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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dog shit on your shoes is your own problem?

168 replies

JustAnotherYellowBelly · 07/02/2016 11:29

Hoping you ladies will help strengthen my resolve...
Bit of background:
Moved back in with DM at the end of last year in lots of debt no necessarily of my making (twatty ex). Me, 2 DDogs.
'D'p stays over roughly 6 out of 7 nights, pays no rent etc. I feed him, buy him stuff, pay for fuel (last week his £10 petrol cost me £50 as the bank ate his money - I didn't moan as he's on a 0 hours contract but he hasn't paid me back like he said he would... But anyway)
This morning DM thought that DDDog had a mouse so she called DP to go check. On his way to the end of the garden he stepped in dog poo. He came back to bed and told me I would be the one cleaning it off his shoe as they're my dogs.
I was still half asleep and laughed and said fuck off. I would never ever usually speak to him like this but he woke me up.
AIBU to not do it? They're his trainers. If they were his work shoes I would help him (which means I would end up doing it).
So who's BU?

OP posts:
DeoGratias · 07/02/2016 11:59

I won't be content until every dog is driven from the UK - horrible things on all kinds of levels (and I spend a lot of time removing bags of their poo from the bins on our private estate and off the floor so have huge acquaintance with it, never minnd the bits the owners helpfully leave on the grass when they think they've picked it up never mind the bags of poo you see strung up from trees which they never then collect as if they were some kind of star on Christmas trees).

RidersOnTheStorm · 07/02/2016 11:59

Another vote for the ejector button.

ilovesooty · 07/02/2016 12:00

For goodness sake. Why can't you just tell him to go? If he has keys and won't give them back pay to change the locks.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 07/02/2016 12:01

You don't know how to get rid of him? You tell him to fuckoff.

You don't see a pattern of your ex to this cocklodger?

Casmama · 07/02/2016 12:01

You are seriously taking the piss out of your mother!
He may not be treating you very well but you are allowing it, your mother doesn't deserve this.
I wouldn't mind an adult child returning home if they were in trouble but moving in some waste of space partner too would not be happening.

HesterShaw · 07/02/2016 12:01

Get rid of your boyfriend - he sounds like an arse.

Get your finances in order and get a place of your own. On your own.

Your mum is being taken for a ride.

Wondermoomin · 07/02/2016 12:02

Oh my god please ditch him. How are you going to get out of debt if you keep paying for loser boyfriends?

Hassled · 07/02/2016 12:02

How do you do it? You tell him it's over and you'd like the keys back now. You give him some time to pack his stuff (or you do it first) and off he goes. If he refuses, you call the police. He has no right to be in your mother's house. Then you block him on your phone/FB/whatever and you grieve for what might have been, you keep yourself busy and eventually you get past it.

ilovesooty · 07/02/2016 12:03

Your mother has been kind enough to take you in. Moving this arse in is totally disrespectful.

NettleTea · 07/02/2016 12:03

you will never get your finances sorted while he is sucking you dry.
Plus he sounds like an entitled arse who thinks you should be grateful for subsidising him.

Casmama · 07/02/2016 12:03

You say
"I'm sorry this isn't working for me and I don't want to be with you any more. I need to sort myself out and being with you is making things worse not better. "

Bunbaker · 07/02/2016 12:05

"I have absolutely no idea how to get rid of him. My poor little DDDog is terrified of him and DSDog just tries to get away. It would be much nicer without him but I just can't do it"

Yes you can. You just tell him that the relationship isn't working out and it is time to say goodbye. And if he won't return the keys change the locks. What does your mother say?

LovelyFriend · 07/02/2016 12:07

You say "this isn't working for me and this relationship is over. Here's your stuff have a nice life" and he will go and sponge off his mum full time.

Seriously OP it's your life. Take some control. Your finances will sort themselves out pdq as soon as you shed this waste of space.

Let him take his shitty shoes with him.

winkywinkola · 07/02/2016 12:07

You'll have a lot more money and happier dogs if you tell this creepy guy to leave permanently.

Then you can start to be a bit choosier about your next bf.

OzzieFem · 07/02/2016 12:07

I think you are being unreasonable to expect your mum to be happy having this male in her house. It's her bloody home and instead of just helping out her daughter she now has a strange man in her home. It's not a bloody hotel.

If the sex is that good that you can't bear to be without your gigolo partner, then spend some nights at HIS mothers house and see how well that goes down! As for cleaning his shoes, no I would not be doing that, he has a pair of eyes to look where he is going. Yes, you should be cleaning up the dog poo from your mums garden though.

Original poster
JustAnotherYellowBelly · 07/02/2016 12:08

Remind me what sex is? Lol

OP posts:
Wondermoomin · 07/02/2016 12:09

What casmama said is perfect. I'd be tempted to omit "I'm sorry" though. You don't owe him an apology, he's been a shit.

Pipbin · 07/02/2016 12:09

I have absolutely no idea how to get rid of him.
I understand this. It is very easy for us to sit here and say LTB but it isn't really as easy as all that.
What you need to do is tell him that what happened today is the last straw, you've had a think about this and you aren't happy. List all the problems and why this isn't fair on you. Tell him that this is it, it is over and he can go to his mother's. It's not like you are making him homeless.
It isn't going to be easy but you can do it.

MrTiddlestheFatCat · 07/02/2016 12:10

The fact that your dogs hate him would be a pretty big warning sign to me- they're often very good judges of character. It doesn't sound like there's much stopping you asking him to leave, apart from your own feelings, which I know are often very hard to overcome. What does your DM say?

You will be infinitely better off without him- what does he bring to this relationship?

redexpat · 07/02/2016 12:10

Hey DP. Ive been doing dome thinking and this situation isnt working for me any more. Id like the keys back by the end of the day and id like you to move out.

You owe him nothing. If a relationship isnt working for you then you can end it. You dont need any reason other than you no longer wish to continue with the relationship.

AlisonWunderland · 07/02/2016 12:10

How do I though?
I have absolutely no idea how to get rid of him

You tell him to spend all 7 nights a week at his mother's.
It's not his house, (or yours...) he pays no rent, you have no DCs.
He's got somewhere else to go.

But ask him to repay you some petrol money before the door hits him on the arse on his way out

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/02/2016 12:11

Not sure why everyone is laying into OP so hard re the dog poo in the garden - she's already said she regularly picks up, she can't be on poo patrol 24/7.

I have to say OP I would never let anyone terrorise my dogs. Just don't open the door next time he comes round. Take his key if he has one. Stop answering texts and calls. You don't have to 'do' much to get rid of him, just stop doing what you're doing to keep him.

roachslayer · 07/02/2016 12:11

Your life sounds like a chaotic pile of bollocks 😂

GoldfishCrackers · 07/02/2016 12:12

Why are your Ddogs scared of him?
Are you scared of him too? Is that why you can't see how to get rid of him?

AlisonWunderland · 07/02/2016 12:12

List all the problems and why this isn't fair on you

Or list all the reasons why he should stay. It will be a much shorter list.

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