Dog shit on your shoes is your own problem?

[JustAnotherYellowBelly]

Hoping you ladies will help strengthen my resolve...
Bit of background:
Moved back in with DM at the end of last year in lots of debt no necessarily of my making (twatty ex). Me, 2 DDogs.
'D'p stays over roughly 6 out of 7 nights, pays no rent etc. I feed him, buy him stuff, pay for fuel (last week his £10 petrol cost me £50 as the bank ate his money - I didn't moan as he's on a 0 hours contract but he hasn't paid me back like he said he would... But anyway)
This morning DM thought that DDDog had a mouse so she called DP to go check. On his way to the end of the garden he stepped in dog poo. He came back to bed and told me I would be the one cleaning it off his shoe as they're my dogs.
I was still half asleep and laughed and said fuck off. I would never ever usually speak to him like this but he woke me up.
AIBU to not do it? They're his trainers. If they were his work shoes I would help him (which means I would end up doing it).
So who's BU?

Perhaps I've been lucky then!

I just couldn't let my dog poo in someone elses garden.

Surely if you let it out for a poo or know that it might poo, you stay with it & pick up?

He should of checked/took off his shoes/trainers before coming back in the house! Never mind his shoes, what about your poor mums floor & stairs covered in shit!

Yes. My dogs are walked 2 X per day and they still poop in the garden.

Clean his shoes. Then place them outside the front door with the rest of his crap, and wish him well with the rest of his life.

Seriously - you're getting less than nothing from this relationship. Not even basic good manners. Cut your losses.

Surely if you let it out for a poo or know that it might poo, you stay with it & pick up?

At night? In the home you're living in? Most people don't do that.

And besides, posters like you are missing the main problem here by miles. Which is that the guy with the shit covered shoes, is in fact a shit.

You CAN get rid of him. Tell him it's over and you wnat thim to leave.

He scares your dogs
He lives off you and you your Mum
Expects you to pay for stuff
You have no sex life with him ( see your earlier comment)
He expects you to clean shit off his shoes.
You are supposed to be recovering from debt yet he is sucking up your money instead
He has a mother of his own he can live with

Taking you to the doctor and showing you small snatches of niceness to keep you sweet is not enough.

Please get rid. You DO have the right and the ability to get him out of there.

Hi OP, its not unusual to clean your childs shoes if they've stepped in something.
and believe me, this "man" is your child. you're no more a GF to him than you are his mum.
If i were you i'd teach him to wipe his own backside and then kick it out of your life. You might then meet a real partner who'll see you for who you are and not a meal ticket.

"At night? In the home you're living in? Most people don't do that."

Oh, OK.

No, not missing the problem at all.

It's obvious that he is as you put it, a shit, as plenty have pointed out.

Sorry for going off on a tangent, OP.

I'll report my posts & get them deleted as we must never, ever stray off the point, must we!

Can you explain why you have no idea how to get rid of him? You must know that it would be very easy to pack up his things, put them outside, change the locks and tell him he's dumped. Is it because he's so big? Has he made threats? If so, tell the police.

What do you get out of this relationship? Really.

How old are you. Your life is a mess. What are you doing to start again? How is moving on from a twatty ex to this any better. Your poor mother, seems like she is always picking up the pieces for you. You are a grown woman

This is really sad, if he really cared for you he would be very very great ful your mum was letting him live there for free. He must be using lots extra heating etc if he's there all day when you are at work.

You are paying his good and petrol again which he should be utterly thankful for then he steps in dog poo is first thought isn't oh yuck it's you have to clean it up!

Tell him your mum wants a break with him being there so much- if you can't bring yourself to break it up yet. If you moved in to save money and clear debts then every extra penny should be spend on this so you can start paying it off. How much a week extra is he costing you? Bet if you worked it out over a year it would be loads.

He cost her at least £50 last week because the bank ate his money .

How do you get rid of him?

Keep a mental note of where all his crap is. Maybe gather it together on the pretext of tidying.

When he leaves the house, put it all in binbags, tie them tight, put them outside.

Send him a text saying, 'I can't live with you anymore. Collect your stuff, and take it to your Mums.'

*If he has a key, go to a DIY store and buy some new ones, if they are the cylinder type that slide in and out from the side of the door (check - you can tell easily, is there a screw holding the lock in when you look at the edge of the door? All you have to do is take it out, measure it - some barrels are 50mm each side, some are 60/40 and you need to buy a replacement that's the same. Just turn the new key in the new lock until the barrel lines up, put in the door, and screw it in. It's much simpler than I'm making it sound, look at a YouTube video!) Keep the new keys hidden away, and change them as soon as you put his stuff out.

If he causes any trouble, report him to the police. And of course we'll offer moral support (but NOT on the AIBU board, start a thread in Relationships!)

Who would allow a P to live in their mothers house rent free?

Listen to Clarence. He may be a cross eyed lion, but he bloody well knows what he's talking about.

I guess that I always fall for his charms.
I'll tell him to leave, he'll ask why, he'll say it was a joke and I'm unreasonable. I'll feel bad . He'll be nice for a while and it begins again

I guess that I always fall for his charms.
I'll tell him to leave, he'll ask why, he'll say it was a joke and I'm unreasonable. I'll feel bad . He'll be nice for a while and it begins again

I bet your mum is just waiting for the day you dump him.

Listen to Clarence OP.

in fact, make that your mantra,
"I Must Listen To Clarence, I Must Listen To Clarence"

Over Christmas I said to mum "I guess you're happy that I've finally found a man who will put his foot down" and she said "he doesn't put his foot down, he over powers you".
She does get it and she understands as she had a 17 year abusive relationship. One day she just left. But I feel... A crybaby? as this is nowhere near what she put up with

He's a manipulative bastard preying on an emotionally vulnerable woman. Don't forgive him again , he is grinding you down, quite methodically and deliberately. Red flags should be waving.

Look for some opportunities to build your own confidence and self esteem - job, training courses, interests - and don't look to enter a relationship again until you are in a better place.

You don't measure a bad relationship against an even worse one - you measure it against a good one

You fall for his charms, really? How charming is it for your poor dog to be terrified of him?