To ask if you (honestly) feel this is justified

[droopyflower]

I realise it's difficult to get a picture of a relationship from a snapshot but would you ever think this is justified.

Woman works from 8 o clock until 3 o clock, and is generally home no later than 4.

Man works long hours - 12 hour days 4 days a week.

Is he justified in stating his partner should do all the housework? The couple are renting and he pays for the rent and other bills.

All this does is prove the old saying, "There's no such thing as a free lunch."

If they discussed it and she said, "I'd rather have the money" then fair enough. If he's pretending he's treating her, but actually relies on her to do several hours of housework each week, then that isn't fair.

She could, though, pay for a cleaner instead of rent.

Or she could leave and find herself an equal relationship. This man would be a nightmare to be married to.

YouGot - he won't take a contribution

He is telling her exactly how he thinks a relationship should work - man works/woman sorts out home. Not something I would accept and at 22 there is enough time to find someone who respects you as an equal

What happens in 5 years when she is established in her career and earning much better?

Not a popular opinion but think it's quite justified.

I earn the most out of the two of us and pay more towards rent and bills, and work in the NHS so do long 13hr day/night/weekend shifts whereas he's home by 3 or 4 most days. I do get cross when I come home from leaving for work at 6 and not getting in until half 8 and housework not been done when he's been home hours.

Why doesn't the woman pay for a cleaner out of her money?

Because it isn't the cleaning that there is a problem with but the fact it's expected of her.

Still - I think because he won't let her contribute to other bills so she can use the money she would have contributed to pay for the cleaner

Run for the hills

What is his parents relationship like?

Surely he can take out the trash, do his own ironing/laundry, something. I think she should do more, just because she works 13 hours less a week than he does, so that makes sense. But it would be weird in my opinion, for her to do absolutely every single thing involved with household stuff. He works 48 hours, and has three days off. He needs to do something around the house too.

"sounds a bit immature"

Sounds a bit like a domestic set up from 50+ years ago to me.

Either both parties are equal in a relationship, or they are not. If one person is unable to contribute the same amount financially, they should not have to make up for this shortfall by taking on the other person's domestic responsbilities. That is totally like being a maid (whatever sex).

x-posts but he sounds like a controlling twat...

Is there REALLY more than 7 hours of housework to do???

Pre-kids, I doubt we did 7 hours of housework a month. Between us.

Weekends 50/50. She should do a bit on her shorter working days and have some me time. He should do some on his day off (not the days they are both off as that's a 50/50 day) and also have some me time. But, really the woman in my humble view, should probably be doing a bit more.

Because it isn't the cleaning that there is a problem with but the fact it's expected of her.

Because hiring a cleaner just means that she's still not contributing in anyway. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, but also contributing zero financially isn't right either.

We don't have kids, house work takes no longer than three hours all together every week.

It is muddied by the fact he won't let her contribute

When you were a student did you do it all?

No, but then we didn't live together full time then.

Time taken depends on size of property

Sounds like a 1950s relationship except the wife works almost full time hours and is still expected to do every single thing. Even if one person is the only one who works outside the home, he/she would still do something, just to be involved in home life, taking care of the home and garden in some small way at least, cooking, or grocery shopping, and to help out when needed. Otherwise it's just being a live-in housekeeper.

Does he just mean cleaning up or everything (clean, wash, bins out, shop, cook?)

He means everything yes.

"I am so, so tired of threads like this and even more tired of the responses that suggest division of housework should be determined by economic power."

Me too. I find it actually depressing, especially when I consider the fact that the people in question are 30ish years younger than me! What the fuck happened to feminism? I could honestly weep.

seems like the best thing you can do OP is knock up a spreadsheet with all the house jobs on it, give him some and you take some and then demand that you will contribute to make it more even.

if he refuses, doesn't "allow" it then maybe start saving your money and find a place of your own and let him worry about keeping "his" place clean.

Well that takes a lot longer

Does he sit reading the paper while you set the table and serve his dinner and then leave you to clear up?

He sounds difficult and VERY controlling. Talk to him, and if he won't listen then think seriously about leaving - this could turn into an absolute nightmare for you in years to come, OP.

He should be doing something to help out around the house.

My dh works at least 48 hours a week (and we have one child), and he does plenty of dishwashing, vacuuming, laundry, grocery shopping for me when I ask or he'll ask if I need anything and sometimes cooking as well as odd jobs/projects around the house. I actually have to beg him not to do the laundry as he puts my stuff in the dryer sometimes and shrinks it. I have to hide my own laundry from my husband.