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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think "neighbour" has assaulted my child

719 replies

BubbleBathAddict · 06/02/2016 08:17

Basically my 11 year old son was in a group of school friends yesterday after school. On the way home from the park they played "knock down ginger" -ie they knocked on a couple of front doors quite near us and ran away. Now this is not something I was aware of or would condone, but on the scale of "crime" it's not something to get too excited about.

My son said he did not do the knocking and stayed on the pavement.
At the second house the woman came out and yelled. The boys ran. All of them more quickly than my son it seems. Half way home (a few houses only) he felt someone grab his wrist and the said woman insisted he tell her where he live and frog-marched him home. He was in tears. I was at work, but his dad and older brother were in.

I do not know the woman at all. She apparently said her children were scared. I am pretty furious that she thought it was OK to grab and intimidate a child. That might have been appropriate 40 years ago, but these days touching anyone without consent is battery isn't it?

I don't want to over-react, but will be going over there today. What would you do?

OP posts:
tryandtryagain · 06/02/2016 09:58

I had a problem recent with 2 10 yr olds banging and kicking my door as they ran past. We lie on a terrace street next to an alley so the culprits could run and hide quickly. It took months for me to find out the identity in the end by chance I was at an upstairs window when it happened. It took me to knock on nearly every door on the street asking who the the child belonged too. The parents were disgusted at the behaviour and bought him to MY door to apologise! It hadn't happened since. Thank goodness.
This "game" is very distressing for the people who live in the house. It used to terrify my mother when she visited. My autistic son couldn't understand why it was happening. It put your nerves in complete edge all the bloody time.
We were at the point of considering CCTV being fitted at one point.
I personally wouldn't have grabbed the child but I don't consider this assault. This "game" could have been going on for weeks and been very upsetting.

LightDrizzle · 06/02/2016 09:58

Years ago my husband ran a gym on the first floor of a retail unit. Female members were complaining of intimidating behaviour from a group of young teenagers who would come up the stairs to the landing to leer, insult and verbally harrass them on their way out. If no one else was in sight, these scrouts would even open the doors to the gym and do it. The police were informed but nobody knew the boys's identities.

So my rugby league playing husband lay in wait one day. Sure enough up they come and out he rushes. They all legged it but he grabbed the slowest, this lad screamed and swore blue murder, my OH had to prise his hands off the stair rails as his mates scarpered. Once he had dragged him into the staff room to wait for the police he cried like a baby, begging to be let go "Please Mr!" - he was sorry, he'd never do it again. My OH just keep up a monologue "Just look at you! Crying like a baby! Where are your mates now then? They just fucked off and left you. You're not so hard now are you? Shall I get all the women you've been terrorising to come in and see you? etc.

As soon as the police arrived the boy transformed:"You want to arrest him, he battered me, it's kidnap, he fucking hit me etc" (utter bollocks on the hitting). Luckily the police were having none of it. He wasn't arrested, they took him home. They came back to see my OH afterwards. I'm happy to report that the lad's dad was not like our OP. He looked like thunder and left it in no doubt that his DS was in deep shit.

It really does take a village. My OH was brought up on one of the toughest council estates in Hull, but he says that when you did anything wrong, it had usually got back to your mum before you went in for your tea and there was hell to pay. Also any mucking about, worrying old ladies or the like was considered beyond the pale by the older lads (young men) who would "sort you out". Perhaps not ideal, but it worked better than the situation now. The area he lived is horrendous and the 9-12 year olds terrorise everyone with their "You can't touch me you smelly old bitch" attitude. They are right, nobody dares to mess with them.

What2 · 06/02/2016 10:00

Bubble
I don't agree with you marching around to see the lady but I don't think you should worry about the comments on this thread. MN is a bit Hmm and on some threads there seems to be a competition to post the most outraged reply possible.
I bet if you posted that you had just stolen some baby food from a shop and the security guard had grabbed your wrist everyone would be telling you to sue the company.

It's not possible to tell if the lady was being unreasonable unless you saw her manhandling your son. There is a big difference between her dragging your son along by the wrist or simple 'guiding' him home holding his wrist. It certainly wasn't unreasonable for her to want to tell you what he did.

pilates · 06/02/2016 10:02

Op, Im sure your DS will think twice about doing something like that again. The problem is when you are a kid you don't think about the consequences a prank could have on someone. The woman who dragged your DS home could be in an equally stressful situation at home as yourself.

HappyJustToBe · 06/02/2016 10:02

One knock on the door isn't harassment though. More than one incident could equate to a course of conduct that is harassment of course.

Toughasoldboots · 06/02/2016 10:03

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 10:03

I had some 10 and 11 year old come into my stair and throw stones at me because I dared to tell them off for throwing stones at my window.

I still wouldn't have grabbed them and dragged them since I am an adult and they are children.

suchafuss · 06/02/2016 10:03

He deserved all he got. If someone had marched my child home for similar the child would be in hot water. Attitudes like this mean that kids know they can get away with things and so are all the more anti social. OP you should go and shake the womans hand for having the balls to stand up for herself and her family. Your son should be grounded.

ifgrandmahadawilly · 06/02/2016 10:04

Yabu.

Youre lucky - just be thankful it was a woman who acted reasonably, not some big, angry, six foot bloke.

Your son has put himself in danger of actually being assaulted by knocking on strangers doors.

IoraRua · 06/02/2016 10:05

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StayWithMe · 06/02/2016 10:06

I bet if you posted that you had just stolen some baby food from a shop and the security guard had grabbed your wrist everyone would be telling you to sue the company.

You can't be serious?

buddhasbelly · 06/02/2016 10:07

bubblebath I appreciate you understand your son was in the wrong for doing what he did. Just from my experience; My exp is currently on an order that he cannot enter my street or approach me, this is after many times of approaching my house, hiding after knocking on the door, having weapons on him all the while my dd is playing in my living room. The last time he did this was at 5pm in the summer and it was still terrifying. Please be aware that 'vulnerable' doesn't just mean someone old - all my friends and family know not to turn up at my house uninvited.

I still get stressed when eg the gas man turns up to read the meter so I would also find this very distressing as my go to reaction is I must protect my daughter. You just don't know whose door is being knocked on and what their lives are like.

leelu66 · 06/02/2016 10:07

One knock on the door isn't harassment though. More than one incident could equate to a course of conduct that is harassment of course.

The woman may have had lots of kids knocking on the door, and had had enough?

This behaviour would have made my mum anxious, I can totally sympathise with the woman.

SaucyJack · 06/02/2016 10:07

More's the pity Fanjo.

Perhaps they wouldn't be behaving in that way if they'd ever had a bit of discipline from any of the adults around them.

Toughasoldboots · 06/02/2016 10:10

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TannhauserGate · 06/02/2016 10:10

Restitution is needed. If it were my 11yo, he would be back there, apologising and either doing garden work for her, or cleaning her car, or looking after her children for an hour, playing lego or hearing them read or something.
This family are your neighbours. He needs to learn to be neighbourly.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 10:11

Yes they had very dysfunctional parents saucy..drug addicts. Still wouldn't have made it right for me to lay hands on a child.

catsinthecraddle · 06/02/2016 10:11

OP, what would you suggest the woman should have done?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2016 10:14

Did people miss where the OP said she told her son off and he knows he did wrong.

Or that legally it is actually battery.

The OP is not to blame for all the feral kids in the UK

RonniePickering · 06/02/2016 10:14

I have an 11 year old Dd, who incidentally is 5ft 3 and weighs 7st (bigger than some women).
If she'd have been frogmarched home by a woman because she or her friends had been knocking on doors, it would be my Dd who would be told off, not the neighbour.

Wardy1993 · 06/02/2016 10:14

Your son is only 11... What was he doing out with his mates on the streets at 5 30?!

Toughasoldboots · 06/02/2016 10:14

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Greengardenpixie · 06/02/2016 10:15

He is 11. He should know right from wrong He was in the wrong. He wont be doing it again. I guess that was her intention. She did NOT assault your son! Battery wtf!!!!!! ridiculous comment to make

Toughasoldboots · 06/02/2016 10:16

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chillycurtains · 06/02/2016 10:16

If the lady who lived at that house had not chased after them and grabbed your son the game would have continued though. It would potentially be a weekly or daily game too. People are entitled to protect their property and privacy. I would not be happy if someone grabbed my DS but I would not take it up with them as I would consider it a very good lesson for my child in why you don't play anti social games like knock down ginger.