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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think "neighbour" has assaulted my child

719 replies

BubbleBathAddict · 06/02/2016 08:17

Basically my 11 year old son was in a group of school friends yesterday after school. On the way home from the park they played "knock down ginger" -ie they knocked on a couple of front doors quite near us and ran away. Now this is not something I was aware of or would condone, but on the scale of "crime" it's not something to get too excited about.

My son said he did not do the knocking and stayed on the pavement.
At the second house the woman came out and yelled. The boys ran. All of them more quickly than my son it seems. Half way home (a few houses only) he felt someone grab his wrist and the said woman insisted he tell her where he live and frog-marched him home. He was in tears. I was at work, but his dad and older brother were in.

I do not know the woman at all. She apparently said her children were scared. I am pretty furious that she thought it was OK to grab and intimidate a child. That might have been appropriate 40 years ago, but these days touching anyone without consent is battery isn't it?

I don't want to over-react, but will be going over there today. What would you do?

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 06/02/2016 09:32

You can over egg things
Less is sometimes more

LittleLionMansMummy · 06/02/2016 09:35

hobnob - he threw eggs?? There is no hope for the world. Is it Halloween?

Waltermittythesequel · 06/02/2016 09:36

You don't need to be home to parent your children.

You just need to accept that when they act like little shits, there are consequences.

Hth.

bearleftmonkeyright · 06/02/2016 09:36

OP take a step back from this thread. Aibu can be pretty rough and I have learnt if you start getting defensive it won't help. Personally I kind of understand what you are trying to say but because your son was so very much in the wrong here he has to learn from this. Not just because his own actions were wrong but the potential repurcussions could have been so much worse. No child should be knocking on a strangers door. Its not an innocent game. No perfect DC here and I have an 11 to DS who may well have done the same.

tomatodizzy · 06/02/2016 09:37

What would you hope to gain from reporting her for assault? Nothing would come of it because it doesn't sound like she used violence or force or caused bruising. It would only keep a couple of policemen busy with a paper trail for a few hours instead of out dealing with real assault. Battery is not just physically touching but it is physical touching when it can be proven that the person committing the offence intended to cause harm. I think her intention was not that.

I have a 13 year old, I wouldn't care if someone frog marched him home, I'd be frogmarching him back to apologise. A solution for you though could be to ask her kindly not to grab your son again because he is only 11 and he was frightened by it. I would also advice her (in front of my child) that if it happens again she should phone the police because they CAN legally frogmarch little shits home, and at 11 he was trespassing and disturbing the peace. Both crimes.

aprilanne · 06/02/2016 09:37

bubble bath you are still trying to lay the blame with the neighbour .and saying about your hubby will not cut it either .my hubby is 49 and has early on set dementia .so while he may not see the the anti social behaviour i certainly could and let me tell you .my son would not be thinking he was in the right ..and anti social behaviour is a crime .

Original poster
BubbleBathAddict · 06/02/2016 09:37

I don't know what a "massive dripfeed" is? I look at mumsnet approximately once a month when I need to find something to laugh at (ie the funny threads) but am not a regular user.
Are you supposed to post and then not reply at all?
I genuinely have no idea.

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 06/02/2016 09:39

I had a tough home life. Never went round harassing people though. And if I had been pulled up on it, I would have been ashamed, not expecting mummy dearest who thinks the sun shines out of my ass to go tell off the mean lady I harassed.

FairNotFair · 06/02/2016 09:39

OP: here's my situation. I would appreciate your opinions

MNetters: OK; here are some opinions.

OP: Jesus, haven't you got anything better to do? FFS.

Meeep · 06/02/2016 09:39

Tell your son that if he wants to play games that annoy people, the annoyed people might react in ways that annoy him. Some people might do much worse than taking him home by the wrist to tell his mum.

If he wants to take the risk, I'd tell him not to come crying to you about it.

Sparklingbrook · 06/02/2016 09:40

It's really helpful if all relevant information is in the OP. Dripfeeding is adding information little by little that should have been mentioned to start with.

tickory2 · 06/02/2016 09:40

Some harsh ignorant language on here. I doubt that the knockee's children were scared. If they were then how is their mother running off down the road and leaving them going to comfort them?
I think your son has learned his lesson op, and approaching the lady probably won't get you anything but further abuse if she's anything like the rabble on here.

CaptainCrunch · 06/02/2016 09:41

I see it's the weekend again Grin. I'm convinced these threads are started by bored sidebar of shame contributors.

And shame on you for using "ginger" in the pejorative OP, I'm seriously considering calling the police on you for that. I feel assaulted.

Concerned97 · 06/02/2016 09:41

Giving additional facts after the event.

Given your husbands illness dies your son not realise that it is wrong to knock on people's doors and run away? Surely he more than anyone can understand how irritating thus is, if someone has a condition that makes answering the door unnecessarily difficult??

Toughasoldboots · 06/02/2016 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhShutUpThomas · 06/02/2016 09:42

I don't think it's a drip feed at all. The OPs child being a little oik and getting marched home has nothing to do with his father.

OP, a drip feed is usually when someone posts something pretty unreasonable, as you have, and after a few pages of people disagreeing with them says something like 'oh but I've only got one leg and my dog just died so there.' Or something.

But I don't think this was a drip feed.

antimatter · 06/02/2016 09:42

I did something like that like this woman.
On the first occasion kids were kicking flowering tulips on the green and another time a kid was smashing tiles on the neighbouring roof.
On both occasions their mates run to get a parent of the child I held by a wrist.

A screaming parent came and both times was like "you are assaaulting my poor son, stop touching him" and I asked the child to tell their mum what they were doing.
Then I turned to the mum asking - Shall we call the police now?

Guess what? They didn't want to.

Every person I told this to said I was putting myself in danger. I strongly believe it was my responsibility to make sure their parents knew what their sons were doing.

CaptainCrunch · 06/02/2016 09:42

....and I'm not even ginger, I just like feeling aggrieved.

bigbuttons · 06/02/2016 09:42

Glad you have seen sense op.

tomatodizzy · 06/02/2016 09:42

Oh and according to your son he was the only one on the pavement. That is common, it's probably a self preservation lie. Whenever children retell a group crime they usually paint themselves better than everyone else and their behaviour is never usually never as bad. The psychology of group behaviour says otherwise.

Toughasoldboots · 06/02/2016 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnthonyBlanche · 06/02/2016 09:43

A good friend of mine used to live in a lovely house which was right next to quite a rough estate. Gangs of children from the estate started harassing her and her children in the evenings by playing knock down ginger, then by throwing a lot of snowballs at her windows one winter. Becuase she went outside one evening and shouted at the little shits children they came back the next evening and broke several of her windows with stones and a catapult.

So OP that is how what you think of as innocent fun by children can escalate. You should be grateful that your son has been given a fright, it may stop him from getting involved in more serious anti social behaviour in the future.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 06/02/2016 09:43

You know that how Tickory2?

roundtable · 06/02/2016 09:43

Sounds like you're under a lot of stress op if your husband is ill.

I think you are being unreasonable but maybe it's the result of what's going on. Equally, the woman who frog marched him home may have stress in her life and the knocking on the door was the straw that broke the camel's back.

All the best op.

leelu66 · 06/02/2016 09:43

I guess I'm just surprised so many people have so much time on their hands to post such detailed replies so quickly

I bet, OP, that if you had received a chorus of posts saying 'YANBU, how dare she touch your son', then you would not be surprised 'that so many people have so much time on their hands to post such detailed replies so quickly'.

Don't insult the place and people you've come to for advice, you sound petulant and sulky, and your son sounds like a brat. 'Knock down ginger', seriously?

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