to think "neighbour" has assaulted my child

[BubbleBathAddict]

Basically my 11 year old son was in a group of school friends yesterday after school. On the way home from the park they played "knock down ginger" -ie they knocked on a couple of front doors quite near us and ran away. Now this is not something I was aware of or would condone, but on the scale of "crime" it's not something to get too excited about.

My son said he did not do the knocking and stayed on the pavement.
At the second house the woman came out and yelled. The boys ran. All of them more quickly than my son it seems. Half way home (a few houses only) he felt someone grab his wrist and the said woman insisted he tell her where he live and frog-marched him home. He was in tears. I was at work, but his dad and older brother were in.

I do not know the woman at all. She apparently said her children were scared. I am pretty furious that she thought it was OK to grab and intimidate a child. That might have been appropriate 40 years ago, but these days touching anyone without consent is battery isn't it?

I don't want to over-react, but will be going over there today. What would you do?

So, in words of one syllable.
Yes I realised I am being very unreasonable in thinking grabbing a child by the wrist is wrong.
Thank you for opening my eyes.
I am not having a strop.
So many of you have filled in the gaps to an astonishing extent. So yes, I feel like a terrible parent.
Mainly because I go out to work.
You want to know what his dad thought? So would I actually. His neurodegenerative medical condition doesn't allow that. I'm not joking or being sarcastic. That's why he was at home, and not supervising our wild out of control offspring.

Not only back him up tough but teach him to lie to cover himself. Delightful

Yes what happened with your DH that you need to intervene?

Haha. A fake address? That'll work when they get to the house and the door is opened by someone who doesn't know who he is.

Just get on with your day OP, time to leave it.

No OP, rule No1 should be making sure your DC do not harass other people. (Can't believe I am biting)

In fact it is perfectly acceptable for a member of school staff to put an arm round a distressed child- and also to use force in certain circumstances when needed.

www.education.gov.uk/consultations/downloadableDocs/Use%20of%20Reasonable%20Force.DOC

You'd think your child would be better behaved then wouldn't you? Given his Dad's illness? So as not to cause unnecessary worrying.

The dripfeed doesn't change diddly unfortunately OP. Except kind of exacerbates it.

I'm another one who regularly gets this happening to me. If i was quick enough I'd do the same. Hope you made him apologise and choose his mates more carefully.

OP is angry that a woman intimidated and scared her son, but isn't angry that her son intimidated and scared the woman's children?

I don't get it. OP seriously, think about it. How is what the woman did any different to what your son did?

Good for her!
He could learn from it if you let him.

I take your point op and I would imagine you are technically right but I can see where she was coming from.

Out of interest......how would you have reacted had a different gang of yobs had bashed on your door when your husband was home alone?

Just askin'

yes, I feel like a terrible parent.
Mainly because I go out to work

Sorry, think I must have missed this bit.

I don't think any of this is due to whether you work or not, and I haven't seen anyone mention it.

And also what exLtEveDallas said.

X post and massive drip feed. Sorry your DH is unwell, but mentioning that he and older brother were at home indicated that they had dealt with the incident??? Obviously your DH was unable to but the post didn't make that clear, so it was an obvious question.

Yes tough I do agree with you on that. And I've worked in policing for 13 years. I just think there's a fair bit of overreaction on here. The kid was wrong. The op's reaction was wrong. The woman was understandably rightly pissed off.

No one is saying hes wild or out of control - children do the wrong things. What is actually way more important is how as adults and parents re resond to those actions and how we help them develop as adults with an understanding of responsablity and accountability. I personally am widowed and a free range parent who feels very little need to supervise or control my children because they have been raised to be considerate to other people, aware of consewuences and with a sense of responsablity.

Your child is in the wrong here not the woman. He clearly doesn't know how to behave and you're making excuses for him. I would of done what the woman did and called the police to ask them to visit your child to speak to him about anti social behaviour.

Given your last post I can see why you want to go and confront the lady, my dc have been through some tough times too and it makes me want to excuse all of their less than perfect behaviour.

I wouldn't be doing them any favours in the long run if I did though.

Sorry your family has it tough just now op.

I think it's time to just hide this thread and move on op. You are not getting the responses you want, it's clearly pissing you off and making you angry, you think you are right. If you want to go round to her house, go round. Ignore the general consensus and make your own choice. It's up to you how you parent your son. I don't see the point of arguing with everyone and trying to sway their views awaits massive dripfeed

So OP, you don't like the response so you've resorted to ridiculous twisting of the facts and a great big drip feed.

It will be in your sons interests to take on the implications of the response here. But your defensive reaction will make sure that doesn't happen.