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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask family to babysit while we go on holiday?

159 replies

greenkitee · 06/02/2016 13:46

Just curious as to what others think. Me and my partner haven't been on holiday together, anywhere. Admittedly I got pregnant far too soon. We didn't get to enjoy the new experience of a couple etc we were forced together for our baby.

Anyway,i mentioned to my mum about taking my partner back to Ireland where I grew up, she said "I hope you're taking your baby" I said no, would have liked to have a holiday just us and she said "should have thought about that before having kids"

Has anybody gone on holiday without their child? Honeymoon obviously doesn't count, are we BU by wanting to go by ourselfs? It's much more expensive needing to take the pram etc not to mention actually buying a 3rd seat

OP posts:

lenibose · 06/02/2016 15:07

Nope. He's family and I see no reason to leave him behind. We have travelled all over (many 12+ long haul flights). Yes there are some adjustments and not many lie ins as we would like, but that's fine. Both DH and I have been individually away for work (separately) but when we go on a holiday I assume that we go as a family.

StayWithMe · 06/02/2016 15:10

Staywithme come to Merseyside- if you send up a flare as you pass the IOM, I'll pop out to meet you

Could you bring me a hot flask of coffee, while you're at it? It's fecking freezing out there. practising sense of entitlement

BoomBoomsCousin · 06/02/2016 15:11

Your mum sounds a bit judgemental. (I'm guessing she thought you shouldn't have got pregnant when you did?)

YADNBU to go on holiday from time to time without your children so long as you have somebody good who is happy to look after them and you do plenty of things with your child at other times too. Young children will get at least as much out of time with extended family members as they will from going on holiday. And while I think your concern with "keeping him safe" is too paranoid/anxious, it doesn't mean taking him will necessarily be much fun. It's not that it's particularly hard to keep children safe abroad, but can be hard to deal with their needs in a stress free way when you are in an unfamiliar place. So it makes it much less of a holiday for you.

Like your husband I spent quite a few "holidays" with my extended family when I was younger - and I think of them far more fondly than I do of the holidays I went on with my parents before the age of about 10 (when travel actually started to be interesting). Go ahead and see what you can arrange.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 06/02/2016 15:16

Not hard to see why mum would be judgmental, pregnant whilst barely dating, neither of them working and now planning a holiday whilst earning not earning and expecting others to pick up the childcare as they need time together Obviously all those hours in a day together already are not enough.

Maybe mum expects them to grow up and start facing their responsibilities.

hefzi · 06/02/2016 15:28

Coffee packed already, stay (biscuits would have been entitled ) Do you want a slug of Bushmills or Jamesons as well ?

Sandbrook · 06/02/2016 15:31

Yes expat. Any adult with the means is entitled to do what they like. Anybody can travel anywhere they want to and I am a firm believer parents should be included in that too. Myself and DH have gone on plenty of holidays without the DC, but we have the advantage of having plenty of family who like to have our kids stay with them. They get to spend time with family and play with their cousins and we get alone time and a wind down.
I would also feel you can ask those near and dear to you if they'd mind your kids. They don't have to, but you can ask.
In turn I have also taken my nieces and nephews while their parents had a break.
Not sure why some parents feels time out is a no no.

Stillunexpected · 06/02/2016 15:38

it's not easy to keep him safe in other country's with all the horror stories of kids going missing etc - you're taking him to Ireland, not Iraq!

LivingInMidnight · 06/02/2016 15:45

Muskateersmummy · 06/02/2016 15:49

You are not being unreasonable to want to have a child free holiday. We frequently have weekends away without our dd. It's important to us to have some couple time too.

However, you are being a bit unreasonable, you know deep down you were testing the water about having your toddler. She has every right to nip it in the bud and say she doesn't want to look after them. She could have been more kind in the way she said no; but from how you describe previous discussions along this line, I'm not sure why you are surprised by her reaction.

Hissy · 06/02/2016 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ZanyMobster · 06/02/2016 15:52

I don't think it's the same poster, that OP posted to say her DP had died!

AcrossthePond55 · 06/02/2016 15:52

Ah yes. I remember that thread. I shall save my breath to cool my porridge with this one.

hefzi · 06/02/2016 15:53

Living I don't think this is the same OP, despite the paralysed FILs: this OP is the one whose DP doesn't work as he's doing a radio presenting course, whereas the other OP's DP does work, which is why she's stuck on her own a lot

hefzi · 06/02/2016 15:55

Though both the OPs have a dream of being driving instructors one day, although they haven't yet learned to drive. Hmmmm

BetOnBlack · 06/02/2016 15:55

YANBU to want a little break occasionally, no matter how old your child is. To be honest it sounds as though your mum is a little bitter and very unsupportive, did she by any chance have you and your siblings young? I only ask as my parents had myself and my brothers rather young and I think they regretted it. There stance now on helping us out with our kids is to not bother at all. I too get told oh you've got kids now you can't do this or that, kids are for life blah blah blah. They still turn up to see our kids every weekend for all of an hour but as for helping out forget it.

They're not what you call proper grandparents, if they were then they would offer to help us out occasionally, even if it were only once or twice a year. Well my kids are growing older now and they realise that their grandparents would rather give them gifts than spend some proper time with them, and I'll let them draw their own conclusions as they get older. It's kind of sad really, I can't wait to have grandkids and whilst I certainly won't be on tap 24/7 to help out I'll defintely have them over for sleepovers and weekends whilst my kids holiday with their partners, everyone needs a break at the end of the day but this generations grandparents imo are rather selfish and only care about number one.

Lweji · 06/02/2016 15:58

Hissy

Erm...

There was no need for that comment about the OP.

notonyurjellybellynelly · 06/02/2016 16:02

These threads really do illustrate how sanctimonious and fecking ugly some posters can be towards other parents.

Myredcardigan · 06/02/2016 16:03

If it's not the same poster then there's an unusual amount of young mothers of the same age with a son around the same age and a mother who thinks the op should look after her own child. With mother/daughter anger issues, a disabled but willing FIL who will have the DS from 5 and who want to learn to drive so they can realise their dream of becoming a driving instructor.

As I said, I'm not suggesting she's trolling only that she sounds as though she needs to talk to someone about her feelings surrounded her relationship with her mother.

Sandbrook · 06/02/2016 16:03

Hissy your post is ridiculous. OP is talking about a few days in Ireland, not a 6 month safari.
Stop with the drama

MissBattleaxe · 06/02/2016 16:05

it's not easy to keep him safe in other country's with all the horror stories of kids going missing

Oh that's a ridiculous excuse. You'd presumably be with him, not leaving him in a B and B for the day on his own? It's fine to go on holiday without your children ( although not my personal choice), but it only works if someone offers to pick up the slack for you.

Making excuses about babies being abducted meaning you can't take him abroad is just lame. You sound like you just don't want to take him.

BetOnBlack · 06/02/2016 16:16

So what if she doesn't want to take him. I love my own kids more than words can describe but there are plenty of places i like to go with my dh were I wouldn't want to take them. Surely everyone is entitled to a break from time to time, and they should have alone time with their partner as otherwise it's all about the kids 24/7 and that's not healthy.

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/02/2016 16:24

yanbu to want some time with just you and dp, parents need 'time out' and time to be green again not mummygreen

esp you fell preg quickly and prob havnt had much time alone,plus you op makes it sounds like you have to be with dp as you have a ds together, which you dont

great if you can make a relationship work with a surprise baby added into it, but no one should stay with someone just coz theres a bay iyswim

as ds is 2 you and dp must have been together heading up for 3years

anyway, your mum has made it clear she doesnt want to have her dgs, her choice

maybe as you are away for a few days and feels it is too much

can db have him? or anyone on dp side?

perhaps take ds to ireland, he will be fine sleeping in a bed/travel cot/duvet on floor, and if he needs a buggy then take a small fold up one

and have a night away somewhere in uk where hopefully dm or db will have dgs/dn

hire a weekend nanny, ive had jobs like this before,whether paremts wanting some child free time, or a wedding that is childfree etc

MiddleClassProblem · 06/02/2016 16:27

LivingInMidnight! You are have totally unraveled this. This is the same OP. I imagine this is based on some semi truth but then wanted some extra attention so killed off DP but then still had the problem with her holiday with DP and mum so changed her name

Summerblaze100 · 06/02/2016 16:33

YANBU to want to go away as a couple. Me and DH were together for 12 years before we had DC and enjoyed many holidays on our own. We still like to now though and are actually away for one night at the moment while my parents have our 3 DC. The longest has been 3 nights and I think it is good for our marriage and in turn, is good for our family/children.

However, you are wrong to just assume your parents will look after your DC without asking first. My parents don't mind at all but yours might.

MissBattleaxe · 06/02/2016 16:38

So what if she doesn't want to take him It's fine if she doesn't want to take him, but making it sound like a safeguarding issue, or making presumptions about child care is not on.

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