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AIBU?

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Original poster

More of a WWYD - fellow wedding guest wants my dress!

277 replies

TheSeptemberIssue · 08/02/2016 13:14

Went on a hen do last weekend for a friends wedding. There were a few of us there, one being a woman I've met a few times before. She's lovely, we got on great etc....

I mentioned that I'd found the dress I was going to buy for the wedding, and showed it to her online. It's from a plus size website despite me being a size 14 (is that plus size??).

Got a message yesterday from this woman asking if I'd consider changing my dress choice. She is probably a size 22/24 and was saying she finds it really hard to find clothes that fit and look nice on her and she's been feeling really anxious about the wedding because of this. Turns out she's ordered the dress, it fits and she loves it. It was a very nice messaging but I'm still a bit - hmmmmmm because I love it too!

Fortunately I haven't ordered it (was waiting for payday at the end of this month) so I can change my mind but I'm not sure I want to. Just because I'm a smaller size, doesn't mean I don't have similar dress worries and anxiety about looking nice!

WWYD?

OP posts:
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5
HoggleHoggle · 08/02/2016 13:40

I think she's been outrageously cheeky! That being said, if she's got it and loves it, and you haven't tried yours on yet, I would let her have it. I'm sure you'll find something lovely.

I agree with contessa's reply though - polite but with just a hint of wtf?!

chicaguapa · 08/02/2016 13:40

OP you sound like a very nice person. It's a jolly good thing there are people like you in the world. Some of the replies on this thread are very Hmm and Sad.

HanYOLO · 08/02/2016 13:40

she's totally cheeky but I kind of understand how she might be feeling

but more to the point you don't want to end up both wearing the same dress to the wedding like weird-not-bridesmaids (though of course it's always a risk you run)

find something else and feel extra especially gracious and benevolent. tell her she looks amazing in it and treat yourself to a nice fuzzy feeling. not because you should but because its a chance to do something nice for someone

Sweetsweetjane · 08/02/2016 13:41

What a spoilt woman!

Aeroflotgirl · 08/02/2016 13:41

I would keep that dress in mind, and look for others, if you don't see any, buy it and wear it. You found it first.

FinallyHere · 08/02/2016 13:41

Treat yourself to something unique. www.aliceandco.com

Put an end to those what shall wear worries once and for all. It was, and is, magic for me, to have a dress that really works for me, no matter what size i am. I tend to wear the things i get from Alice over and over again, i love them so, so justify them on the basis of cost per wear. Its not having to worry that is the best bit, though.

Hope you find something that you love, to wear. Its very generous of you to let the other person 'have' that dress.

WickedWax · 08/02/2016 13:42

Yes show us a link to the dress and we can see if it'll go nicely with her brass neck.

helenahandbag · 08/02/2016 13:43

I'd be really pissed off and, in fact, my friend did this to me. We worked in the same office, I emailed her the link to a dress I'd bought for an event we were both going to and she started gushing about how much she loved it, then got her bank card out there and then to order it. In front of me! She then asked if she could wear it too? ShockConfused

I said no because I'm a hard faced cow Grin

Thethingswedoforlove · 08/02/2016 13:43

I would look for another dress but if I didn't find anything I really liked I wd get the original one

PouletDePrintemps · 08/02/2016 13:44

One thing to ask if you could let her know if you decide not to buy the dress as she really likes it. But to say 'I've bought the dress you had picked out so please find something else as dress shopping is difficult for me' is bad form.

I am sure you will find another dress that you love OP, but I would feel a bit miffed at being put in your position.

tomatodizzy · 08/02/2016 13:46

I would send her a message saying that you're really sorry she struggled to find something to wear but it took you ages to find that dress and you don't have much time to find something else to wear now so you may actually have to go to the wedding in the dress as well, wasn't there a similar dress in a different pattern that she could have tried instead and could she not try something else by the same company? She was a bit of a twonk to get the EXACT same dress!

Look on the bright side, if you do go in the same dress she'll have to avoid you for the whole day :)

HanYOLO · 08/02/2016 13:46

also can you link to the dress? Grin
just so we know?

TheNoodlesIncident · 08/02/2016 13:46

I don't think I could actually make myself unkind enough to make a big deal of it like that. There are thousands of dresses available in the world - why be so mean to another person like that?!

Honestly, I couldn't even think it "cheeky" - she really humbled herself to ask this favour, why on earth would anyone want to grind her face in her difficulty any more?

Find another dress OP, then you can both be happy with your choices. Flowers

blindsider · 08/02/2016 13:46

It's a bit of a shabby thing to do how you deal with it depends on you. I once delivered my Best Mans speech to the Grooms brother (at his request) before the big day I agreed as I was interested to check it was OK. On the day he asked to say a few words, the groom asked me what I thought to which I replied "its your day do whatever you want" BIG MISTAKE the bastard had nicked half my speech. :-(

Bearbehind · 08/02/2016 13:48

Totally misunderstood this! I thought it was a wedding dress not a dress for a wedding! Blush

She's still a cheeky cow but I wouldn't want to wear the same dress as someone else at the same wedding.

If you let her 'have' it I'm I'm sure you'll find something better and it would be a nice thing to do- it's just a shame you've been put in this position.

Lurkedforever1 · 08/02/2016 13:48

I think she's incredibly rude and knows full well that by ordering it she's put you in a position you'll find it hard to say no to her request. On that basis I'd say no on principle.

If she'd asked you at the time, before ordering then I'd say let her wear it if you have other options.

I say that as someone whose height and size at the other end of the scale make it very difficult to find a dress that even fits properly, let alone one that I really like. I wouldn't dream of trying to pressure someone into letting me have a dress they'd already chose.

Aworldofmyown · 08/02/2016 13:49

I would have to reply that you are a bit pissed off but you've thought about it and as she loves it you will look for something else.

She was a bit naughty but its done now.

MyKingdomForBrie · 08/02/2016 13:50

She did what?!? Eish that was a bit mean of her I think.

I would get something different to be nice but I do actually think that was quite unkind of her.

comingintomyown · 08/02/2016 13:51

She's perfectly within her rights to order the same dress and it sounds like she asked you very nicely too, yes it's a bit odd but I get her lack of body confidence.

You sound very nice OP and I hope you find another lovely dress to wear and I'm sure she will be very grateful

witsender · 08/02/2016 13:52

I'd prob wear it. It will look very different on the two of you.

LovelyFriend · 08/02/2016 13:52

I do have sympathy for both of you but that is bloody bad form on her part.

I'd reply with "how cool, we will look like twins on the day!".

and then I'd find another dress.

MatildaTheCat · 08/02/2016 13:52

OP, let her wear the dress and you are the bigger person Grin. In kindness, obviously. I can't help but feel she must have either been feeling really desperate or else misunderstood you as in "I saw this lovely dress online, what do you think?" Rather than, " here's the dress I'm going to wear."

You say she's lovely and she sent a really nice message. Would be a daft thing to fall out over and possibly spoil the wedding for both of you.

Happy dress hunting.

ridemesideways · 08/02/2016 13:53

Did you say:

A: Ooh, look at this dress, that'd be a lovely thing to wear to a wedding

Or

B: Here's a pic of the dress I'm wearing

If A, then she's not been as cheeky as B

mintoil · 08/02/2016 13:55

I would tell her I was still wearing the same dress, but I would actually wear something else.

I think what she did is really cheeky and rude.

SanityAssassin · 08/02/2016 13:56

She is very cheeky.

Buy it and wear it - it's going to look a damn sight better on you than her anyway if the sizes you say are correct,

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