size 24 woman is asking!

TheMaddHugger · 09/02/2016 02:31

Op, If I wear a pashmina or shawl, I use a few well placed but hidden safety pins to hold them in place. Or a very visible fancy Pin.

((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) what are your thoughts now. wear same dress or are you looking for something else now?

I think 'other' lady is more cheeky for asking rather than desperate for something to wear

whatdoIget · 09/02/2016 03:13

Lol at "no morals or low intelligence" She's just a bit cheeky, that's all. Op should still wear the dress Smile

goddessofsmallthings · 09/02/2016 03:14

As it hardly likely to be the only dress on the plus size website that would suit her, I think this woman has a brass nerve to ask you to change your choice because you were fool enough to confide in her what you intended to wear.

I'm therefore adding my voice to those who have advised you to tell her you've bought the dress, removed the tags, and can't return it, and ask what colour shoes and bag she's planning for the day.

As it happens, given the big (no pun intended) difference in your respective sizes, unless it's a particularly garish noticeable print it's unlikely that many or any will notice that you're both wearing the same dress and, if they do, you'll be able to tell the amusing story of how you showed it to x on the hen weekend before buying it for yourself.

Why not namechange post a link to the dress on the Style and Beauty board and see whether the pundits can conjure up a more elegant number that'll put Ms Morefrontthanselfridges' new gladrags to shame without breaking your bank? Smile

whatdoIget · 09/02/2016 03:19

The op has already posted a picture of the dress a few pages back, goddess

whatdoIget · 09/02/2016 03:20

Page 8 at 18.18

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/02/2016 03:33

Well I think she was a bit rude, tbh. Telling you that she'd ordered the dress you were going to buy, and asking you to pick something different - cheek! What if you'd already bought it? Puts you to extra effort, doesn't it.

Anyway, that aside, I think the lindybop dresses are far nicer (and was going to suggest similar) - so get a really nice one of those instead :)

(I wouldn't knowingly wear the same outfit as someone else either, looks odd unless you're in the bridal party)

CatchAPlaneToBarcelona · 09/02/2016 03:46

I would do it. It would be the nice thing to do and show a bit of solidarity. It can be really, really tough when you are quite overweight to dress up and go out feeling confident that you look as good as it's possible to look in the circumstances and her pool of dresses to choose from will be massively limited in the first place. I am nowhere near as overweight as her but Ive had times when I just don't feel good in anything and I'd rather cancel a big event than go out feeling that I look like shit.

I admit I'd be a tad irritated if I were you but speaking as a somewhat overweight woman who has all sorts of angst about stuff like this, I would do it for her like a shot. I know how important it will be to her to go out feeling happy and confident about how she looks.

KimmySchmidtsSmile · 09/02/2016 04:26

First off, I am a size 18/20 with huge saggy boobs.
I can and have found outfits for weddings, even at my largest size 20-22.
She is out of order tbh.
I do like that dress in your photo, but having looked at the website, I think it looks bloody awful on that model. That has nothing to do with plus size models

  1. Fair play to the site for using proper women
  2. The woman in that dress has boobs as big as mine

The dress would suit smaller chest though so you might be doing your friend a favour by telling her you're wearing it. I do apologise if you have big boobs.
If you do, then find a different dress as I am just not seeing how it flatters the more ample in that pic. Sure Susanna Constantine would be Shock and demanding a wrap over. Grin

I could see my DD in it though. But £65 is a bit steep. It is up to you at the end of the day, I would not knowingly wear the same outfit to a venue. I would be surprised if she wore it, knowing you still going to wear yours. But, as I said, you might be doing her a favour.

ProjectGainsborough · 09/02/2016 06:44

I feel the same as you, OP. On the one hand, it is hugely, staggeringly odd, to contact someone you don't know that well and say, 'sorry I've pinched the dress you were planning to wear, can you wear something else, please'. Shock

OTOH, it does betray massive insecurity and I think I'd bow out and tell myself I was being the bigger person. Could you maybe find a gorgeous DVF on eBay?

MsMarvel · 09/02/2016 07:04

If you bought another dress, theres always going to be a chance someone else at the wedding will have the same one. Unless you get custom made dresses, its always going to be a risk.

How would you feel if that happened? So you would be wearing a dress that deep down you knew wasnt your first choice, and still end up in the same dress as someone else.

I would tell friend that you will also be wearing the dress and thank her for the heads up that you'll be in the same one. What she does with that is then up to her.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 09/02/2016 07:33

I'd have no issue with this, it's just a dress with many more on the market for a size 14. I'd rather she felt comfortable on the day as my friend and enjoyed the wedding.

LaContessaDiPlump · 09/02/2016 08:01

So how many of us have bought the famous dress now? I am sorely tempted as I'm a 16/18 and it would be lovely on me Grin

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/02/2016 21:31

what are you going to do op?

when is wedding?

do you have time to find a new dress?