Dog shit on your shoes is your own problem?

[JustAnotherYellowBelly]

Hoping you ladies will help strengthen my resolve...
Bit of background:
Moved back in with DM at the end of last year in lots of debt no necessarily of my making (twatty ex). Me, 2 DDogs.
'D'p stays over roughly 6 out of 7 nights, pays no rent etc. I feed him, buy him stuff, pay for fuel (last week his £10 petrol cost me £50 as the bank ate his money - I didn't moan as he's on a 0 hours contract but he hasn't paid me back like he said he would... But anyway)
This morning DM thought that DDDog had a mouse so she called DP to go check. On his way to the end of the garden he stepped in dog poo. He came back to bed and told me I would be the one cleaning it off his shoe as they're my dogs.
I was still half asleep and laughed and said fuck off. I would never ever usually speak to him like this but he woke me up.
AIBU to not do it? They're his trainers. If they were his work shoes I would help him (which means I would end up doing it).
So who's BU?

You fall for his charms? Yes, he sounds charming

If, when you tell him it's over, he tries that whole it's a joke and you're being unreasonable thing, keep saying "No" and "I don't want to be with you any more". If he presses you, just say "I don't want to". Honestly, he sounds like such a muppet that I don't think it's worth exhausting yourself explaining it to him.

Your problem isn't shit on shoes.
Your problem is the Shit in your life.

There is no legal reason why you can't change the locks. It's not his house, he has no financial interest in it (apart from the fact that he gets waited on had and foot, pays nothing and gets given pocket money)

Why do you think that you HAVE to put up with crap from men in general?
Are you happy the way you are treated by this person?
By your own admssion he is not nice, you pay for his upkeep ( really??) , your dog wets himself because of his shouting. Are you waiting for it to become a lot worse before you're ready to tell him to fuck off? Please save yourself some further agony and get rid.

Your Mum is right. Why the hell do you need a man who puts his foot down? Clarence is right. We're all right.

Get rid of him and make him know that this is final. It's not a joke, and a week of buttering you up won't swing it this time.

Honestly OP, you're better off alone with your Mum and working on your self esteem and your debt issues. You've jumped out of the frying pan into another frying pan.

Puts his foot down? He isnt your father! You arent a child! He is a bully. He isnt charming. Saying youre unreasonable isnt charming. You have no ties to this man. Pack his stuff, stick it outside and lock the door. Block his number.

You bag up his shit when he's at his mother's. You take it round and dump it on her doorstep. You text him, 'This is over. I don't want this relationship anymore. It doesn't work for me. Don't contact me again.' That's what you do.

He puts his foot down? You think any person would be glad their child took up with a total twat like this? I wouldn't be glad if my child took up with someone like this but then, I wouldn't have him in my house.

He makes your dogs piss themselves. WTF? Poor dogs.

He lives at your mum's rent free.

What a complete loser.

PLEASE WILL WOMEN STOP LETTING THEMSELVES BE TREATED LIKE SHIT BY A TOTAL TWAT

He doesn't love you. He isn't nice to you. You deserve better. Being alone is better than being treated like shit. This is a terrible model to show to your own DCs.

FFS posts after posts on MN by women in these god awful disrespectful relationships.

Can't you see that " charms" are no substitute for being loved, respected and cared for? You are hugely lucky in that you have a supportive Mum and a place to stay and no kids to factor into the equation.

You don't have to throw him out aggressively you know. All you need to say is " This relationship isn't right for me any more and I want us to split up." Then you stand firm. You do not owe him an explanation. You do NOT have to justify yourself. Just be calm and consistent. And go to the police if you feel you are in physical danger.

People break up all the time, sometimes when the other person has done absolutely nothing wrong. It's allowed!

Clearly your self-esteem has taken a right bashing. Take a leaf out of your brave Mum's book. You do not need a boyfriend to be happy.

Do you really want to be with a man who you think "puts his foot down"?
Now I'm not a pet lover but I feel sory for your dogs. They don't deserve to be shouted at. Why do you put up with this? You don't have to.

Two words: FREEDOM PROGRAM

Listen, relationships are not supposed to be an endurance test. Just because you or your Mum has worse ones before, doesn't mean this one is ok.

He's a parasite. A cocklodger, and you're wasting your precious young years on him. And your imposing him on your Mother. For no reason, other than you're sleepwalking along without any thought. You need to make choices for yourself. No one else is going to do it for you.

The guy is mistreating you get rid of him. Make the decision and follow through.

Start taking control of your own life, don't passively let it just happen to you.

Judging by your description of how trying to dump him goes, you are handling it in an odd way. For him to answer 'It was a joke' you must be giving one example of tatty behaviour as your reason. Don't, because it isn't true. If you tell him to leave today it isn't because of the shoe cleaning comment, it's because he routinely treats you, your dogs and your mum badly and this is just the latest example. Tell him the relationship isn't working for lots of reasons you aren't prepared to discuss and that you want him to leave immediately. Help him pack (or do it before the conversation). Then change the locks.

1. Pack your joke of a 'p's stuff into bin bags and put it outside the door.

2. change the locks

3. apologise to your poor mum for having taken the piss out of her for months.

4. get yourself on the Freedom program and take it serious

5. inform all your friends and family that they are not just allowed, but positively encouraged to slap you with a wet haddock if you so much as look at another man before you can stand on your own two feet again (so, about a year of being man free)

6. Find some self respect.

You need to understand that this is not a normal relationship. In fact this is not any kind of relationship.

I think you need to learn to love yourself first. When you can do that you will realise that no-one should treat you the way this excuse for a boyfriend does.

You need to understand that not having a boyfriend is much, much better than being with someone who has no respect for you, who clearly doesn't love you, who I'm not even sure likes you.

If you can't love yourself, do it for your mother. She has both of you sponging off her. Why do you think it is OK for you to expose her to this waste of space of a human being?

You're not allowed to be unhappy/end a relationship because it's not as bad as your mother's abusive relationship? This makes no sense.
Relationships are meant to be fun and life-enhancing. This one is degrading not only your life, but your mother's (she has to watch you being 'overpowered' and have some shouty man live rent free in her house) and your dogs (who sound terrified of him).

Do all of you a favour and tell him it's over. You don't need to convince him that you've got a good enough reason to end it. It's enough that you feel like it.

What is wrong with you? Why are you enabling this cock lodging animal abuser. God I hope this is a piss take because I'd not I'll come round and put you out of your misery.

"6) Find some self respect."

This ^^

If you don't have any self respect you can't expect anyone else to respect you.

YANBU for not wanting to clean your boyfriend's shoes (be they work shoes, trainers or flip flops).

But you are being massively unreasonable for the fact that your mum has now taken you in and your two dogs and your boyfriend due to financial issues with your ex and the fact that you appear to be starting on exactly the same path with your new boyfriend as you with your ex.

Get rid of him. Please. He sounds awful.

How old are you? Sorry if you have said, have not read all comments.

You have the rest of your life ahead of you, wake up and smell the coffee, and the shit, and get rid of the shit!

In your shoes I would be focusing on getting out of debt and back on track with whatever plans you have for your life and not living at my mum's with a boyfriend who needs petrol money (how did £10 of fuel cost £50???)

I really hope you get things together and I hope you appreciate how much your mum is putting up with to have her daughter back, she must really love you and that is a great start to newer better future.... and freedom programme and all the good advice here, seriously, wake up....all the best

You must look after you dogs, they look to you, if he is abusing them make it clear you want nothing to do with him. You must be responsible, they are looking to you.

I'm just going to quote CostaCoffeePlease again incase you missed it, it's a very simple piece of advice, but sadly one that many woman don't get:
You don't measure a bad relationship against an even worse one - you measure it against a good one

^^ this is important. If you don't learn this, you'll keep having crap relationship after crap relationship.

I wouldn't bother listing all his faults, it sounds like hes the sort of man who'll argue against them and try to tell you he's justified in acting like that, that such behaviour isn't 'dumpable' behaviour, or he'll promise to change (which usually lasts less than a month). This relationship isn't working for you anymore, you don't want to be with him anymore, it's over. Please can he take his things and leave. (Ideally having packed up his things first so you don't have to wait while he drags out packing and trying to talk you round. Or if you have a car, offer to pack it up and drop it over to his mums in the week).

I'll add to Costa's very good advice another one to remember - the next best thing to a great relationship isn't a crap one, it's being single.

"tell him to leave, he'll ask why, he'll say it was a joke and I'm unreasonable. I'll feel bad . He'll be nice for a while and it begins again"
Then when he asks why, say "Because I'm so in debt I've had to move into my mother's house and you continue to bleed me dry for money. You live off me like a parasite, you frighten my dogs so much that they wet themselves, and you have absolutely no respect for me. Now fuck off." OK, you can leave off the last three words, but only if you really want to.

OP, it's not about the dogshit. That's just the latest. YOU STARTED THIS THREAD FOR A REASON, AND THAT REASON WAS NOT DOGSHIT. Has anyone on this thread suggested that this is a prince amongst men? No. And what has your mum said? She said 'he overpowers you'. Does that sound as if she approves of your relationship?

If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your mum. She deserves to not have this fucker in her HOME.

Actually, DinosaursRoar is correct, he will argue and you don't seem able to deal with that right now, and he'll back you into a corner and feel paralysed.

As suggested go with the mantra "This relationship isn't working for you anymore, you don't want to be with him anymore, it's over. Please can he take his things and leave." Repeat, repeat, repeat. He has somewhere to go, it's not like you're throwing him onto the street. But you badly need to spend some time not in shit relationships.

It's ok to admit you made a mistake with this man; many of us have done the same. Your mum had an abusive relationship, then you had one.You were highly likely to end up with another. Because you don't think he's that bad, that all men are abusive maybe, that you don't deserve better, that you are a 'crybaby' if you get upset.

It's ok to be upset. You don't need to find a reason to prove his behaviour is ok and that somehow you can make it better. It's not ok for him to make you clean shit off his shoes. Or for him to live rent free off you and your mum. Or to shout so much the dog wets itself from fear. It's not for you to fix with trying to make him happier. He's an arse and that responsibility lies with him. He was an arse efore you met him and will be an arse when he goes.

Now, to get rid of him. Are you fearful of him or worry he will get aggressive?

whois x1000

Honestly OP grow th fuck up, your little dog pisses itself at the sound of his voice?

Can you imagine how he would treat his future kids?

Any man is better than no man eh?

Where is your pride?

Just because you see your mum's relationship as slightly worse doesn't mean you should stay in this one. You shouldn't tolerate any abuse in a relationship.