To think that my friend should be working?

[Louboutin37]

I'll give you the scenario. Mate is divorced, single mum to 2 kids. Maintenance all agreed and pretty generous with her ex, youngest child is 12.

We were chatting the other day and I mentioned to her that she must be excited about going back to work full time soon. (She works 2 days a week at the mo and claims tax credits)

She replied with "but I can't go back to work, I'm a single mum and the state recognises that I need to be at home to support my babies".

AIBU to think that she doesn't have babies and in her situation should be thinking about getting back to work by now? She seems to think that as she doesn't see herself as in benefits then there's no issue.

PS, this isn't a benefits slating at all.

Why is being a mum such a devalued occupation?
I have worked part time and brought up my dds for 18 years, DD is now 17 and I have worked bloody hard to be two parents and an excellent employee.

I have had unpaid leave when dd2 had swine flu - as work didn't want me to go in. I have covered other sick days, inset days, snow days, by juggling with friends and family. Kept annual leave back to use for sick days for dc.

I have done after school activities, Saturdays and Sundays drvibg round the country for sports, homework, all the gardening, and normal stuff everyone does.

I am though thought of as lazy for not having a full time job outside the home.

I have though brought two dds up who are lovely members of society, both working and both paying rent for their keep. Oh I read the threads should I charge little johnny rent, oh to have a choice my dds are responsible sensible adults who know they should work, know that woman should never rely on a man for money and two members of society that we can be proud of.

But I'm seen as lazy for doing the job of two parents and only working outside the home part time.

Ffs get a life op then you won't have so much time on your hands to worry about other people's laziness

Do you work full time OP ?

The thing that people with a one-track benefit-bashing mind fail to understand is that she is putting her dc first. She is trying to maintain their lifestyle pre-divorce. They have just witnessed their parents splitting up. Suddenly, Dad isn't around so much, and Mum has to work FT now - or small-minded eejits start banging on about 'lifestyle choices' and taxpayers money.

What that leaves is a sudden change of lifestyle for the children here - who used to have dad at home every night, and mum at home, say 5 nights a week. It's beneficial for children to have as stable and similar a lifestyle as possible after a divorce - and that's clearly what she's going for.

The DWP is welcome to the (considerable) taxes my DH pays (yes! I'm a sahm as a lifestyle choice - but you won't worry about that as we don't get any benefits!) to go towards tax credits, and we'll abstain from funding the bombing of Syria.

Sorry it all annoys you so much. Chin up, eh?

Yabu. You have no idea how gruelling (mentally and physically) it is being a lp.

I'm a total lp and work 3 days a week. I also cost the nhs a lot because I'm wearing out, which I wouldn't be if I didn't have to work.

Gagging to get back to work so some other people can spend more time with her kids than she can?

Are you projecting your own feelings onto her OP?

Someone referred to pensioners up thread - how on earth are these two positions the same?

And all those people taking this personally even though they're in a completely different position with a working husband and a much younger child - do you really think the OP is referring to you? It's not all about you!

Gagging to get back to "it".
Jeeeeeeez I don't think anyone is that bored. I mean loving and enjoying your job is one thing. Gagging to get there is quite another

I do work full time. Yes

And do you 'gag' to work full time OP?

do you have children?

I love my job. never not worked since 15 so it's an alien concept not wanting to contribute as much as possible.

Contribute to what?

I absolutely love my job but I don't think it gives me the right to sit in judgement on other people.

Do you understand that some people find sending their kids to be looked after by other people, to be an alien concept?

Especially when like your 'friend', they can have the best of both worlds?

Op you failed to answer my question. How many hours does she work in those two days?

oh I get it now - this is about your DH's ex wife - who works 2.5 days a week and sits in a big house while your DH is skint

at least be honest OP

Interestingly though, recently the ex who sits in her huge house with no real need or desire to work full time to provide for her children has called for a CSA review. My partner was livid and I told him I would be embarassed if I was in her shoes. She's an educated woman, with every capability to work full time and set a good example to her children and instead she has naively thought that she can get her hands on more money for nothing because I've appeared in the past 18 months

I wont bother engaging anymore - this thread is devious

sorry to be so underhand MN but it was obvious there was an agenda here

As a taxpayer I'm pretty horrified that we are funding a lifestyle for her, YANBU. Roll on Universal Credit.

Full time jobs - loads of them around here, I am offering several well paid posts at teh moment but struggle to get anyone asking after them, they all want 16 hours.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/a2467571-What-does-should-maintenance-cover#56602913

in the interest of openness

ghosty interesting...

"As I taxpayer..."

Really? You are aware we ALL pay tax, right?

I only work 3 days a week. My youngest is nearly 15yo.

But I don't claim benefits, is that therefore Ok with you OP?

Or should I start getting excited about full time work?

Funnily enough im more excited about having a good work life balance. I could work full time if I wanted or needed to. But it's far better Imho to wrk part time.

OP I'll go against the grain and say yes. We shouldn't have to subsidise your friend just because she's a single mother and has children. If she needs help it should be there for her absolutely. But not as a lifestyle choice i.e. being able to be at home with her dc because she wants to be.

This. Flame away. People who are well enough to work X hours a week, should do so, and shouldn't receive wtc as an incentive not to do so. Yes, this is benefits slating. Cry me a 35 hour a week river.

Also, MN is full of people having opinions about things that don't directly concern them as is the rest of the internet. So the whole "keep your beak out" / "mind your own business" thing really doesn't cut it. There's no reason OP can't raise this here IMO.

Well well well who'dave thunk it