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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

so what do you think....is my babysitter being incredibly cheeky? or is she right

315 replies

ralphi · 04/02/2016 21:24

I have a babysitter for my daughter on a Wednesday afternoon as my son and daughter have activities that start at the same time but in wildly different places. She picks my daughter up, takes her to the activity, and then takes her home for an hour or so until I get home. Today I asked her to take a friend of my daughters to our house as well. When I got home ( half an hour before the end of the time I pay her for, but pay her for anyway if that makes sense) she asked me for double the money for the friend. I paid her, being very surprised, but now am really cross. Yes I know I should have said something but the girls were with me when we had the discussion and I didnt want to have a row in front of them. I only agreed to have the friend as a favour as her üarents have separated and he had to work late. Was she incredibly cheeky or AIBU?

OP posts:
ghostspirit · 05/02/2016 08:04

ah she only 17. i dont think it really matters who made the sandwich. at 17 i would not have thought she has alot of money. for just an hour shes probably not getting that much money. i dont blame her for wanting a bit extra for a 2nd child to be looked after.

Higge · 05/02/2016 08:05

I do think babysitters often get underpaid and people take advantage....I would definitely double up if we were going and leaving friend's children at my house for the evening.
And when I think about it cheeky is the wrong word to describe her request - it came at the wrong time - she should have requested extra payment when you asked her to supervise the playdate and I'd make that clear, then you could have decided what you wanted to do - she was perfectly entitled to ask for more money - she just needs to work on her timing.

RufusTheReindeer · 05/02/2016 08:21

So slow at typing i missed the 17 bit Blush

My post still stands but now we can throw apprenticeship into the mix Grin

I did something similar (paying for lifts) at just a bit older than her and it haunts me to this day how out of order i was

She may well click on that in future she should make it very clear how much she is going to charge so the customer has a chance to consider

Cressandra · 05/02/2016 08:26

At 17 I wouldn't think she'd have a clue what the going rate for this would be. You ask if she was incredibly cheeky. I think that's imagining an understanding of childminder/nanny arrangements and norms that she is not likely to have. With this new info I'd say she misjudged it, that's all.

You should have offered an explicit (smaller) amount extra in the first place, she'd probably have been happy enough with that.

SoupDragon · 05/02/2016 08:28

With evening babysitting, it matters very little whether there is one child asleep upstairs or 4 - I would expect that to be charged as a single job. During the day it's different I think.

JeanGenie23 · 05/02/2016 08:37

It's a bit cheeky, not worthy of double the amount of money, however it would be more work, and I can see why the normal fee wouldn't feel like enough.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/02/2016 08:42

Out of curiously what do you pay your 17yr and how many hours is it normally? I'm think 3ish 3-6

WeAllHaveWings · 05/02/2016 08:50

Wow, totally unreasonable to expect your child minder to start providing an additional service (minding your friends dd) without remuneration.

Good for her for speaking up and not allowing you to take advantage.

Sunbeam1112 · 05/02/2016 08:56

I think your yabu personally, you should of offered extra payment when you asked het via text. You kind of put her on the spot and a position in which she couldnt say no ( asking on the same day). It sounds as if shes expected to be given extra and felt taken advantage when you didn't offer so asked. I don't blame her. She provided a paid service it's not her fault you came back early nor was it fair to add another child to be responsibile for into the mix. A child she has never looked after. Her age is relevant in this matter. You tried tp take advantage and expected extra for free. Nothing in life is free. I would imagine at her age she won't be getting very much for her services to begin with.

Lasaraleen · 05/02/2016 09:06

I would say she's entitled to charge more, but should have made that clear when you asked her. Completely disagree that an extra 6 yo is double the work if they are friends! I have a 6 yo and don't see her for dust when she has a friend round. Different matter if they don't get on and you're constantly refereeing.

MrsEricBana · 05/02/2016 09:15

I think she was cheeky if a one off. I don't pay my babysitter half if one of my kids is away on a trip though I would definitely check with her first if there was going to be another child here when she was sitting. As others have said it will probably have been less work for her not more. I guess next time agree costs in advance.

WeAllHaveWings · 05/02/2016 09:17

Is she a babysitter or a childminder?

I thought babysitters did so in the parent home only, if she is being pad to take your child (and your friends dd) out to activities does that cross the line into childminding?

HSMMaCM · 05/02/2016 10:32

She has charged per family. Haven't the other family offered to pay towards babysitting?

MistressDeeCee · 05/02/2016 10:33

She's under 18. She picks up your DD, takes her to activity, then collects her takes her home and sits with her until you arrive. You asked her to pick up your mate's DD from activity too and take her back to yours. I think the fact she's just 17 is key here, she likely did think she deserve more but was quite blunt about it, as teens normally are. She's also more than a babysitter, and I think if she was twice the age she is then if she' asked for a little more money for collecting an extra child there wouldn't have been so much said, but because she's a teen and upon realising you weren't going to offer a little extra, she decided to ask for double pay, but didnt put request across in the right way, that makes her "cheeky".

Id have said to my friend "I may have to give babysitter a little extra" and resolved it from there, wouldn't cross my mind to just think its ok, and not arrange even an extra fiver. You take your DS to an activity elsewhere, your friend knew you wouldn't be collecting your DD from school, so she was very obviously relying upon your babysitter, wasn't she? In her shoes Id have offered something in the 1st place actually

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/02/2016 10:37

She's a 17 school girl who babysits

She isn't a cm so wouldn't charge per child

Still think she is cheeky / it was a once off in one year of her working for you

BackforGood · 05/02/2016 10:53

My dd is 17 and has a regular 'slot' of between 1 and 1 3/4 hrs each week around tea time, looking after an 8 yr old from when one parent goes out until the other one gets in.

I asked the this morning what she thought and she raised an eyebrow and said of course you wouldn't ask for more - she feels pretty chuffed she has such an easy job, with work each week, and no travel costs, no 'commute time', she can take her laptop and do some work if she has a busy night, or is away early enough to go out elsewhere if she wants to do that, and appreciates that her family never quibble if the parent is home a bit early so she's done less than expected. Why on earth would you look a gift horse like that in the mouth.

You might want to have a chat with her about that - just say you were a bit disappointed that she demanded extra money for no extra work, when remember you never try to pay less when she does a shorter time, and - although it works for you, it also works for her - a 'mutually good arrangement' so she might want to think about that going forwards.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 05/02/2016 11:34

I think YANBU, and frankly should not use her anymore if you can.

MistressDeeCee · 05/02/2016 13:54

Well as she's 17 she'll get another job anyway, rather than be dictated to by adults who've decided her job is cushy, easy and another child around for a few hours is "no extra work at all." Can't hold people to ransom

BackForGood does your DD do a school pick-up, take to activity then collect and bring home as Im wondering how she can do all that with her laptop, it must be super-portable. Unless of course she doesn't do a school and activity pick up etc in which case there's actually no comparison is there?

How easy it is for others to decide a job they aren't doing themself, is easy.& to be so mean they wouldn't slip a girl £5 rather than have expectations and then sulk if she thinks hang on, I did extra work here.

Good on her for at least asking, adults take the piss out of young people far too often if they think they can get away with it, then act holier than thou when challenged - as if they would be happy to do extra work themselves and wouldnt ask. Oh wait...they're adults. So its more important

DrSeussRevived · 05/02/2016 14:16

Reductio ad absurdium - how many children does the babysitter need to collect before it counts as extra work? Three? Five?

DrSeussRevived · 05/02/2016 15:03

Also, a babysitter should get paid whether she is "working hard" or not. If she plonked a child i. Front of the TV for an hour, you'd still pay her as she'd still be responsible.

JeanGenie23 · 05/02/2016 15:15

I agree with DrSeuss' argument. If you won't pay extra for two at what point will you pay extra for and why? Double may be a bit OTT, but she isn't wrong to query why she isn't getting more .

BlondeOnATreadmill · 05/02/2016 15:38

But when babysitters come to your home, so that you and DH can have a night out, they charge by the hour. They never ever (IME) charge per child.

SoupDragon · 05/02/2016 15:45

But when babysitters come to your home, so that you and DH can have a night out, they charge by the hour. They never ever (IME) charge per child.

That's not comparable to collecting a child, taking them to an activity, bringing them home and then looking after them til a parent returns.

Babysitting in the evening is not the same at all.

In fact, this girl isn't "baby sitting" at all.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 05/02/2016 16:05

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread but needed to comment on this!

I used to babysit any number of kids for £2.50 an hour (if I was lucky!). She's a teenage babysitter, AKA money for old rope - so she collects double the fee for taking a short walk and being present with two kids not one!

She doesn't even give up her evenings for this gig - I think she was cheeky.

BackforGood · 05/02/2016 16:18

MistressDeeCee No, in this job she doesn't, but I thought it might be interesting to throw another 17 yr old babysitter's opinion into the mix. Smile

(She has, indeed, previously coped fine with taking more than 1 dc out, just for clarity as this seems to bother you, she's done that for free, to help out a stressed Mum).

I certainly wouldn't count the fact an extra child is doing a short walk back with me from an activity I was already being paid to collect a child from as any extra work at all, no. It's what people do all the time in my world - help each other out when they can, be a bit flexible, look at the whole picture.