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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think "neighbour" has assaulted my child

719 replies

BubbleBathAddict · 06/02/2016 08:17

Basically my 11 year old son was in a group of school friends yesterday after school. On the way home from the park they played "knock down ginger" -ie they knocked on a couple of front doors quite near us and ran away. Now this is not something I was aware of or would condone, but on the scale of "crime" it's not something to get too excited about.

My son said he did not do the knocking and stayed on the pavement.
At the second house the woman came out and yelled. The boys ran. All of them more quickly than my son it seems. Half way home (a few houses only) he felt someone grab his wrist and the said woman insisted he tell her where he live and frog-marched him home. He was in tears. I was at work, but his dad and older brother were in.

I do not know the woman at all. She apparently said her children were scared. I am pretty furious that she thought it was OK to grab and intimidate a child. That might have been appropriate 40 years ago, but these days touching anyone without consent is battery isn't it?

I don't want to over-react, but will be going over there today. What would you do?

OP posts:
KondosSecretJunkRoom · 06/02/2016 10:17

I don't think your son is a little shit. He's only 11 and there is plenty of room to screw up and make poor decisions before shitty behaviour becomes a shitty brat.

He either had no idea that this behaviour was as upsetting for some people as it is or he doesn't care. I'd put your energy into dealing with that.

I think she over reacted if this is the first time they have annoyed her (which I doubt). Even so, it's good for your son to know that if he deliberately annoys people then he won't always get the reaction he expects or that he considers reasonable. It might not be a fair reaction or administered with the patience seen at school or home.

Better to learn this lesson with a pissed-off neighbour who frog marches him home than anyone else.

Greengardenpixie · 06/02/2016 10:18

Attitudes like this mean that kids know they can get away with things and so are all the more anti social. OP you should go and shake the womans hand for having the balls to stand up for herself and her family. Your son should be grounded.

Totally and utterly agree. You are in the wrong OP. What on earth is wrong with the world. Your son has done something wrong. Accept it. You need to discipline your child not chastise someone for your lack of action.

leelu66 · 06/02/2016 10:19

Did people miss where the OP said she told her son off and he knows he did wrong.

He knows he was in the wrong because this woman frog-marched him home. If she hadn't, OP wouldn't about it.

lorelei9 · 06/02/2016 10:20

This thread has cheered me up! I thought more people would be on the side of the OP. I hate knockdown ginger with a passion. No consideration for so many factors. I also think it would be a lot better if more people responded as this lady did, and props to her for running fast enough to catch one of them.

I notice the OP said "she wasn't elderly". I accept it causes a lot of problems for the elderly but it's as if the OP doesn't realise it might cause problems for others too.

greenfolder · 06/02/2016 10:23

Well, he won't do it again will he? Struggling to find some outrage and can find none.

LilacAndLovely · 06/02/2016 10:25

OP YABU. Your son got caught, he deserved it and should be apologising. Giving him any whiff that you are indignant at his treatment is massively going to send the wrong message IMO.

However. I think lots on this thread have been way harsh on the op. She posted about knocking and running (bobby knocking in my neck of the woods...anyone?). Not hammering on windows, throwing rocks, ripping up front gardens, terrorising the neighbours, which is what people are posting about Hmm

I used to bobby knock often as a young teenager. The appeal to us was the comedy effect. A person gets a knock on the door...they answer it...no one there [person looks confused, peers around for 10 seconds then goes back inside]. We'd be watching from a safe distance in stitches. It was very amusing for a group of 13 year olds.

I'm a well-functioning adult. Good job, decent kids, nice to animals and the elderly. Doing what the ops son did isn't a sign he's going to grow up a degenerate/ASBO kid, with a life of crime ahead of him FFS Hmm. I think many on this thread need a grip handed them tbh.

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 06/02/2016 10:25

She held his wrist and took him home. Exactly what should have happened. Do you suppose if she'd just come out and asked him nicely to go home and tell his mum what he'd done he'd have actually done that?

The woman deserves your thanks for disciplining your child for you.

We used to do this as youngsters. Once a man came out, said he knew who we were and which school we went to, he would be in touch with the headmaster the next day. Terrified us but we never did it again.

PurpleDaisies · 06/02/2016 10:25

I bet if you posted that you had just stolen some baby food from a shop and the security guard had grabbed your wrist everyone would be telling you to sue the company.

What's your evidence for that then? I haven't seen any threads on here that have gone that way.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 06/02/2016 10:27

Are you still going to go round and speak to this woman OP?

Toughasoldboots · 06/02/2016 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdithSitwell · 06/02/2016 10:29

I remember being in my local library a few years ago. It was during a school holiday and there were a couple of boys there in the children's section, being noisy, play fighting on the floor etc. Having been warned several times they were asked to leave and ushered from the building by an member of staff who told them bluntly to sling their hook and not come back. Fifteen minutes later in marched an older lady who turned out to be one of the boy's grandmother. "You've BANNED him" she said incredulously.Do you realise he's ten years old!" Whatever story her little prince had spun, she was outraged. I was inwardly cheering when the counter staff didn't back down. She wasn't placated though and seemed to think it was a massive over reaction.

shazzarooney99 · 06/02/2016 10:32

Your son shouldnt have been involved im afraid.

Abbinob · 06/02/2016 10:32

If DS wants to act like that when he's 11 id be grateful for an angry neighbour telling him off. He's not a little shit particularly, I think all the kids I grew up with did that bit our parents also bollocks us for doing it so we grew up to be not little shits.

ArgyMargy · 06/02/2016 10:33

I've had lots of this, living on a (secondary) school route with a door fronting straight onto the pavement. I think YABU but I also think the law is an ass, and has helped us to this place where adults feel they have no right to discipline other people's children and children feel they can do what they please.

LilacAndLovely · 06/02/2016 10:37

Toughasoldboots - I've only skim read the thread (too long). But even in that skim I've seen a comment calling the op's son disgusting and another calling him a little shit. A snide remark inferring that he's uncaring of his dad's illness. An article linking bobby knocking as a pre-cursor to a racist murder.

Whilst there have been many good and reasoned posts, I maintain my opinion that there are also many who do indeed need a grip handed them.

cleaty · 06/02/2016 10:38

Calling it "not the crime of the century", minimises it.

The "it takes a village" included that parents accepted that if children did something wrong, strangers would react.

And I would not be surprised if her children were scared.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 10:39

Abbi the OP did tell him off. So I can't see why she has done so wrong and presumably he will also grow up to be not a shit

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 10:41

The woman deserves your thanks for disciplining your child for you.

But the OP said at the start she did tell him off.

Are people choosing to use this thread to take out bad mood or something?or is no one reading it properly?

Toughasoldboots · 06/02/2016 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 10:43

Everyone, bar about two, has said that part of rearing a decent adult is to not condone it

She didn't condone it. She told him off

Mistigri · 06/02/2016 10:44

What the woman did was certainly illegal, and it's plainly not a good idea for adults to have the right to restrain other people's children and take them somewhere under duress.

OTOH if your son came to no physical harm then I would chalk it up to experience ... it'll be the last time he does this.

Toughasoldboots · 06/02/2016 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OurBlanche · 06/02/2016 10:47

lilac many posters have said that such silliness is a normal part is growing up and should provide a golden opportunity for a good lesson to be well learned.

To miss such an opportunity would be a pity for the child concerned. And OP appears to be missing it. That she has told her son off is a good start, but if he has heard her say that the woman was out of order, committed a criminal offence, etc then she is setting her son up for future hardship. He doesn't need to be offered an excuse for his unthinking silliness, especially not by his mum. That is not how kids learn to be acceptable grown ups.

SoupDragon · 06/02/2016 10:51

on the scale of "crime" it's not something to get too excited about.

And neither is frog marching a badly behaved pre-teen home.

She apparently said her children were scared

Why only "apparently"? The DS has been behaving badly and intimidating neighbours. Isn't causing someone to fear attack assault?

SoupDragon · 06/02/2016 10:52

it's plainly not a good idea for adults to have the right to restrain other people's children and take them somewhere under duress.

She frogmarched the child home!