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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More of a WWYD - fellow wedding guest wants my dress!

277 replies

TheSeptemberIssue · 08/02/2016 13:14

Went on a hen do last weekend for a friends wedding. There were a few of us there, one being a woman I've met a few times before. She's lovely, we got on great etc....

I mentioned that I'd found the dress I was going to buy for the wedding, and showed it to her online. It's from a plus size website despite me being a size 14 (is that plus size??).

Got a message yesterday from this woman asking if I'd consider changing my dress choice. She is probably a size 22/24 and was saying she finds it really hard to find clothes that fit and look nice on her and she's been feeling really anxious about the wedding because of this. Turns out she's ordered the dress, it fits and she loves it. It was a very nice messaging but I'm still a bit - hmmmmmm because I love it too!

Fortunately I haven't ordered it (was waiting for payday at the end of this month) so I can change my mind but I'm not sure I want to. Just because I'm a smaller size, doesn't mean I don't have similar dress worries and anxiety about looking nice!

WWYD?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Paintedhandprints · 08/02/2016 13:26

She is very cheeky! But show us a link to the dress.

Baressentials · 08/02/2016 13:26

Wicked But if this women has confided that she was feeling anxious about finding something to wear and has been worried about it why would you want to go out of your way to let other guests that she copied your dress and go out of your way to make sure you looked better than her? Bit cruel and mean I think

Op fair enough if you stick with your dress but don't make her feel awkward about wearing it too.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 08/02/2016 13:26

I actually think she was really rude. Sorry, but it's not you're problem she's too large to fine 'nice clothes' to wear (though I call bull on this, there are clothing companies that cater to larger sizes these days). However, she's gone out of her way to get this dress before even running it past you - so what can you do? If you say no, you will look the bad guy, so I guess it's time to look for another dress. Thank goodness you hadn't already bought it.

Original poster
TheSeptemberIssue · 08/02/2016 13:26

Thanks all - I won't wear the same one. It's got a very distinctive design so there's no way I can change it with a different bag or shoes.

There's enough time for me to find another dress but I did really like that. I haven't even tried it on so it might look awful on me.

I'm tempted to reply that she can wear it and I'll look for something else, like someone else said, it probably took a lot of guts to send that message.

OP posts:
Baressentials · 08/02/2016 13:28

TheSeptember Good for you. I hope you find a dress that you like even more and looks amazing on you.

Baressentials · 08/02/2016 13:29

You could still get the dress and if it suits you save it for another occasion?

Original poster
TheSeptemberIssue · 08/02/2016 13:29

I guess she ordered it on the off chance and when it came, really liked it. I can tell her to send it back but it does seem a bit mean.

OP posts:
shovetheholly · 08/02/2016 13:30

I would use it as a brilliant excuse to treat myself to a brand new, stunning dress I loved - possibly something just a little more expensive than I would normally buy, you know, because I had been so saintly that I had richly deserved a reward Grin. And then keep the other one for another occasion. (Plenty of weddings/parties every summer, no?) Everyone wins!

handslikecowstits · 08/02/2016 13:31

Forgive me for sounding thick but, why can't you both wear the same dress? She's not the bride is she?

ajandjjmum · 08/02/2016 13:33

I think she's very cheeky but that would be a lovely gesture September.

Two guests wore the same outfit for my wedding - one had worn it to another event, and the second saw it and bought it, perhaps assuming the first wouldn't wear it again. I don't know, but 30 years later it still rankles with the first guest.

Bearbehind · 08/02/2016 13:33

Are you saying she ordered the dress after you showed her it?

If so she's a cheeky cow.

Who's wedding is first- yours or hers?

Quoteunquote · 08/02/2016 13:33

Very cheeky, you must come across as an exceptionally kind person for her to of attempted this.

I think because you are obviously kind ( a lot of people would not even consider giving way), you will probably find you are more comfortable being the bigger person(no pun intended).

and next time keep your ideas secret.

LaContessaDiPlump · 08/02/2016 13:34

I'd reply with 'Oh what a shame - I really liked that dress! Never mind - you should go ahead and wear it to X's wedding. I'm sure there will be another occasion I can wear mine to! '

I sympathise with her but she's taken the piss somewhat.

Mag314 · 08/02/2016 13:35

I would, because I'd feel so embarrassed for her that it would look so much better on me!

Wine
ZenNudist · 08/02/2016 13:35

No that's really cheeky. It's not that hard to find a dress and she stole your idea.

Text back: "great idea!!! We can be dress twins!!! Yay! Ok I will let you know nearer the time what shoes and bag I will be wearing so you can buy those too. What do you reckon we should do with our hair? Up or down???!!!😄😄😄😄"

Could always follow up with : "not really, seriously dude send it back, that's not on."

Presumably you will look better than her if she is much larger.

Baressentials · 08/02/2016 13:35

To be fair to the woman, the op (who does sound lovely) hadn't even tried on the dress yet nor ordered it yet.

Isn't is for a mutual friends wedding? As in not a Wedding Dress for their own wedding?

GloGirl · 08/02/2016 13:36

September you sound like a lovely person Flowers

She's definitely a cheeky bitch, but I understand the struggle to find clothes I feel comfortable in and I think she is trying her best by messaging you telling you her thought processes.

LadyPriggsbottom · 08/02/2016 13:36

It is a bit of an unusual thing for her to do tbh. Though I agree you probably do have a little more choice as a size 14.

If it was a nice text as you say it was, I'd probably be inclined to find something else (I'm a 14/16). I wouldn't insist on wearing it just because I saw it first.

Though if you really want the dress, you could just order it and see if it suits you. It might be horrible on. If you love it then there's nothing all that wrong with wearing the same thing is there? If that happens you could send a nice text back saying "oh I've just tried it on and I love it. Do you mind if we wear the same thing?"

GoringBit · 08/02/2016 13:36

I think you're showing great generosity of spirit, September. I wouldn't say that you should look for another dress, but it sounds like you'd feel bad if you insisted on wearing the one in question.

Baressentials · 08/02/2016 13:36

Presumably you will look better than her if she is much larger

Really? That is what MN is reduced to these days?

Pigeonpost · 08/02/2016 13:37

Eh? That's a bloody weird way for her to behave. Find yourself a nicer and completely different dress. It's not really a case of 'letting her have it' though and she's got it already. It's not as if it's one dress you are fighting over (which is what I thought from your thread title). I've been to weddings before where more than one person is wearing the same Coast/Karen Millen dress etc. It happens.

LadyPriggsbottom · 08/02/2016 13:38

X post OP! Slooow typer Smile.

rogueantimatter · 08/02/2016 13:38

Aww poor you. What a shame to have to change your dress. What a shame that the other lady is so anxious too. I feel for you both!

You'll probably find something even nicer and you'll enjoy a warm glow of kindness at letting your new friend wear 'your' dress. You must come across as a lovely person before she had the nerve confidence to ask this favour of you.

HairySubject · 08/02/2016 13:38

I would be pretty annoyed but I would find another dress. It is either that or both wear it.

Can you show us the dress and we might be able to help you find something you will love?

museumum · 08/02/2016 13:40

I think it's very kind of you to let her wear it. She was probably so excited that you showed her a plus sized website she hadn't known before, she DOES have more issues finding things to fit than you at a size 14 even if mentally you might feel the same worries, practically you DO have more options.

I'm guessing it doesn't come in different colours? I'd be happy to wear a different colour of the same dress as another guest, with different accessories. Afterall, you're only wedding guests, not the bride.