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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my friend should be working?

257 replies

Louboutin37 · 07/02/2016 13:02

I'll give you the scenario. Mate is divorced, single mum to 2 kids. Maintenance all agreed and pretty generous with her ex, youngest child is 12.

We were chatting the other day and I mentioned to her that she must be excited about going back to work full time soon. (She works 2 days a week at the mo and claims tax credits)

She replied with "but I can't go back to work, I'm a single mum and the state recognises that I need to be at home to support my babies".

AIBU to think that she doesn't have babies and in her situation should be thinking about getting back to work by now? She seems to think that as she doesn't see herself as in benefits then there's no issue.

PS, this isn't a benefits slating at all.

OP posts:
ItWillWash · 07/02/2016 13:34

I don't think being a single parent is a lifestyle choice. People don't often chose for their relationships to break down and to be left alone to raise children with little to no support.

usual · 07/02/2016 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TurnOffTheTv · 07/02/2016 13:35

Maybe she just doesn't want to work full time even though she is capable? I don't work and I'm not planning on getting a job anytime soon.

Gunting · 07/02/2016 13:35

Erm.... Really?

The reply from her sounds odd... No one actually talks like that. Either you're hamming it up or it didn't happen.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 07/02/2016 13:36

So it is benefits bashing then.

With a bit of Envy and friend-slating thrown in for good measure. Nice.

Original poster
Louboutin37 · 07/02/2016 13:36

I didn't suggest for one second that being a single mum was a lifestyle choice. Not working is the lifestyle choice

OP posts:
TurnOffTheTv · 07/02/2016 13:36

And what is she going to do with the children 5 days a week in the holidays? It's very hard to find childcare for a 12yo.

PalmerViolet · 07/02/2016 13:36

PS, this isn't a benefits slating at all.

Or is it unreasonable for me to not appreciate that she chooses not to and expects the taxpayer to enable her lifestyle choice?

Right-oh OP.

Shame you didn't have the ovaries to just come and and tell your poor friend that you think she's a drain on society. Bet you're a hoot at parties when you tell pensioners the same thing.

YABmoreUthanmost

WorraLiberty · 07/02/2016 13:38

God I'd hate to hear you talk about your enemies, if this is how you talk about your 'friend'.

Anniegetyourgun · 07/02/2016 13:38

By working for two days a week this woman is freeing up three days' worth of employment for someone else who may also find it very handy to work part time, instead of flogging her guts out for five days a week while some other poor soul is desperately hunting for work. I note she is partially enabled by generous maintenance from the children's other parent. That's good - isn't it?

DrDreReturns · 07/02/2016 13:38

Very strange - she already works, perhaps she has an adequate income with her current hours and doesn't want to work any more? If I had the choice I'd only work as much as I have to.

lazyarse123 · 07/02/2016 13:38

I agree with you op, as unpopular as that may be. She is accessing taxpayers money to enable her to work part time. Possibly i am jealous as in the past i have had 3 part time jobs and dh working full time just to make ends meet and i have 3 children. Doesn't make it right for her to sit on her arse 5 days a week.

Purplerain067 · 07/02/2016 13:39

Why should she?

You sound like an awful friend. I am a non working student, my partner has a full time job, we live a comfortable life. I really hope my "friends" don't say things like this behind my back.

Muskateersmummy · 07/02/2016 13:39

I'm with you OP, sorry I don't understand why, if you are able to work, my taxes should have to top up your income so that you can work less. That seems very unfair that many people would like to work less hours, but they don't because they can't afford to, and they don't expect the tax payer to pick up the bill.

Work whatever hours you like, I don't care but do it within your means, don't expect others to pay your way.

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/02/2016 13:39

She probably said what she said to wind you up, your comment was extremely passive aggressive. Was likely thinking "fucking wind your neck in".

ItWillWash · 07/02/2016 13:41

But she is working and working fulltime as a single parent to children too old for childcare and too young to be unsupervised all day is almost impossible.

I have it easier than some, my boss is a single parent herself and lets me use her shop floor as a drop off/pick up point for DC1 when she wants to go somewhere with friends, but it's still not easy to arrange. I often have to say no or rely on other mums to drop her off at the other side of town.

usual · 07/02/2016 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 07/02/2016 13:42

But OP you haven't answered: who is going to be taking care of her children when she is working full time? I wouldn't leave my 12 year old alone all day, 5 days a week in the holidays. Or every day at home, after school, potentially 3.30-7pm? (Depending on work commute time etc)

I don't think she necessarily is in a situation where she has adequate childcare to work full time...?

When I was at secondary school very few of my friends parents both worked full time...

IHaveBrilloHair · 07/02/2016 13:44

I think my teen needs me more now than she ever did when she was little

MuttonDressedAsMutton · 07/02/2016 13:44

"Or is it unreasonable for me to not appreciate that she chooses not to and expects the taxpayer to enable her lifestyle choice?"

Ah. There it is. So this IS a benefit bashing thread, poorly disguised as a stickybeaked crap friend thread. Why weren't you just honest at the start?

No matter anyway - you're still what you are and I'm glad you're not my 'friend'.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 07/02/2016 13:44

It's not your business. Keep your snout out.
You had no place to say. You must be excited about getting back to work. What gives you the authority to dictate and predict people's feelings. Take your little kid blinkers. They do actually need you more as teens/pre teens. Every mother is a working mother. It's a personal choice.

Original poster
Louboutin37 · 07/02/2016 13:46

Glad to see that a small few agree with my thoughts on this. The flaming can continue from others.

Just to be clear on this, I left my judgemental comments in my head after asking the question. And she does have childcare on standby so there are no reasons for her not to. The issue is the choice.

But I appreciate that for some there is no choice. And that's why I'm saying this isn't a post to dig at benefit claimants.

OP posts:
usual · 07/02/2016 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 07/02/2016 13:47

If the youngest is 12, none of this will be a problem in a few years.

Then you'll have to find something else to stick your passive aggressive beak into.

SauvignonBlanche · 07/02/2016 13:47

I'd like to work 2 days a week but as sure as hell wouldn't like to be a single parent. Hmm

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