To ask family to babysit while we go on holiday?

[greenkitee]

Just curious as to what others think. Me and my partner haven't been on holiday together, anywhere. Admittedly I got pregnant far too soon. We didn't get to enjoy the new experience of a couple etc we were forced together for our baby.

Anyway,i mentioned to my mum about taking my partner back to Ireland where I grew up, she said "I hope you're taking your baby" I said no, would have liked to have a holiday just us and she said "should have thought about that before having kids"

Has anybody gone on holiday without their child? Honeymoon obviously doesn't count, are we BU by wanting to go by ourselfs? It's much more expensive needing to take the pram etc not to mention actually buying a 3rd seat

OP when mentioned this:

I said no, would have liked to have a holiday just us and she said "should have thought about that before having kids"

There's just no way in hell I'd put myself in a position where this person was looking after my children.

Everyone loves likes time away from toddlers, but you should find another helper.

Its Ireland not Iraq

Am currently debating if I can fashion a boat out of the dinning table and some plastic bottles, in order to escape this child stealing, lawless country. Could all my dear uk posters let me know where the best place is to land on your side of the Irish Sea?

I wouldn't ask my parents to do it, I don't think it's fair unless they want to (in which case they would offer). Expecting someone to look after your baby for a week is asking for a massive favour, they will be on duty with baby 24/7.

Why not go somewhere with a good crèche? Or wait until child is older and less dependent. Or hire a professional nanny for the week if budget allows.

It's possible your mum has had enough of nappy-changing, night feeds and entertaining babies. Nothing wrong with that.

I understand you wanting a couples holiday. DH and I have never been on a proper holiday together as a couple, but I've accepted we may not get to do that for 18years or so, unless family offer to look after our DS when he's older. I wouldn't want to leave him for a week at the moment as he's only 5months and needs his mum.

If you go before june baby won't need a seat or passport (just birth certificate to fly with aerlingus) and buggy and baby bag is baby's luggage allowance. As for cots in the rooms...just ask when booking and looking after a baby in Ireland is pretty much the same as looking after a baby in UK (assuming that's where you are). Simple

I didn't say I would leave my son with her! I never even fucking asked her!

But why don't you tell us who did you mean to say you wanted to babysit? Cause we are very confused by the way you write your posts? Would you pay for an in house babysitter for a week?

Never left my DC to holiday alone and can't understand why anyone does. They are a luxury and fun event that should be shared by all, not just select members of the family. I also think it's selfish to expect others to provide days and nights of childcare for free curtailing their lives and plans.

Children are a huge commitment, if not ready for it don't have them.

Isetan I'm thinking the same thing. That thread was a big YABU

I haven't read the full thread but aren't you the same poster who posted last month about your mum not helping out more when your DP had booked a Valentine's break and you'd just assumed she would have your son. The details of your mum and your FIL are the same.

If so then honestly I think you need to get some counselling to figure out your mother/daughter relationship as it's obviously causing you a lot of bitterness and angst.

No, it is not unreasonable to holiday without your child....lots of us have

If its because you want a belated Honeymoon or a just us holiday...fine if you can find someone to look after your DS.

But its not really hard or difficult taking a toddler on holiday

ahh, just seen your other recent post where you want another child to avoid working and your partner doesn't either and is doing a coruse that will lead to no work either. No wonder your mum won't babysit, what could you possibly need a break alone for given everyday is a holiday virtually.

Are you the poster who's DH was injured in an accident recently? I think that OP had a paralysed FIL and a mum who'd only had the baby once? If you are, you're exactly not a jot further on, are you.

whose not who's (anyone who would care to tell me what the grammatical rule is for that, feel free )

If there is someone willing, and whom you would trust to look after your baby, then I really don't see the problem.

GPs, DD and DH and I have all enjoyed a good few weekends of us being on holiday whilst DD gets indulged by DPs and DPiLs!

Still love her, etc etc

My parents went on holiday several times when we were kids. Our grandparents would come and stay with us for the week, as it was usually during school time. And then we'd go to their house for a week in the summer but I think that was to do with childcare. We LOVED it, but that's because my grandparents are awesome.

Just reading this thread and it's reads the same as the other one. You ask if YABU, people tell you that must mums help but are not obliged to the you start getting angry saying 'I only fucking asked her this' and 'I didn't fucking say that' etc.

You are young and feel trapped. That's understandable. But the truth of the matter is that your son is you and your DP's responsibility. A bit of help from your mum would be nice and u guess you feel like everyone's mum helps. That's simply not true. Both my mother and MIL are dead. Many other posters will be in a similar position or perhaps live 100s of miles away from family. You must let go of this or the bitterness and anger will eat you up.

I have many happy memories of holidays for a week or so with various grandparents when I were a lass. DS's grandparents are currently chomping at the bit to have him to stay, but since he's only 8 months old, we're hanging on a bit.

So it feels completely normal to me for GPs to have GCs to stay - but only if they want to, of course.

Some people do go away without their kids.

I wouldn't. But if you have someone to have them, it's up to you.

However your logic about keeping him safe in another country etc is rubbish.

We have taken my kids to the US and all over Europe. From being months old. It seems like you just you don't want to take him and making excuses.

You want a holiday just you and your partner. My personal opinion is that it's unfair on kids they are part of the family too. But that's just my opinion.

As for the trip to Lego land. I find it odd for 2 adults to go on their own. However your mother is not obliged to invite you to everything and may just have wanted to spend the day with her son.

I don't get siblings who are adults yet think their parents should only do things if all siblings are present.

Oh Autumn is that the same poster too?
Lostin definitely the same poster you are thinking of as I mentioned just before you.

Im not calling troll, Im pointing out to the OP that's there's a clear pattern of a destructive relationship between her and her mother. She needs to move on from it all and stop longing to be the single childless woman she was a couple of years ago.

If you "never even fucking asked her" who did you expect to do it?

My eldest child is 21 my youngest is still pre school age. I have never had a holiday without my children in all that time, the occasional night yes but never an actual holiday. My parents never holidayed without us until we were adults, we did have the occasional night at my grandparents again. To us it is not normal to go on holiday without children. You mention that your dp was often left with his grandparents while his parents went on holiday but did your parents go away a lot without you? How much of these expectations are being driven by your dp.

"all the while he stayed at his grannies so he can't understand why my mum is being so cold iyswim?"

Because not all grannies want to look after their GCs for more than a few hrs.

Same as not all parents want to go away without their kids.

Isn't this the partner who booked something assuming that your mum would look after your son?

Staywithme come to Merseyside- if you send up a flare as you pass the IOM, I'll pop out to meet you

OP, you want a holiday, fine: you don't want to take your DC - get a weekend nanny. People do - sometimes - go away without their DC, but for your mother to make that comment, it's clear there's a serious backstory here.

And no, you don't live with her: I wouldn't expect her to automatically include you on a trip she's taking with your DB. It doesn't mean she prefers him, either. I don't like with my family. I don't invite them to join me every time I go away/go to the theatre/have dinner out. That's because we are separate households and I am not a child, so do not need to have parental accompaniment.

Your comments about not really knowing each other before the baby: is that what's still winding your mother up? My parents would be bloody unimpressed (even though I am the aforementioned adult) if I got knocked up by someone I barely knew and I wasn't married to, but they wouldn't express that opinion to me unless I had somehow opened the door - by, for example, trying to dump the child off on them etc Then I would expect - and receive - snidey comments about thinking about things like this before breeding etc

Sorry if I sound unsympathetic - but this really doesn't sound like the whole story, and the utter nonsense about problems keeping a child safe abroad are totally ludicrous: you said you grew up there, ffs. My parents managed to keep me safe at that age in places as diverse as Morocco, Lebanon (where there was a civil war on) and Brixton. I am fairly certain you will manage in Ireland. Unless, of course, your main motivation is wanting a holiday away from your child, which is something totally different.

We're taking mini gluey wherever we go with the exception of a part of the Far East that we think would be better for them to miss due to being guaranteed to get sick while you're there. It isn't fair on a small child's immune system. You're not being unreasonable to want a child free break but the keeping your child safe in Ireland? It ain't Iran. It depends on your motives for not wanting to take them.

OP, are you quite young? I just find it odd that your mother seems to speak to you as if you are a child. "You better be taking your child" is snippy and authoritative. Like a parent telling their teenager that they better have done their homework.

I agree with your mom. Should have thought about it harder. No one who chooses to be a parent is owed anything by those whose opinions weren't sought beforehand.