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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dog shit on your shoes is your own problem?

168 replies

JustAnotherYellowBelly · 07/02/2016 11:29

Hoping you ladies will help strengthen my resolve...
Bit of background:
Moved back in with DM at the end of last year in lots of debt no necessarily of my making (twatty ex). Me, 2 DDogs.
'D'p stays over roughly 6 out of 7 nights, pays no rent etc. I feed him, buy him stuff, pay for fuel (last week his £10 petrol cost me £50 as the bank ate his money - I didn't moan as he's on a 0 hours contract but he hasn't paid me back like he said he would... But anyway)
This morning DM thought that DDDog had a mouse so she called DP to go check. On his way to the end of the garden he stepped in dog poo. He came back to bed and told me I would be the one cleaning it off his shoe as they're my dogs.
I was still half asleep and laughed and said fuck off. I would never ever usually speak to him like this but he woke me up.
AIBU to not do it? They're his trainers. If they were his work shoes I would help him (which means I would end up doing it).
So who's BU?

OP posts:
WutheringFrights · 07/02/2016 11:45

I'm not entirely sue why it needed the whole back story.

"My DP trod in some of my dogs poo should I clean it off?" Probably would have sufficed...

Original poster
JustAnotherYellowBelly · 07/02/2016 11:45

I really don't know what I want to happen. In all honesty, I probably will end up cleaning his shoes.
I know he gets a free life. When we met he had much more disposable income than me but I believed he spent most of it on petrol. With hindsight, he seemed to have a new Xbox game every week etc while I was still giving him fuel money.
I also think that, at 28, he will one day realise what he's doing and grow up.

OP posts:
Vixxfacee · 07/02/2016 11:46

This has got to be a joke. Dog shit isn't the issue.

He's using you and your mother. You clearly choose the same type of guy.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 07/02/2016 11:46

Another one in agreement with expat, it sounds like you are both sponging off your poor mum.

He sounds an utter dick, why on earth are you with him?! Confused

ilovesooty · 07/02/2016 11:47

You obviously haven't learned from the last experience which left you in debt.

Original poster
JustAnotherYellowBelly · 07/02/2016 11:47

The back story was because I think he's unreasonable about quite a bit and to show this is the tip of the iceberg I guess.
I also guess that I still think I'm being unreasonable and should just do it for a quiet life

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 07/02/2016 11:47

'And it works out quite well as I pay a standing amount that is more than half the bills. I cook for us, DM cooks for her. '

Works out well for him. You had a 'twatty ex' who got you into debt. And you've moved straight on to another deadweight loser. You need to seriously get into the Freedom Programme and take a long break from dating because you have very poor judgement.

Bunbaker · 07/02/2016 11:47

Why do you feel that you have to "settle" with immature time wasters? He saw you coming didn't he. He sees you as a cash cow that he can milk whenever he wants.

Pipistrella · 07/02/2016 11:48

I can't even begin to think about the shoe problem, when the whole context is so completely awful.

Can you not just chuck him, and his shitty shoes, out into the street and get on with your own life?

I feel really sorry for your poor mother.

FFS

Original poster
JustAnotherYellowBelly · 07/02/2016 11:49

He sleeps at his mother's on the seventh night or whenever I've pissed him off

OP posts:
TheGoodEnoughWife · 07/02/2016 11:49

He is awful and no way would should you be cleaning his shoes! He is right royally taking the piss out of you and your mum and now he feels you should literally deal with the shit on his shoe?
We pick up dog poo daily but there are times when there is some there obviously- he should look where he is walking and that should be out the bloody door!

JohnLuther · 07/02/2016 11:49

Dog shit is the least of your worries.

Hassled · 07/02/2016 11:50

No, don't do it for a quiet life. Sit down and write a list - reasons to keep him in your life versus reasons why he should be gone. He's taking the piss, and you know that. And that's fine, if he makes you happy, but on the basis of what you've said, I can't see any way in which he improves the quality of your life.

Jibberjabberjooo · 07/02/2016 11:50

I also think that, at 28, he will one day realise what he's doing and grow up

You'll be a long time waiting.

Why should he grow up? He's got no reason to as long as you're paying for everything and cleaning the dog shit off his shoes.

expatinscotland · 07/02/2016 11:52

He's 28 and doing like this? I dumped 18 years olds who were that lazy. Get a grip. Dump the losers.

didofido · 07/02/2016 11:53

Keep the dogs. Ditch the 'D'P. You and your mum would both be happier.

Pipbin · 07/02/2016 11:53

I also think that, at 28, he will one day realise what he's doing and grow up.

No no no. He won't change.Why should he?
He can live with you rent free while you and your mother cook and clean for him. He can sit on his arse playing xbox games with two live in staff for free.
Does he do anything to help around the house?
I was in a position once where I was living rent free while I was between jobs. While the other people in the house were at work I cleaned the house from top to bottom and cooked for them as my way of showing appreciation.

LeanneBattersby · 07/02/2016 11:54

So he doesn't even have a house of his own, doesn't contribute anything, you GIVE him fuel money and now he literally wants you to clean the shirt off his shoes?

You cannot be serious?

Pipbin · 07/02/2016 11:54

He sleeps at his mother's on the seventh night or whenever I've pissed him off
So it's not a case of him 'staying over' then. He lives with you. Or goes crawling back to his mother. Utter Cocklodger - get rid.

LIZS · 07/02/2016 11:56

He sees you, and by default your dm , as a soft touch. Honestly, you could do better than this leech.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 07/02/2016 11:57

Send him back to his mothers permanently. Help him pack. Kill that awkward bit of time while you're shoving his bloody pants into a carrier bag telling him that he's a waste of space who has been taking the piss for too long. Explain the term 'cocklodger' to him. Or don't bother, whatever.

Just get rid, OP.

Original poster
JustAnotherYellowBelly · 07/02/2016 11:57

How do I though?
I have absolutely no idea how to get rid of him. My poor little DDDog is terrified of him and DSDog just tries to get away. It would be much nicer without him but I just can't do it

OP posts:
acasualobserver · 07/02/2016 11:58

Accidents happen. When you're eight mummy helps put things right. When you're twenty-eight ..

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/02/2016 11:58

"I also think that, at 28, he will one day realise what he's doing and grow up."
WHY THE HELL SHOULD HE?

I mean, fuck me OP but what are you using for brains here? You are in such debt that you have to move back in with your mother, but you are CHOOSING to fund this utter arse?

I wouldn't normally be this harsh, but you need to get a bloody grip here. I really feel for your mother, who YOU are taking for a bloody ride. How dare you do this to her? She took you back in because you're her daughter, and you fill her house with a disrespectful cocklodging waste of space? Shame on you! Throw his shitty shoes in his face and THROW HIM OUT.

And longer term, you need to sort yourself out. You've got a twatty ex and a twatty present. Why are you doing this to yourself? Get yourself some help, so that you don't doom the rest of your life to twats. I've seen the Freedom Programme mentioned on MN a few times, that might be somewhere to start. And FFS, get rid of this wanker and let your mum have her home back.

LIZS · 07/02/2016 11:59

You let him leave, go no contact and make a real life for yourself.

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