To ask family to babysit while we go on holiday?

[greenkitee]

Just curious as to what others think. Me and my partner haven't been on holiday together, anywhere. Admittedly I got pregnant far too soon. We didn't get to enjoy the new experience of a couple etc we were forced together for our baby.

Anyway,i mentioned to my mum about taking my partner back to Ireland where I grew up, she said "I hope you're taking your baby" I said no, would have liked to have a holiday just us and she said "should have thought about that before having kids"

Has anybody gone on holiday without their child? Honeymoon obviously doesn't count, are we BU by wanting to go by ourselfs? It's much more expensive needing to take the pram etc not to mention actually buying a 3rd seat

Are you the poster whose other half had arranged to take you away for your birthday assuming your mum would have your son? The disabled FIL sounds familiar.

If so, your mum has form for being sharp with you about your child doesn't she.

Once you have children ' just us' includes your children.

I don't agree with this at all. We had a long weekend away without ours when she was about 18 months. Left her with grandparents for three nights and it was absolutely fine. Was brilliant for our relationship. When you've got a young child life can be a bit of a grind, you're tired all the time, talk about nothing but childcare. Going away just the two of you will be great. BUT if you don't have anyone willing to babysit you're a bit screwed, aren't you?

We have done this 3 times since having kids. Eldest is 6. Had a few days away in this country without the kids and my folks have looked after them. I don't see it as a problem. The kids love spending time with their grandparents and DD talks about it as her holiday to grandma's. They get spoiled rotten and my parents offered each time. Never assumed that they'd be happy to babysit but everyone loves it so it's a win - win. As long as everyone is happy with the idea don't see it as an issue.

Was only asking if it's unreasonable to holiday without your child

OP, no it's not, and I really sorry your mum seemed to be straining at the bit to say what she did.

The reality is that some grandparents look after their grandchildren, some don't, and it seems your mum is that latter. But at least you know now and you can live your life with her accordingly from now on in.

I think I would have been hurt to the core if my mum had ever said that to me, not that she did, and I'd never say it to my lot anyway because I always have the children to let them all go away on holidays etc. But your mum could definitely have found a kinder/nicer way to say what she did - but then maybe she didn't want to find a nicer way to say it and only you will know if that's the person she is.

Im sorry it happened. It must have felt like a slap in the face.

Are you the same woman whose partner booked a short break or a gig that included an overnight stay, without organising childcare first? If you are, I can see why your Mum shut down any ideas you may have had to ask her.

We have never had a holiday away from our DC. They are 8,6&4.

We once had a night away to see a concert and DB & his DW travelled 230 miles to care for our children!

TBH ... Why would you want to holiday without your DC? I don't get it!!! They are my kids and I love them and I'd want them to have the experience too!

'Was only asking if it's unreasonable to holiday without your child'

No, you asked if it were unreasonable to ask family to babysit whilst you go on holiday. IMO, yes.

'In her view, because I've got a child he should be involved in everything I do now.'

Sounds about right. You want to do something without your child, you have to sort out childcare unless someone volunteers and says, 'Oh, hey, if you ever want a night out, just let me know and I'll keep your child.'

So your mother doesn't even like you or your son? Why on earth would you want to even leave him with her even if she did offer. Bizarre

If we didn't have anybody that would be happy to do it then we simply wouldn't go, we would wait until he is older. For the record, hopefully it's not a drip feed but DP parents went on holiday 9 times before he was 8, all the while he stayed at his grannies so he can't understand why my mum is being so cold iyswim? We have other people we could ask if we were sure we were going to go, but we aren't so haven't asked. Hence only mentioning it

I have a 4yo. Twice we have been away for 1 night for child free weddings we couldn't take DC to. We have had a 2 night away without DC recently for a significant birthday which is the limit of what I'd be comfortable with personally. Every other time we have been away DC has come. And when they have been at home he has been looked after by his regular nanny at additional eye watering expense.

ok...Who are you expecting to look after your child?

If I was your mum I would assume the same...

Also a nerly 3 year old...I am guessing was about 18 months old when she went .. not really much to do.. Definitely one for older though no idea why she asked 27 year old...

I don't think I'd want to leave my child with your mother if she isn't loving towards him. Tbh I have never holidayed without my 3 children and I prefer it like that.

'For the record, hopefully it's not a drip feed but DP parents went on holiday 9 times before he was 8, all the while he stayed at his grannies so he can't understand why my mum is being so cold iyswim? '

And I can't understand why he thinks your mum should babysit when you said his own ma was willing to have his child.

It's not unreasonable t go on holiday without your child. Sometimes. In some circumstances.

But your relationship with your mum has everything to do with the conversation you just had.

If I said to my mum "thinking of taking dh to Ireland" she would a) assume I meant we would take toddler ds too unless I said otherwise and b) say something chatty like "oh when?" Not jump in with a barbed comment.

YANBU to want to go on holiday without your child.
YAalsoNBU to ask if your parents can babysit your child whilst you go on holiday. You never know if you don't ask.

You would be unreasonable to expect them to though or be peeved if they say no.

She doesn't show love toward me or my child but that's another thread
and you want her to take care of DC while you're in another country?

By the way she did sound like she expected you to ask... Why do you think that is?

Sorry if I sound like your mum but your kids your responsibility ...

I didn't say I would leave my son with her! I never even fucking asked her!
Because MIL could be busy can't get time off etc

You're not unreasonable to hope. But if you are the poster I think you are I fear you will always be disappointed with your mum in this regard. So I'd look into really family friendly breaks with either holiday clubs so you can have a little adult time or ask PILs.

She doesn't show love toward me or my child

I wouldn't want anyone like that looking after my dc while i went on holiday tbh....

Now it sounds to me like she's maybe punishing you for having your child. Just by those kind of comments she's made. My mother would never have said anything like that.
You are entitled to go away as a couple and entitled to ask for babysitting. She's entitled to say no but as she's not very hands on, ask someone else.

'Because MIL could be busy can't get time off etc'

That's an easy fix. Wait for her to book time off and then plan your holiday around that. This sounds a lot like the poster who took all the anger out on the mother, but turned out to have a partner who is utterly useless.

So your mother doesn't even like you or your son? Why on earth would you want to even leave him with her even if she did offer. Bizarre

Im not sure that she did ask her mum. It seems like she was making conversation and her mum just jumped right on in and said what she did.

And maybe the OP is upset that she couldn't leave her son with her mum anyway but would like to be able to.

My friends said something to me years ago just after her NC father died, she was really upset and she said to me - Im crying because of what he wasn't to me, not because of what he was. It stuck in my mind because I'm NC with my dad and Im wondering if its the same kind of thing for the OP with her mum.

I might be a havering cuddy though.

'You are entitled to go away as a couple and entitled to ask for babysitting.'

Wow, really? People are entitled to couples' holidays?

I don't get the issue - you want to go away

you mentioned it to someone

they said 'I'm not having him'

you where not going to ask her anyway

you have some one who will have him

you can go away

so erm why are you ranting and getting your pants in a knot?

Some grandparents are happy to be involved in minding their grandchildren, while others feel they have done their bit raising their own family and are enjoying their freedom so don't want to commit to babysitting.

Neither attitude is right or wrong. While it must hurt that your mum won't help it would be better to plan to use paid babysitters or childcare in future.