To ask family to babysit while we go on holiday?

[greenkitee]

Just curious as to what others think. Me and my partner haven't been on holiday together, anywhere. Admittedly I got pregnant far too soon. We didn't get to enjoy the new experience of a couple etc we were forced together for our baby.

Anyway,i mentioned to my mum about taking my partner back to Ireland where I grew up, she said "I hope you're taking your baby" I said no, would have liked to have a holiday just us and she said "should have thought about that before having kids"

Has anybody gone on holiday without their child? Honeymoon obviously doesn't count, are we BU by wanting to go by ourselfs? It's much more expensive needing to take the pram etc not to mention actually buying a 3rd seat

Who else were you expecting to look after your toddler then ? (Nearly two isn't a baby!)

You sound like you think your entitled to a child free holiday because you didn't get the chance as a new couple to do it? To be honest that was your life choice and whilst it would be lovely unless you have a willing and reliable babysitter then you can't do it.

Will you be visiting family in Ireland, I bet if you are they will be massively disappointed not to be meeting the baby.

2 years! He isn't a baby he's a toddler. He can sleep on a regular bed, share yours or make a small bed on the floor somewhere. And you don't need a pram at 2, or can take a small umbrella fold. It's Ireland to keep him safe in, not Afghanistan, surely it's the same as at home.

Sorry x posts, the way your OP read was that you mentioned it in the expectation that your mum would have the baby.

FIL who is paralyzed in a wheelchair would happily do it but not until my son was probably about 5, which is understandable
I understand family members saying no etc, just from my mum's comment I expected everyone to have to take their children with them

Can I ask how old you are and what your living arrangements are? Is your mum a hands on granny and does she do quite a bit of babysitting? How old is the baby? I'm assuming very young since you mention a pram.

Oooh! Someone's got a temper!

keeping him safe in another country etc

Its Ireland not Iraq!

YANBU to want a child free holiday. YABU to think that it is your right. I think that a great deal of couples only had their honeymoon as a proper child free holiday. Your DM seems to have made it clear that she does not want child left with her.

the only child free holidays I've had were before I had children

I would always expect that a child would go with parents like your mum did, we don't holiday without ours and certainly not when they were as small as yours. I can quite understand wanting a break without them so of course Yanbu to ask, yabu to expect that they should because you got pregnant early on as that is irrelevant.

Woah, cut out the FFS! It WAS your intention to have a child free holiday, your mum knows you well, she had realised that was your intention by you just mentioning your intentions.

You are making an unnecessary drama about taking your son on a holiday, you are putting unnecessary obstacles in the way, like the need for a pram, cot, ability to look after him in a "foreign" country, You ABU....very!

I didn't think it's my God given right, I said to my mum " was thibking of taking to DP to visit Ireland" her reply was "you better be taking your child" that's all I said.
Ireland was an example, it's not easy to keep him safe in other country's with all the horror stories of kids going missing etc

We've left ours from about 3 once or twice a year for long weekends, longest we've been away is 5 days. But I'm lucky enough to have a mum who really wants to have the children, and the children love going there. It's not unreasonable to want a break just the two of you and in fact I think it's really important to do it if you can. But you can't make anyone look after your children unfortunately!

We've done it, but our siblings were willing to look after them.

My mum assured me the children would be desperately unhappy and never forgive us.

I don't think its unreasonable to maybe ask for help in this situation. As my own DM passed away way before I had my dd's, I only have my sister and mil to ask for any type of babysitting. As long as I give plenty of notice they are both happy to help. Me and DH never go for longer than a few days...plus I leave the asking of mil to DH as she needs to be approached in a certain way Maybe you could wait a while and talk to her again?

"I hope you're taking your baby" I said no, would have liked to have a holiday just us and

This does sound a bit brusque, and to your Mum sounded like you were expecting her to have the baby (toddler). Who were you hoping to leave them with ?

Its not an issue leaving your toddler if someone wants to have him while you go away but they have to offer and want to do it.

But equally its no great shakes taking them either..I dont understand the 'keeping him safe in another counrtry...you did say Ireland didnt you not Beirut ?

But it's ok to leave your mum alone with him in this country with children going missing? Surely two parents and two sets of eyes are better than one set?

You used Ireland as an example? You said that you wanted to show your OH where you grew up? So is it Ireland or Afghanistan that you intend to visit?

You're changing your story as you go along.

Ireland was an example, it's not easy to keep him safe in other country's with all the horror stories of kids going missing etc

Oh yes, Ireland, that hotbed of child abduction

Kids go missing in all countries. But it's rare!
Could your mum feel you are expecting too mum from her? Is she often expected to help?

It's Ireland, not the Congo

Kids missing from outside their own home far far more often than when travelling.

He's a 2 year old child. It sounds like your trying to work out how to travel with a pack of non street worthy Sabertooth Lions

So you told your mum you were planning to go on holiday without your child? Exactly what did you think was going to happen to your child while you're away? Had you assumed your mum would have him? YABVU. I understand why you might like some time as a couple without your kid having become parents so early in the relationship but to put it bluntly, tough luck! Your child is noone's responsibility but yours. Some grandparents are happy to take on some, or even a lot, of childcare, but you should never expect it.

We have taken the DCs abroad from 5 months, we bought a lightweight stroller for ease.

Fair enough to want to have a break with your partner but the other reasons aren't that valid IMO. We took our DSs to disneyland paris at 2.5 & 5months then Vegas at 3.5 and 18months, with regards to keeping them safe it really was no different than going to a caravan park difficulty-wise TBH.

DH and I had been together 9 months when DS1 was born, so I do know what it's like to no have had that adult time. My parents looked after DS1 at 18 months when we went to NY. DH planned it with them as a surprise, we could have taken him but he wanted time as a couple and we got engaged out there. We could have taken him but our reason was that we didn't want to and our parents were happy to have him. If not we wouldn't have gone.

her reply was "you better be taking your child"

Sounds like she expected you not to be. Why is that? I'm guessing you ask her to babysit a lot.

Like I said my FIL would have him, I wasn't asking her there and then, I was just mentioning it
She has very warped views anyway, like when she insisted on taking my 27 year old brother to legoland and forgot to invite me and my son
Was only asking if it's unreasonable to holiday without your child