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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my friend should be working?

257 replies

Louboutin37 · 07/02/2016 13:02

I'll give you the scenario. Mate is divorced, single mum to 2 kids. Maintenance all agreed and pretty generous with her ex, youngest child is 12.

We were chatting the other day and I mentioned to her that she must be excited about going back to work full time soon. (She works 2 days a week at the mo and claims tax credits)

She replied with "but I can't go back to work, I'm a single mum and the state recognises that I need to be at home to support my babies".

AIBU to think that she doesn't have babies and in her situation should be thinking about getting back to work by now? She seems to think that as she doesn't see herself as in benefits then there's no issue.

PS, this isn't a benefits slating at all.

OP posts:
3WiseWomen · 07/02/2016 14:52

I don't think that IF she can work more hours wo undue strain, then it's ok for her to choose not and rely on the tax credit instead.
More importantly, I think it's absolutely crazy for her to do that as her children aren't little anymore which means she is fast approaching the time when there will be no maintenance money, ie money for the children not for herself.
How is she going to be able to afford to live decently if she doesn't
think ahead?

Yes atm she is working part time, better than not working at all but will it enough to survive when her dcs aren't there?

And yes as a parent you want to 'be there' for your dcs. However there are situations where you can't. It's crap, it's hard but that's also part of life.

LastTripToTulsa · 07/02/2016 14:55

Anniegetyourgun.... Spot on lol

WorraLiberty · 07/02/2016 14:55

And actually the OP wrote the post that Ghosty linked to, just 2 months into the relationship.

3WiseWomen · 07/02/2016 14:57

Anf btw, why is it that she can't possibly be keen on going back to work full time?

I would love to be able to do so if I could!

Birdsgottafly · 07/02/2016 14:58

""personally don't think it should be an option to work part-time and claim tax credits when your children are over a certain age.""

The problem is, in some regions that would mean that we have parents, especially lone parents, who are over stressed and the rest of the population, unemployed.

Most people have at least 15 years of working life left, but when their children reach their teens and working part time would allow them to go full time, unlike someone who has been unemployed for over 10 years.

i totally agree with one parent being as available as they can, when a relationship with that child's other parent, ends.

This is all about the OP wanting her new fellas CM cut. Living with another Woman's children is most definitely a lifestyle choice that can be avoided.

As is getting with a Man who has NR children.

OP, if it's not about that, what do you want your newly freed taxes to be spent on?

willconcern · 07/02/2016 14:59

I find my DCs need me just as much now they are older. Although they need less "supervision", and are at school, teenagers need emotional input and time. They need help with work, support in deciding what to do with their lives, taking to clubs etc. etc. etc.

My mate works FT and is a single parent. She is permanently exhausted.

Leave your friend alone and stop judging her.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 07/02/2016 15:05

Oh dear...busted, OP.

Just a thought about taxes. I'm a single mother with three kids. I work part-time but do pay taxes. Any way my taxes can go towards this woman?

Can we start a fund for her?

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 07/02/2016 15:10

I reckon that if it was your friend posting asking if she's being unreasonable working part time when she has a 12 year old she would be told by many people yes she is, and the benefit bashers would tell her that it's them subsidising her.

Personally I think each to their own. I don't think she's doing anything wrong and I don't think she'd be doing anything wrong working full time either.

People should just concentrate on their own lives.

Lurkedforever1 · 07/02/2016 15:12

Loving the 'my taxes' bollocks being spouted. Shall we all have a bitch fest about anyone we know not working long hours whilst also using publicly funded services like the nhs and state education? Either everyone on this thread banging on about their taxes is in a very highly paid job and has never in their entire life used any public service, or they are too stupid to see their own hypocrisy.

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 07/02/2016 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Orda1 · 07/02/2016 15:16

My general opinion is that if you can support yourself (I.e. Partner working, savings) without claiming benefits then fine.

If you can't and are 'choosing' to claim benefits as an easy option then frankly I disagree.

NanaNina · 07/02/2016 15:18

I haven't read the whole thread but am astonished at the vitriol that has been dished out to the OP - hell hath no fury like someone annoying mumsnetters!

I'm a bit confused, because she wouldn't be able to claim anything from the DWP given that she is working 2 days a week and getting maintenance too. You have to be pretty much destitute to claim anything now and once a child is 5, the parent has to come off income support and go on to JSA (about £70 a week) So claiming benefits isn't an issue.

Must confess I don't know about eligibility for CTC but there will certainly be strict criteria. She will also get Child Benefit. SO what's the issue - or am I missing something.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 07/02/2016 15:19

"My taxes"Hmm

People are so pompous and arrogant.

ivykaty44 · 07/02/2016 15:24

I wonder op do you take issue with cooperation tax loop holes or MP's expensises for breakfast being set at £39 per morning.

ivykaty44 · 07/02/2016 15:25

Nananina you are widely of the mark in your assumptions

NanaNina · 07/02/2016 15:27

Lurkedforever you are so right...........

ItsJustaUsername · 07/02/2016 15:27

The whole tax credits argument is seriously flawed. My SAHM friend not in receipt of tax credits with 5 dc with multiple health issues and in state education costs the tax payer way more than a LP with 2 kids working p/t. Many couples with multiple dc and a SAHP cost 'the taxpayer' more than most LP's but they don't get bashed in the same way LP's do. Tax credits are pocket money compared to the cost of healthcare and education.

Anyway to answer your question OP
AIBU to think my bf's ex friend should be working?

Yes because she is working.

ItWillWash · 07/02/2016 15:28

My taxes go towards paying MP's salaries and expenses and funding wars that I categorically disagree with and bailing out bankers Sad

I'd happily choose to stop paying for those in favour of giving more to single parents, the disabled, the NHS, education etc

Sunbeam1112 · 07/02/2016 15:30

People are being vitrol because OP has been deceitful in her post. People have clicked on to her previous posts with the same subject matter but she can conciled her identity as a 'friend' when she is the womans exhusband missus. Its not her bussiness how this lady conducts her life and certainly isn't her exhusband latest partner.

Muskateersmummy · 07/02/2016 15:30

ivykaty ... Is it not possibly to take issue with both ends of the spectrum? Personally I take issue with both the things you mention, and with people choosing to work less hours, because they can get a top up from the government. Maybe if both issues were resolved we might all pay a bit less or have more/better services.

Sunbeam1112 · 07/02/2016 15:32

Also by changing her indentify OP failed to achieve the responses OP wanted to hear in the first place as they are the same as previous thread.

coffeeisnectar · 07/02/2016 15:39

Haha, busted op.

ItsJustaUsername · 07/02/2016 15:39

Maybe if both issues were resolved we might all pay a bit less or have more/better services.

Hahaha yes I'm sure if tax credits were cut the government would spend the money improving public services and absolutely not give theirselves massive payrises, oh wait they already did.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 07/02/2016 15:40

Just to point out that my comment on the 'my taxes' thing was taking the piss out if the pompous 'my taxes' people!

I don't want to be lumped in with benefits bashes - I claim them myself!

bearleftmonkeyright · 07/02/2016 15:41

Why is it that the people who have no idea about tax credits have the most to say about them. There is no strict criteria for tax credits, its based on income.

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