To ask family to babysit while we go on holiday?

[greenkitee]

Just curious as to what others think. Me and my partner haven't been on holiday together, anywhere. Admittedly I got pregnant far too soon. We didn't get to enjoy the new experience of a couple etc we were forced together for our baby.

Anyway,i mentioned to my mum about taking my partner back to Ireland where I grew up, she said "I hope you're taking your baby" I said no, would have liked to have a holiday just us and she said "should have thought about that before having kids"

Has anybody gone on holiday without their child? Honeymoon obviously doesn't count, are we BU by wanting to go by ourselfs? It's much more expensive needing to take the pram etc not to mention actually buying a 3rd seat

Wow OP you really are getting a hard time on this thread!
Your mother sounds like a right arse tbh - it is not HER place to say that now you're a parent that you include your child in everything you do. Obviously she has you doubting her maternal feelings towards you so I'd be letting her advice go in one ear and out the bloody other.
Although if she makes you feel inferior to your brother then I'd have a serious think about whether she would be a good presence in your sons life because if your brother has kids and she favours them then your DS will notice it eventually.
Don't take parenting advice from a parent who makes you feel like you're second best to a sibling

'Any adult with the means is entitled to do what they like.'

Yeah, but this gal doesn't have the means.

DP parents went on holiday 9 times before he was 8, all the while he stayed at his grannies so he can't understand why my mum is being so cold iyswim?

Just because he stayed at his Nan's as a child, doesn't mean your Mum has to do the same. She was probably a bit off because it may have sounded as if you had made an assumption that she would care for your DS. It may have sounded to her as if the trip was all planned and it had been decided she would have him.

Although you say you didn't ask her, it's not unreasonable to think the conversation sounded like a lead up to "so can you have him for a week?"

For the record, hopefully it's not a drip feed but DP parents went on holiday 9 times before he was 8, all the while he stayed at his grannies so he can't understand why my mum is being so cold iyswim?

DP needs to widen his experiences of people then, not everyone will be the same as his family. Some grannies relish being hands on with their dgc, some think they've raised their kids and don't want to raise their grandkids or even be a big part of their lives.

My DP's parents went on holiday more than once a year and left him and his 2 dbro with their gps. They very rarely took their dc on any of their holidays as they didn't want them there or particularly enjoy their company (they have openly told him this). Whereas my parents never went on holiday without all of their 5 dc as they wanted family holidays. I could say I cant understand why they bothered to have children and then dump them when you could have the best quality time with them, but I can understand people are different.

If your mum is as brutal with her comments all the time you need to accept that's who she is and work out your coping tactics - lower your expectations/reduce contact/avoid discussing things she probably wont agree with/don't take comments like this so personally/smile and nod smile and nod.

For the record, hopefully it's not a drip feed but DP parents went on holiday 9 times before he was 8, all the while he stayed at his grannies so he can't understand why my mum is being so cold iyswim?

It does sound a bit like an assumption your Mum would have him then. i.e his Nan did it so that's what Nans do.

My inlaws have had DCs for a week at a time several times. It's never expected that they will and we will never take it for granted. It is usually them that offers in the first place. No regular family support for most of the time as everyone lives too far apart, and they only see the kids during the school holidays they like to make the most of their time with them i suppose.

If someone will have your DC for you that's great. Dont let anyone make you feel bad about it or let them make out they love their kids more than you love yours. One of my so called best friends implied more than once that I clearly dont like my children as much as she likes hers no love, we just do things differently.

Hi folks. Thanks for all your reports on this. It does indeed look like there are two very similar stories going on here with this OP and a PBP. We're going to suspend this thread while we look into things.

We have only had one night in 5 years, it was an anniversary present and inlaws also paid for the hotel. My own mum would find it overwhelming, she could manage a night in an emergency but it would be stressful for her.

You would not be a bad parent to go on a holiday without your DC you just have to have someone who will happily oblige with childcare.

If I was you I would float the idea past your other potential babysitters. If nobody is enthusiastic you will just have to put the idea out of your head. No point planning and getting excited about something which isn't going to be possible, you will only be more upset if you have found a good deal on flights, hotel etc.